I feel down about the hobby I took up

[TonightImGoingToPartyLikeIts2026]

I have name changed a few times on this site, and I have talked about my hobby before if you recognise some of this.

2 years ago I joined a local golf club and had lessons and joined a league. The reason why I did this was because I wanted to meet new people and do some exercise.

At first I loved it, and I was motivated to do it. Now it has turned into a nightmare. I met a few nice people, but now I am not so sure.

In the early days I was approached to help out with the admin and organising activities and this has turned into a nightmare for me. Fast forward to today and I am not actually doing the hobby because I have injured my shoulder, but I am spending hours and hours on the things that need to be done.

Before Christmas I was running round like a headless chicken for them, and asked for support but they were all too busy. I ended up organising the whole Christmas party (had to buy the food, organise venue, drinks and ended up serving all night) and didn't get to talk to anyone. I got a few thanks, and a lot of grumbles about preferring this and that. I also had to organise trophies, prizes etc. With my own life, job and other things going on in my life I felt really overwhelmed and I reached out twice for help and no one offered. They said they wanted to be at the party and enjoy themselves.

Unfortunately I agreed to carry on doing this until Oct 2026, when things were not so hectic.

I do have a couple more things to organise before the summer, but then I am quitting. What I have said to my DH is that I am not getting anything out of this golf, and in fact it feels like a 2nd job.

I am tired, stressed, and I no longer want to play golf because of it and feel I have not made any friends. It is also rife with politics.

I have a lovely DH, great DC and a couple of really good friends. I don't know why I feel like I need to go out and socialise more and why I feel lonely. As a family we go out loads together and are very close knit. I wish I could just take a pill and enjoy my own company when we are not doing anything.

Send a formal email or letter telling them
of your withdrawal from the organising committee (or whatever your role is) mention your injury and maybe some vague allusion to changing circumstances, or different priorities, but leave it very formal with a note that you look forward to seeing them for a round of golf when your injury heals, and you wish them all the best for the upcoming XYZ but sadly you will not be able to contribute.
Then grey rock them if they call you, they aren’t owed an explanation or a detailed reason, they can infer what they like or claim whatever desperate situation has occurred that makes it essential for you to help, but stay strong, they’ve taken you for an absolute mug and you should have no guilt about asserting your freedom and boundaries.

Practice a bit of grey rock with your partner, it’s very empowering!

That's because golf is a boring, pish game played by wankers with far too much time on their hands.

Glad you're quitting.

Take responsibility for some of this yourself. No one forced you to take on all this at gunpoint. Just think how much better your life over the past few months would have been if you'd politely said no, you weren't open to taking on extensive admin responsibilities until you'd seen whether you were a good fit with the sport/the club. Instead, all you've done is to poison the activity for yourself. You weren't 'running around like a headless chicken for them', you were doing so because of a choices you made, presumably choosing to deal with the discomfort of doing huge amounts of hobby 'work' rather than with the discomfort of saying 'No, that's not something I'm willing to do.'

This is madness. I have volunteered in the past for hobby related stuff for my children but where I am also benefiting!

Just stop immediately - say look this is far too much for one person and you others need to step up right now.

If you want to play golf or have a hobby op you don't need to worry why - it's nice to do smoething out of the family.

It is true that it attracts a disproportionate number of total wankers.

Oh, don't give a reason other than "personal reasons".

Quit today. Tell them the lack of support and thanks for the party was the last straw and you aren't prepared to put yourself out for them any longer as it's been thankless and unfulfilling.

Then, when you're physically recovered, find another club and just play (if you're still interested).

Why on earth would you keep doing this? Just say you are stepping back/down now and do so, preferably telling them why too. Easy. They can get someone else to do all their work.

I think sadly this can happen quite a lot TBH.I had a similar situation myself a long time back.I was stressing .and in the end it got too much and I just didnt turn up any more .You are not in a paid job and can leave whenever you want!

You don't owe them anything, just because you agreed for a certain amount of time doesn't mean you can't change your mind, why run yourself ragged for no reward, just leave, take up another hobby like walking. Others get paid good money for not doing as much as you, walk away

You don't need to give them TEN MONTHS notice that you are quitting! If you were in the middle of something super important then I would say a couple of weeks' notice but otherwise, just quit today.

Re-read your post. What advice would you give a dear friend you cared about? Surely you would advise them to quit now?

I would have no problem quitting, pointing out the many times you requested help and were given none.

I am glad to hear you are giving this up. You're being used and golf clubs are notoriously gossippy, I wouldn't go near one except perhaps to hire their hall for a private function (which I've never done and probably never will but that does happen).

You are well out of it. You have a husband, child, friends, there's nothing much wrong with your life.

Find another hobby if you feel you need one, something that does not involve you taking on admin and has a gentle atmosphere. Drawing and watercolour painting are quite relaxing and don't generally attract Daily Mail readers and xenophobes.

If I were you I wouldn't carry on until October - that is almost a year out of your life for goodness sake! Just say you cannot commit to it and that is final. They will muddle through without you, never fear.

Don't blame your health or personal circumstances. Tell the truth. ' I'm stepping down with immediate effect because this role takes up far more of my time and energy than I expected. From now on I am going to focus on enjoying my golf'.

You are not indispensable. They got by before you arrived and they will get by now you are leaving.

Just stop.

Email today to say you are no longer available. No reasons, no apologies.

Dismissing someone as a "wet lettuce" is unkind

OP might benefit from reflecting why she finds it difficult to step down when others aren't helping. Perhaps she feels a sense of duty to the club community. Perhaps the role has fulfilled a need for her in some way eg feeling useful, valued and / or competent

OP might benefit from practical advice of how to be more assertive. No need to make personal attacks in the process

You know that this isn't prison right and that you aren't locked into doing this?

I would say to them that unfortunately you are unable to continue past Feb 1 (give them a month) due to work and home commitments but you are happy to handover to the next person.

Stop being a passenger in this and take control. They are walking all over you and you are letting them.

Goodness me! Did you sign your soul away and they’ll take possession of it if you quit? If not for heaven’s sake just leave.

Yes, do this. It’s not a contract, you don’t have to continue. I’d explain you are no longer playing due to injury and that, frankly, the lack of support and appreciation over Christmas just cemented matters. Find another club when you are healed and make sure to sit on those hands when they are looking for a volunteer.

PS - they clearly knew what a thankless job it was otherwise one of the old guard would have been doing it… suckering in a newbie is straight out of the playbook. Been caught by that in the past due to my innocence/optimism and desperation to be liked and accepted. Feel no guilt in walking away - they won’t, sadly, give you a moment’s thought once they have a replacement.

I discovered during lockdown just how much I didn't miss a lot of things.

When you're not being told that other people are having a life like an episode of Friends it clarifies an awful lot.

You don't even need to quit the club if you don't want to, why put yourself out with having to find a new club / hobby etc when YOU are the one who has been put out by them. When your shoulder is better just get back to enjoying playing golf again, which is what you signed up to in the first place.

As others have said just point out to them that your repeated requests for support were ignored, you had to do it all by yourself and you won't be doing the voluntary role any longer. This shouldn't affect your membership in any way, which presumably you have paid a not insignificant amount for.
Apart from maybe a few side-eyes initially it will all be forgotten about in due course once they have found another mug to take over (or preferably not).

@TonightImGoingToPartyLikeIts2026 quit today.

don’t waste another second on them.

Just quit and say you wont be doing it anymore. Then dont organise anything else.

#BeKind #LiveLaughLove #ProseccoOClock