To lie to the kids' school?

[Bananasinpyjamass]

My best friend is getting married in June, it is an overseas wedding.

I have two DC, age 6 and 8, and I would like to take them with us as I have no family that can look after them. The wedding is on a Wednesday, so I would need to pull the kids out of school Tues - Thurs to fly out and attend.

My plan was to write to the school and explain the circumstances, ask that we are granted permission to remove both kids for 3 days, however a friend who works in education has advised that we just lie and say the kids are sick, that the teachers won't care even if they find out we are lying.

I am worried about lying that the kids are sick then getting into big trouble when the kids inevitably return to school and talk about flying on a plane etc.

However I am also concerned that the school will decline my request to remove them for 3 days and we will end up being fined/going to court (I am not clear on the rules and process.)

Does anyone have any advice?

YABU = Don't lie, inform the school and pay whatever fine/penalty they put up
YANBU = Lie to the school and say they are sick, it will be fine

Everyone just lies.

but even if you didn’t you wouldn’t get fined for 3 days.

Just tell the school.
They won’t approve the absence but they also won’t fine you for three days.

They will definitely decline a request for a friend's wedding.

Lie, or tell them you're going and accept the fine, if there is one.

Don't lie. We took ds2 out to watch the grand prix at Silverstone. We were honest and we were glad we did as we met one of his teachers in town that weekend and youngest told her where ds2 was.

What’s the cost of flights and accommodation and the potential fine for the children versus paying someone to stay with them and take them to school those days?
I wouldn’t involve the children in a lie even to save money. I’d rather pay.

Schools are very tightly controlled in what they are allowed to approve.

a friends wedding will not be approved.

it’s up to you whether to lie.

three days won’t make much difference either way

Request permission, we were granted permission to go to my brother's wedding abroad this year and one day just to go to my best friend's wedding in the UK last year which surprised me. Head said that we could show we had arranged our flights so he was missing the least amount of school to go (flew after school Friday and back Monday morning, wedding was on the Sunday). If they don't grant it, you've been honest and won't get fined for 3 days anyway. Don't teach your children to lie.

You won’t get fined. Just tell the school the truth. I would always tell the school the real reason for taking the kids out of school - I never wanted my children to have to lie to their teachers or worry about being found out if they talked about where they’d been with their friends.

Just tell the school. There is no need to lie and the kids will give you away anyway when they both go off for the same days and come back talking about an amazing destination wedding!

Your friend is not being very sensible.

But it won't be just you lying, your children will have to lie too.

Be honest with school.

Don't lie, just take them and tell the trruth.

I work I a school.office, parents lie to us all the time but their kids dob them in. It's pretty annoying and offensive tbh, that parents think we are stupid. We don't care about your holiday, but we do care that you dont value your relationship with us.

Don’t lie, it’s so obvious

You need to factor the cost of the fine into your plans. Your children will get anxious and confused about a lie, not worth it.

I don't know what actually happens, but I know it is recorded at our school when it is discovered that a child has been off 'ill' but comes back talking of being on holiday. I don't work in admin so don't know whether they follow this up and let the LA know or if the school simply records it for their own records and to note any patterns in absence or if there are any other safeguarding concerns.

Do you then tell your children to lie? Just tell the school, but they won’t approve it. If it is just 3 days then you should not be fined.

Your DC will likely tell the teacher before the trip never mind afterwards

Tell the truth. If you get fined, so be it.

If you lie, your kids will have to lie as well which is setting them up to think that’s ok.

Why would she need to lie knowing the absence would be unauthorised any way?
OP, tell the truth, accept that it may not be authorised, then go and enjoy the wedding. Don’t forget, if you do lie, you’re also expecting your DC lie to their teachers. Not great parenting eh?

It’s not about teachers caring whether you lie/go away for a few days. We have nothing to do with the fines!

In my experience, parents who tell their children to lie forget that their children are children and they tell their friends who actually are terrible at keeping it quiet!

Just be honest - it’s so unfair on your child to
ask them to lie. It’s also hypocritical to teach your children to lie. You’d be cross if your child lied to you so don’t teach them it’s okay to lie.

Tell the truth and accept any fine if there is one.

I suspect most of the people who take their kids out of school during term time don’t give a shit and just lie. Teachers know though, because the children can’t help telling them that they’ve been on holiday. I would rather face a fine than be known as a liar.

they shouldn't fine you for 3 days unless there's a history of missing school.
don't lie. you know the kids will come back looking fresh and healthy and totally blab about everything, or else you're putting pressure on them to lie to their peers and teachers. either way you'll end up feeling silly / crappy

just be honest.

I know it can't be approved but I'm notifying you they'll be out for 3 days. we have an important family wedding and due to childcare they need to be with me. school will presumably already be aware of their parenting situation so should get it even if they can't approve it.

It will be an unauthorised absence very probably, but not long enough to trigger a fine. What bothers me most about all these queries regarding term time absences that aren’t illness, is the recommendation from some people that you should lie about it. The school staff know you are lying and it does nothing for your relationship, aside from the fact that, teaching your children that lying is acceptable is wrong.

Schools don’t have policies to annoy parents or make things difficult. They don’t set the targets for attendance. They’re just doing what they’ve been told they must do.

I lied once and I felt icky about it as soon as I’d done it. I realised it was the wrong thing when I started telling my kids to lie to their teachers so I gave up and phoned in to tell the truth. No good comes from telling children to lie.

im in Scotland so no fines but I think 3 days is below what you’d be fined for anyway.

Thank you for your replies. My friend in education's suggestion to lie did not sit well with me, but I was unsure if I was being over sensitive. She insists the teachers won't care but I agree with those who have advised to just tell the truth and not put the kids in a compromising situation. I will not lie, I will submit an absence request form and deal with whatever outcome there is.

Those who are saying my friend is BU - she does not have kids and wanted a discounted mid-week, term-time destination wedding, I cannot fault her this. Wedding was originally no kids but her sister will be bringing her kids and she said I can bring mine when I explained my situation. Impossible to get someone to sit with my DC and take them to school, they are ND and have additional needs.

Why ask permission? Tell the school your children will be absent.