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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I feel down about the hobby I took up

248 replies

TonightImGoingToPartyLikeIts2026 · 05/01/2026 09:14

I have name changed a few times on this site, and I have talked about my hobby before if you recognise some of this.

2 years ago I joined a local golf club and had lessons and joined a league. The reason why I did this was because I wanted to meet new people and do some exercise.

At first I loved it, and I was motivated to do it. Now it has turned into a nightmare. I met a few nice people, but now I am not so sure.

In the early days I was approached to help out with the admin and organising activities and this has turned into a nightmare for me. Fast forward to today and I am not actually doing the hobby because I have injured my shoulder, but I am spending hours and hours on the things that need to be done.

Before Christmas I was running round like a headless chicken for them, and asked for support but they were all too busy. I ended up organising the whole Christmas party (had to buy the food, organise venue, drinks and ended up serving all night) and didn't get to talk to anyone. I got a few thanks, and a lot of grumbles about preferring this and that. I also had to organise trophies, prizes etc. With my own life, job and other things going on in my life I felt really overwhelmed and I reached out twice for help and no one offered. They said they wanted to be at the party and enjoy themselves.

Unfortunately I agreed to carry on doing this until Oct 2026, when things were not so hectic.

I do have a couple more things to organise before the summer, but then I am quitting. What I have said to my DH is that I am not getting anything out of this golf, and in fact it feels like a 2nd job.

I am tired, stressed, and I no longer want to play golf because of it and feel I have not made any friends. It is also rife with politics.

I have a lovely DH, great DC and a couple of really good friends. I don't know why I feel like I need to go out and socialise more and why I feel lonely. As a family we go out loads together and are very close knit. I wish I could just take a pill and enjoy my own company when we are not doing anything.

OP posts:
ChamonixMountainBum · 05/01/2026 12:54

Just quit, no need to remain till the end of the year, its a sports club not your place of work. You have tried to reach out and have been ignored. Sometimes things need to fail just to demonstrate to the wider group how selfish their position was. I am a member of a sports club and we have whole committees to organise annual dinners, summer BBQs, fund raisers etc. Its absurd that one person is expected to do it all.

ChattyCatty25 · 05/01/2026 12:55

TonightImGoingToPartyLikeIts2026 · 05/01/2026 10:00

I agreed to do this when I first joined, but it quickly turned out to be cliquey and unwelcoming and petty!

Agree also with other poster that I am beginning to hate it because of the stress and bother.

I am going to quit.

Would it be worth trying to find another club instead of quitting? It’s a shame you never got to enjoy the actual sport.

Or just quitting the volunteering part and continuing to play?

ChamonixMountainBum · 05/01/2026 12:57

tara66 · 05/01/2026 12:52

O P not read the thread but - you need to charge them for work you did. They should have employed caterer for the dinner and pay some one to do admin.

Pretty much every sports club is 99% run by volunteers who give up their time to help out. If everyone started charging for their time they would all close overnight. The OPs club are taking the piss but most in my experience are extremely grateful and appreciative of their volunteers who keep things ticking over in the background.

ClawClip1 · 05/01/2026 12:57

Quit. I’ve just quit mine. The heartache didn’t last long when you discover how much peace you get in return.

MyDeftDuck · 05/01/2026 13:00

You joined to learn and improve your golf but injury has put all that on hold. The rest of the club members are taking the piss to be honest and my advice would be to quit now! Write to the Committee giving your reasons as you’ve described in your post and leave giving them four weeks notice, this is ample time for them to recruit someone else from the ranks in the club to take over all your responsibilities.

Morepositivemum · 05/01/2026 13:00

Either a they were very stuck for help or b you’re very organised and they left it to you and took advantage. I have a friend who’s very organised and ends up in this situation no matter what she starts up. Make sure next time you sit on your hands and don’t put yourself forward for anything other than the odd small job like shaking a bucket at Christmas or the like!!

nOlives · 05/01/2026 13:05

It's time to move on. I am in a similar situation with a different sort of club. I'm not renewing my committee membership and will most likely look for an alternative where I hope to be sensible enough to keep my head down.
It's amazing how many people size you up for usefulness as you walk in the door to these things, and how nasty they get when they find they imagined wrong.

Robogob · 05/01/2026 13:10

I would kill it dead right now and not even bother telling them you’re quitting. Block them all and get on with your life. You have been astoundingly taken for a complete mug. Unless you have some kind of martyr complex, why would you carry on? Well done for deciding to leave. You’re worth so much more than being treated like the unpaid dogsbody.

Applecup · 05/01/2026 13:14

TonightImGoingToPartyLikeIts2026 · 05/01/2026 10:00

I agreed to do this when I first joined, but it quickly turned out to be cliquey and unwelcoming and petty!

Agree also with other poster that I am beginning to hate it because of the stress and bother.

I am going to quit.

Just say for your health you are having to take a step back. Not much they can do.

Twattergy · 05/01/2026 13:17

Why do you think its bad that you crave friendships? Having a nice close knit family does not fill the space of friendships. Spending time alone suits some people but not others. Be positive about your need for friendships and seek it out - its a very good trait. I'd recommend book clubs, choirs, volunteering, walking groups as great options. Must be said a golf club is the last place I'd head for friendship, your experience has only reinforced my assumption that they can be snobby, cliquey and closed minded.

isthesolution · 05/01/2026 13:19

QUIT! Life is too short. Say you found organisation the Xmas thing too much and you don’t want to organise anything further. Thanks but no thanks!

Eddielizzard · 05/01/2026 13:20

Do just quit. Do it. They don't value you, you feel used and resentful and you're not even playing golf anymore!

Just. Stop.

I need to start a business where that's my slogan.

Frugalgal · 05/01/2026 13:22

TonightImGoingToPartyLikeIts2026 · 05/01/2026 09:14

I have name changed a few times on this site, and I have talked about my hobby before if you recognise some of this.

2 years ago I joined a local golf club and had lessons and joined a league. The reason why I did this was because I wanted to meet new people and do some exercise.

At first I loved it, and I was motivated to do it. Now it has turned into a nightmare. I met a few nice people, but now I am not so sure.

In the early days I was approached to help out with the admin and organising activities and this has turned into a nightmare for me. Fast forward to today and I am not actually doing the hobby because I have injured my shoulder, but I am spending hours and hours on the things that need to be done.

Before Christmas I was running round like a headless chicken for them, and asked for support but they were all too busy. I ended up organising the whole Christmas party (had to buy the food, organise venue, drinks and ended up serving all night) and didn't get to talk to anyone. I got a few thanks, and a lot of grumbles about preferring this and that. I also had to organise trophies, prizes etc. With my own life, job and other things going on in my life I felt really overwhelmed and I reached out twice for help and no one offered. They said they wanted to be at the party and enjoy themselves.

Unfortunately I agreed to carry on doing this until Oct 2026, when things were not so hectic.

I do have a couple more things to organise before the summer, but then I am quitting. What I have said to my DH is that I am not getting anything out of this golf, and in fact it feels like a 2nd job.

I am tired, stressed, and I no longer want to play golf because of it and feel I have not made any friends. It is also rife with politics.

I have a lovely DH, great DC and a couple of really good friends. I don't know why I feel like I need to go out and socialise more and why I feel lonely. As a family we go out loads together and are very close knit. I wish I could just take a pill and enjoy my own company when we are not doing anything.

You are being taken for an absolute mug. How dare they tell you they wouldn't help because they wanted to enjoy the party and leave you with everything to do.

Quit now and rip the plaster off. Cite the party and the supreme unhelpfulness of the others and say you have had quite enough of being taken advantage of. Then block the lot of them and move on, lesson learned.

catmothertes1 · 05/01/2026 13:23

I assume this is a volunteer position and not a paid one? Just leave. They are using you and what is the point of doing this if you are not even playing golf anymore?

HollyhockDays · 05/01/2026 13:34

Is there not a club captain? They usually take on this responsibility for a year / a set period before moving on to a new captain?

ScarletSwan · 05/01/2026 13:35

My husband is a keen golf player and is one of the organizers of a weekday club. He organizes the engraving of a few cups once a year, buys chocolate and wine for prizes at the supermarket and helps get things set up on the day. He probably sends a few emails about whether they are playing if its bad weather and a few things I probably don't notice. He has more time than you as he has retired but he'd never be pushed into the skivy role you've got. I can't imagine what would make him run round all night serving at the Christmas party with everybody saying they wanted to enjoy themselves and refusing to help.

Give them a month's notice - that it has simply become too much work. Get some physiotheapy for your shoulder. If anybody complains sweetly suggest they take up your former role.

JamieCannister · 05/01/2026 13:38

Ikeaplantaddict · 05/01/2026 09:17

just quit now. You don’t owe them anything, they wouldn’t help you when you asked because they were too bloody selfish. Time to put yourself first not let them use you for another 10 months.

OP needs to make sure they don;t use her for another 10 seconds.

Gingganggoo · 05/01/2026 13:44

That's ridiculous and they're very ungrateful.

Tell them you're done. Why would you let them treat you like this? I know it's easy to find yourself saying yes, but the Christmas responsibilities were way out of line.

stealthsquirrelnutkin · 05/01/2026 13:45

I would have quit at the Christmas party, after everyone ignored your asking for help and treated you like a paid servant, or a menial/suck-up/groveller/defective slave, who is too dumb to demand payment for their services. You would have been perfectly within your right to walk out in protest.

Unfortunately most of the organisations I have volunteered with (mainly gardening, pet and women's charities) have been desperate for volunteers to step up and run things, and put pressure on new members to "do their bit" before they even know what is required. Those that are generous enough to agree to take on a role are rarely appreciated. Much more likely to hear complaints and unfair criticism than any kind of gratitude or appreciation.

The kind of people who persevere under those conditions often have their own psychological reasons for doing so, which often makes them very unsuitable. You meet some very strange types. There are usually one or two lovely people, who make it worthwhile, especially if it is something you are keen on doing yourself, and with the right balance of people it can be very rewarding, but sadly your own experience is more then norm than the exception.

With absolutely no previous experience I got roped into running the finances of an allotment society, quickly having to learn double entry bookkeeping and all the laws and regulations, pay our bills, and chase people for their annual rents. A thankless task, and the second year, when I returned from my holiday I found that rumours were being passed around with great relish accusing me of having taken people's allotment rent and not entering it into the books. Which I found out when I was hauled in front of the board to account for my actions.

This turned out to be because of one old Kurdish geezer (who had previously tried to bribe me with produce from his allotment, seeming to think I'd be so appreciative that I'd "forget" to ask for his annual rent) had told one of the committee inquiring into why he still hadn't paid that for year by August when we were all supposed to have paid by the end of March. He insisted vehemently that he had paid me the money in cash, months ago, and he didn't know what I'd done with it if it wasn't on the books!

When I got to the bottom of it I confronted him very publicly and quite angrily, whereupon he shrugged, smiled in what he probably thought was a charmingly roguish manner, and said "I paid last year" as if that was a reasonable explanation.

I announced then and there that they would need a new finance officer for the next year, because I would not be taking on any further voluntary roles on their behalf, because I was so upset by the way so many of my "friends" had been so quick to believe and spread the delicious rumour that I'd been trousering the rent payments instead of adding them to the books. Perhaps I should have suggested that they elect the lying old git who was so willing to blacken my good name in order to get out of paying the (very low) annual rent?

Some societies make it a condition of membership that you take it in turns to do the work of running the society, but most people who join don't have the time or the energy, and others just weaponise their incompetence until someone else is forced to take over. I doubt that situation will improve with so many women now in full time employment, and the retirement age being pushed to a point where many people are burnt out and exhausted by the time they finally get to retire.

Against my better judgement I volunteered for a women's organisation, because according to their constitution they needed 6 women's names on the governing committee. The wheedling claim (by the paid manager of the organisation) was that this would be a paper formality, they just needed "6 warm bodies" on the governing council, to be able to tick the right box to keep getting funding. Hah! This time I was a lot more cautious, but within 5 years I somehow found myself dragooned into the position of chairwoman (a position I am completely unsuited for) and again being taken advantage of, unappreciated, and gossiped about.

I did learn one very useful trick during that time though. Whenever someone cornered me to tell me how the organisation could be improved (usually with plenty of suggestions that would have required a lot of work from whoever got stuck with the task), I learn to respond with "how soon can you start implementing those changes/making the arrangements?" Funnily enough not one of the people making the brilliant suggestions had the time or energy to actually do the required work, they reckoned they'd done their bit by telling the chairwoman and from then on it was her responsibility to bring the idea to fruition, and face criticism if she failed to carry it off according to their expectations and demands.

It's a shame, because taking part in organisations that improve people's lives (including your own) can be very rewarding. I'm a tough old boot with very firm boundaries, but I managed to reach 40 without ever suspecting (even in my wildest dreams) that someone would try and get out of paying their tiny annual allotment rent by claiming that the finance officer had collected the money and trousered the cash. Only to shrug and say "I paid last year" when confronted with the lie. Sadly far too many people eagerly snatch any advantage they can grab, while many more will make endless demands but refuse acknowledge the time and work that would be required, but with a very keen eye for anything that doesn't get done, or isn't handled to their satisfaction.

As thankless tasks go volunteering is not the absolute worst, because you always have the option of telling them to stuff it, and walking away with your head held high.

rightoguvnor · 05/01/2026 13:48

Just email them and tell them you’re quitting for family reasons.
They don’t need to know that your family reasons are that your family hunk you’re being a mug.

ButtonMoonLoon · 05/01/2026 13:51

I’ve made it my NY resolution to expel anything from my life that saps joy- and this sounds as though it adds nothing but stress to your life.
I’m glad you’ve decided to quit.
Don’t give them notice - it doesn’t sound as though they’ve been at all courteous to you, and to echo other posters, they have definitely taken advantage of your skills and good nature!

Bournetilly · 05/01/2026 13:51

Definitely quit now! You don’t owe them anything, you find it unenjoyable and you can’t even play golf at the moment.

chisping · 05/01/2026 13:54

I wouldn't just quit I would leave the club.
Find another golf club or another hobby.
Sadly I think it's very hard to make friends when you are an adult unless you are a naturally gregarious person.

SparklingCrow · 05/01/2026 13:54

TonightImGoingToPartyLikeIts2026 · 05/01/2026 10:00

I agreed to do this when I first joined, but it quickly turned out to be cliquey and unwelcoming and petty!

Agree also with other poster that I am beginning to hate it because of the stress and bother.

I am going to quit.

Please do quit now. With immediate effect.

They all sound like ungrateful wankers.

RollOnSunshine · 05/01/2026 13:55

You owe them nothing. They are taking advantage of your good nature. Leave and do not even apologise.