I feel down about the hobby I took up

[TonightImGoingToPartyLikeIts2026]

I have name changed a few times on this site, and I have talked about my hobby before if you recognise some of this.

2 years ago I joined a local golf club and had lessons and joined a league. The reason why I did this was because I wanted to meet new people and do some exercise.

At first I loved it, and I was motivated to do it. Now it has turned into a nightmare. I met a few nice people, but now I am not so sure.

In the early days I was approached to help out with the admin and organising activities and this has turned into a nightmare for me. Fast forward to today and I am not actually doing the hobby because I have injured my shoulder, but I am spending hours and hours on the things that need to be done.

Before Christmas I was running round like a headless chicken for them, and asked for support but they were all too busy. I ended up organising the whole Christmas party (had to buy the food, organise venue, drinks and ended up serving all night) and didn't get to talk to anyone. I got a few thanks, and a lot of grumbles about preferring this and that. I also had to organise trophies, prizes etc. With my own life, job and other things going on in my life I felt really overwhelmed and I reached out twice for help and no one offered. They said they wanted to be at the party and enjoy themselves.

Unfortunately I agreed to carry on doing this until Oct 2026, when things were not so hectic.

I do have a couple more things to organise before the summer, but then I am quitting. What I have said to my DH is that I am not getting anything out of this golf, and in fact it feels like a 2nd job.

I am tired, stressed, and I no longer want to play golf because of it and feel I have not made any friends. It is also rife with politics.

I have a lovely DH, great DC and a couple of really good friends. I don't know why I feel like I need to go out and socialise more and why I feel lonely. As a family we go out loads together and are very close knit. I wish I could just take a pill and enjoy my own company when we are not doing anything.

Yes! Other clubs and hobbies are available.

I mean.

Come on OP, you don’t need a thread to tell you you’ve been a doormat.

Just quit.

I had the same thing happen, I got involved with a certain interest, and at first everything was great, they asked me if I would ‘help out’ and this was initially to be one day a month.

I was then informed this would be increasing to two-3 days per month with no discussion at all with me to ask if I was ok with this, there were numerous other jobs they gave me outside the main one that took up my evenings.

Some time later I changed jobs, to hours that prevented me from being able to get to their office during their opening hours, I needed to access them to facilitate a small amount of prep and paperwork that was required, every 2-3 weeks, so I asked the guy in charge how I navigate this, and he said ‘You can ask ‘Joe’ (one of their salaried staff) to assist but ask him politely as it’s not part of his job’

That did it for me, I’m a grown adult and don’t need to be reminded to speak to someone politely. I stepped down from everything shortly after and left, there was an element of leaving them in the lurch but I owed them nothing.

No way would I stay until October, just leave now and say you haven’t got time for it any more.

It sounds like they need to hire someone to do all these things . Just quit now ! It is a second job

I agree with quitting now. I'd be completely honest about why.

A team based sport is likely to be more fruitful for expanding your social network eg hockey, tennis

It was ever thus. Many clubs can't operate without volunteers but the problem is that people offer a little bit of help . doing their bit to help keep things running then, somehow, they ask for a bit more and a bit more and one day you are really overwhelmed and because it's often gradual you don't see it coming. When it reaches that point often the only way forward is to stop doing anything at all. I have been there before, moved organisation (not golf) and now, if I volunteer for something, I do that particular thing but never go beyond that. Sorry I can't (or don't want) to do that, politely with a smile on my face. It's the only way op. If you enjoy the golf, but still feel pressurised at this club, you might find it best to move clubs so you can enjoy the golf without the hassle.

I have experience of this OP. I found golf clubs, typically male heavy, seem to get the women members to do all the voluntary stuff. I once asked why only lady members were emailed about volunteering to do some tasks, it didn’t go down well but I think it made the lady organising it realise that she was being taken advantage of.

It really is very simple, you simply email the club captain or manager and tell them that you will no longer be able to volunteer with immediate effect. If you feel you want/have to give a reason just say family commitments. You are under no obligation to them, you don’t even need to give notice! These people will just take take take if you let them, especially the often very misogynistic types at some golf clubs!

Why wait?

New year - Time for the club to find another victim.

Box up everything and get DH to drop it off one morning with a note saying:

I have to put my recovery first and as I can sadly no longer play due to my shoulder injury, I have decided to step back.
With immediate effect, I regretfully have to hand over the reins to a playing member.
I wish them the very best.
Kind Regards @TonightImGoingToPartyLikeIts2026

Or rework it to fit, but DO IT THIS WEEK.

They're taking the absolute piss. Leave now and they can deal with the organisation. Someone must have been doing it before you and there must be more than just you, a committee or something? You are getting nothing out of it and it's voluntary so you don't need to do it til summer and have a stressful spring, you can stop now.

Dear Secretary

please take this email as notice of my resignation from the voluntary role of <insert role title>, with immediate effect.

I am unable to continue in the role due to a change in my circumstances/a medical condition/the role not being as previously described and the lack of reasonable support from others.

Yours faithfully

TonightImGoingToPartyLikeIts2026

There will always people who impose on you, firm whom it’s ’worth a try’ to get someone else to do stuff they don’t want to do.

just stop. Tell them you need to focus on your family and leave them to it. It’s an amazing feeling. Enjoy.

For heavens sake stop now. Tell them you have to quit for health reasons or whatever. They have all been so selfish they dont deserve a moments thought or guilt. Take up another hobby.

Sadly I have known people to be quietly mocked for doing so much.
Awful.
Like "they really must have so much time on their hands to be so involved, I am much too busy to be getting involved"!

I often think people who allow themselves to be railroaded into doing too much make very little of themselves and are quietly derided for not knowing any better.

I pulled a dear friend aside some years ago after she had been spoken very rudely to, by two committee members, yet again, whilst giving increasingly of her limited free time.
I told her no one who respected her, or her contribution could be so rude, and I was embarrassed for her that she was making so little of herself by tolerating it.
I was harsh, but kind, she knew it came from a place of real friendship and high regard.
She resigned that evening.

I passed the gossip around the club quietly to a few people that I had seen their rudeness to her, and there was no way that I would dream of volunteering with such a committee considering how they treated volunteers.

It got back to the Chairperson who reached out to my friend, who confirmed with regret, she was 100% done and would now exclusively focus on her game.
Her skills were a big loss.

It did get round, I happily named the two committee members and they were quite embarrassed to be the subject of such gossip.
The Chairperson did speak to them and they were a lot quieter but struggled for several years to replace and recruit new volunteers, until those two witches moved on.

I have long noticed that those that complain the most are those nowhere near volunteering.

Two such types complained about something one day and another friend who was loosely involved said I will tell the Chairperson you have great ideas and will take it over. The weren't long spluttering and shutting up.
My friend did pass on to the Chairperson their interest in getting involved and improving things and they weren't half put on the spot.
They were very careful to STFU around that particular friend going forward.

It's either largely thankless or exploitative in my experience, and it makes me very wary of being deeply involved.

Why are you doing all this? You say you "have to", but that is not the case. You have agreed to do it, no one is making you. I don't really understand how this situation could have developed. Just say "No". 🙄

Ex “professional” volunteer here.

I did it all PTA, Church, Community, Community Groups. Each and every time it turned out to be a thankless task that resulted in very little gratitude, muchas whining and people taking to FB to point out my many shortcomings without offering any help themselves. A particular highlight was being screamed at by some deranged harpie in front of service users because she had wrongly assumed I’d been spreading rumours and just wasn’t professional (oh the irony)

The cost to my MH was horrific and these days I just don’t bother with any of it. Once you’ve cut these freeloaders out of your life you’ll feel so much better. You owe them nothing and deserve so much better.

Golf is your hobby not being a party planner or project manager. So I think YABU to say you’re not enjoying your hobby because it’s actually an entirely different thing you dislike.

Along with many other posters I have a similar story.

I used to volunteer as a 'host' in a social group, meaning I would organise things like trips to see a film or a play, trips to a museum, meals out, meeting for coffee and cake, etc.

Most people who came along were great, but I eventually got fed up with the moaners. Almost every event would have one person, usually someone new to the group, moaning about something. I even had a couple of people phone me outside of the events to tell me all the things I had done wrong. In the end I just stopped doing it. A few people told me how much they had enjoyed and missed the events I had arranged, I used to suggest that they became hosts and put on those events themselves. Funnily enough they never wanted to.

I also noticed a few people who had brilliant ideas on how the group should be different. As someone upthread said, they didn't want to do any of the organizing, they just thought the rest of us should arrange their fantastic ideas. Nope. The only real advantage of being a host was that I was able to arrange the types of events that I wanted to do, so no, I was not going to arrange an afternoon of laser-quest or 5-aside football.

Now I'm over 50 and have decided that I don't like people so do very little socialising.

Quit now. It’s not a job do you don’t have to give notice.

There must be loads of people (women and men) who offered to help and got more and more put-upon as time went on. What you are doing now for them is (I'll bet) what you agreed-to originally... If you were able to speak to the person who did it before you, you'd probably hear a similar story. Give them some notice if it makes you feel better - a month would be plenty - and stick to it, even if they haven't lassoed someone else for it by then. What can they do to you? Nothing! Maybe be huffy or stop speaking to you - but that's their loss not yours. Good luck.

Typing error! Should read 'I'll bet ISN'T what you agreed on at the start. Sorree.

Bandedsnail

I am getting to the point where I don’t like people either!

Sounds like your self regard is linked to how many people like you. That's why you're driven to have a wider circle of friends, despite deep down being happy with your family and the ones you have. Its also why you can't say no even though you're being shamelessly exploited.
You need to leave now, not in October. Because the longer you go on doing all this for no returns, the worse you'll feel.
If you really feel the need for more friends, there's other clubs, other hobbies. Or try doing voluntary work for people who actually need the help rather than this bunch who use and don't appreciate you.

Quit now, your wellbeing is more important and they should be abke to manage without you. If they can't, they should have valued on supported you better. You owe them nothing and you can continue with your hobby without the burden you're currently carrying.

BUT, don't give them an elaborate excuse, as they might find ways to fight it. If you say "I need to do the school runs now", someone might suggest a solution etc.

I think it's better to keep it vague: your circumstances have changed, your family needs have shifted, it no longer works for you. If anyone one wants to dig deeper, you just repeat the same statement: "sorry, I can't continue, it doesn't work for me/my family anymore".