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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie to the kids' school?

186 replies

Bananasinpyjamass · 05/01/2026 08:37

My best friend is getting married in June, it is an overseas wedding.

I have two DC, age 6 and 8, and I would like to take them with us as I have no family that can look after them. The wedding is on a Wednesday, so I would need to pull the kids out of school Tues - Thurs to fly out and attend.

My plan was to write to the school and explain the circumstances, ask that we are granted permission to remove both kids for 3 days, however a friend who works in education has advised that we just lie and say the kids are sick, that the teachers won't care even if they find out we are lying.

I am worried about lying that the kids are sick then getting into big trouble when the kids inevitably return to school and talk about flying on a plane etc.

However I am also concerned that the school will decline my request to remove them for 3 days and we will end up being fined/going to court (I am not clear on the rules and process.)

Does anyone have any advice?

YABU = Don't lie, inform the school and pay whatever fine/penalty they put up
YANBU = Lie to the school and say they are sick, it will be fine

OP posts:
VikaOlson · 05/01/2026 13:18

I wouldn't get the kids to lie, it's too much pressure on them.

So long as you have good attendance normally, you won't get fined for 3 days.
I'd inform the school and accept it will be an unauthorised absence.

Morepositivemum · 05/01/2026 13:18

Lying is a lot of pressure on the kids that week, the Monday and Friday they’ll have to watch what they say

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 05/01/2026 13:20

Dts were denied permission for one day inter for their grandfathers wedding. Just take them out and pay the fine.

MadisonMarieParksValetta · 05/01/2026 13:22

Schools in England are so strict! I'd just take my kids away for a few days and use the the online system to mark absence under 'family activity' and the school would never mention it to me. Ever.

Anyway, in your circumstances, I'd lie and say sick.

MadisonMarieParksValetta · 05/01/2026 13:22

Probably should have mentioned I'm in Scotland.

Ladyingreen999 · 05/01/2026 13:23

You could say it's a family wedding, still a lie but minor and maybe more likely to get approved and, if not, absence won't look as bad.

angielizzy1 · 05/01/2026 13:27

You won't get a fine unless you are taking them out unauthorised on other occasions as 3 days is not long enough to trigger a fine. (It's 10 session, 1 session am and 1 pm so 5 whole days)
The school may approve some or all of the time off. You do not know until you ask. (I know someone that only got the day off the wedding approved and the day before and after as travel time were unauthorised but no fine as 2 days isn't enough to get a fine) They will usually approve family weddings so you may have more chance of getting it approved the kids are close to your friend and think of them like an auntie but again even if it isn't approved it would lead to a fine so just request it and don't worry about it anymore

Growlybear83 · 05/01/2026 13:28

If you lie to the school, they will find out when your children start talking about the wedding - you can’t expect children thst age not to let something slip. None of the schools thst I work with would agree to you taking them out of school for a wedding during g term time - they don’t have the authority to do so - and in some instances, parents have ended up with fines for three days of unauthorised absence. Whether that happens to you depends on the local authority, your children’s attendance record, and how vigorously the headteacher wants to pursue sanctions.

DallazMajor · 05/01/2026 13:30

Zebedee999 · 05/01/2026 13:16

At a guess your parents failed you? And now that trait is being continued through the generations. Very sad.

Show quote history

When you’ve quite finished making this non issue into a moral masterpiece give me a shout. I’ll be over here not giving a fuck.

PGmicstand · 05/01/2026 13:40

LittleBearPad · 05/01/2026 08:40

Just tell the school.
They won’t approve the absence but they also won’t fine you for three days.

Absolutely.
The school don't get to determine who is and who isn't fined, that's the local authority.

At the ages of 6 and 8, it's likely one or other of them will slip up if you lie. Asking them to lie will make them confused as at school they'll be talking about being honest.

Just tell the school you're going, when you're going, when you'll be back and offer to make up any shortfall in school work (ask them to set homework).

BillieWiper · 05/01/2026 13:45

The school can't stop you from going. They can't deregister your children for three days absence. It's not even enough to trigger a fine.

So tbh I'd say you may as well just tell the truth. Tell, don't ask. But if the kids are going to end up chatting about it when they return it's less embarrassing if they/you don't look like liars.

ClairDeLaLune · 05/01/2026 13:54

I’d take them out for a week tbh and make a holiday of it. Or at least 4 days and join it up to the weekend. And be honest with the school. They’d see through a lie and it gives your kids mixed moral messages.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 05/01/2026 13:55

School can't approve it, take them out, don't lie, you won't get a fine as only 3 days missed. Just don't take them out for 2 more days anytime soon and you should be fine

Cheeseandonioncrispswithmytea · 05/01/2026 14:00

Wouldn’t lie - tell school what you are doing.

most the fine if imposed

personally - I would take them for a week - make a holiday out off it .

if they are ND extra time would give them time to become acclimatised to where they are / get prepared for the wedding etcand then a couple of days at the end to relax.

do what’s best for you and your family - school have to tow the party line of ‘no term time holidays’ that the government impose - but they are your kids and your family and your choices.

Bluedenimdoglover · 05/01/2026 14:52

Just notify the school the reason the children will be absent. You will worry yourself unnecessarily if you pretend they are ill and it's not a good example for the children.

csigeek · 05/01/2026 15:02

The school will decline an authorised leave request, that doesn’t mean you can’t still take it as unauthorised leave.
The most common trigger for fines is 10 sessions missed, which is five days. If you’re planning on taking them just for the 3 days then you should be ok.

Doone22 · 05/01/2026 15:18

Don't lie as the kids will inevitably give you away and make things awkward.
Don't bother asking as you won't get permission. Just politely inform them. I'm pretty sure you don't get fined for 3 days.

Zanatdy · 05/01/2026 15:20

You won’t get fined for 3 days. I wouldn’t lie.

RandomUsernameHere · 05/01/2026 15:29

Could you say it is a family wedding instead? I’m aware that’s still lying, but at least the kids could then talk about it and not have to pretend they were ill.

Fireflybaby · 05/01/2026 15:53

Never tell your child to lie and don't lie on their behalf.
You shouldn't have any issues if you take your child out Tuesday morning after registration if the plane is a bit later, that means that they would be registered as attending the morning session and won't be marked as absent. If that's not possible, you should also be fine if you take them out completely Tuesday to Thursday. Most school will not approve their absence and they will be marked as unapproved absence but you shouldn't have to pay a fine if it's just 3 days. Most school will not report their absence to the council for a fine if this is not a long absence and the children dont have other regular absences from school. 3 days should be perfectly fine.
Please let the school know the truth that your are attending a wedding even lt abroad, no childcare available, and when will children be back at school. Also mention that your children have good attendance throughout the school years and have never been pulled out of school before and this is an one off.

ittakes2 · 05/01/2026 16:16

I wanted to take my kids (who were 6) out of uk Church of England school for one day - to attend church service over Easter in Australia where I was going to be god parent to my god daughter. The service was on a Sunday and we could not physically leave the country until Sunday night and it took 24hrs to get home… and they were due to be back at their desks on the Tuesday morning.

Do you think this leave was approved? Nope - and when I got upset about it our church-going school head …. said why can’t you just lie and say the kids are off sick?

BECAUSE as part of being a god parent I had to say an oath that I would bring up my god child with Christian beliefs … and lying and breaking the law to say that oath did not sit well with me.

The catholic church in Australia ended up writing to them to ask for permission explaining I did not want to lie and break the law …. and the board changed their mind and granted us one days authorised leave.

ittakes2 · 05/01/2026 16:23

I did once keep both my twins off for one day and the teacher was clearly suspicious they were secretly on holiday and questioned them on their return - asking them in front of the whole class if they had recovered from their diarrhoea. Thankfully they were both too young to understand the word so we’re not embarrassed.

AgnesMcDoo · 05/01/2026 16:25

ittakes2 · 05/01/2026 16:23

I did once keep both my twins off for one day and the teacher was clearly suspicious they were secretly on holiday and questioned them on their return - asking them in front of the whole class if they had recovered from their diarrhoea. Thankfully they were both too young to understand the word so we’re not embarrassed.

That’s appalling behaviour by the teacher and a massive breach of GDPR

FrostedWoods · 05/01/2026 16:26

I have always told the truth but never requested time off I just informed them of the time we were taking off. One was formally granted and the others weren't but informally they said it was fine.

FerriswheelsKissesandLilacs · 05/01/2026 16:32

Your children will definitely let something slip and they'll know you've lied.

You won't get a fine for 3 days away but it will go down as unauthorised.