To lie to the kids' school?

[Bananasinpyjamass]

My best friend is getting married in June, it is an overseas wedding.

I have two DC, age 6 and 8, and I would like to take them with us as I have no family that can look after them. The wedding is on a Wednesday, so I would need to pull the kids out of school Tues - Thurs to fly out and attend.

My plan was to write to the school and explain the circumstances, ask that we are granted permission to remove both kids for 3 days, however a friend who works in education has advised that we just lie and say the kids are sick, that the teachers won't care even if they find out we are lying.

I am worried about lying that the kids are sick then getting into big trouble when the kids inevitably return to school and talk about flying on a plane etc.

However I am also concerned that the school will decline my request to remove them for 3 days and we will end up being fined/going to court (I am not clear on the rules and process.)

Does anyone have any advice?

YABU = Don't lie, inform the school and pay whatever fine/penalty they put up
YANBU = Lie to the school and say they are sick, it will be fine

We weren’t approved to go to a sisters wedding for one day so the chances of a friends wedding for three are slim in my experience but you won’t get fined for it. I think fines are 5 days or more?

I work in education. Please don’t lie. The school likely won’t approve the absence but you can just go anyway and the absence is just marked as unauthorised. You won’t get fined for three days. You won’t believe how much of my time gets wasted chasing safeguarding concerns for kids whose parents call in sick for them and then disappear for a week or more and don’t answer welfare calls. Please just tell us you’re going on holiday. We won’t be able to approve it, but I won’t waste my time on missing from education protocols and social services referrals. Our borough really doesn’t fine anyway. It’s maddening. Even though I know they are probably on holiday, I can’t risk not reporting just in case it’s something more sinister.

I wouldn’t go to the wedding. It seems cheeky to get a cheap wedding whilst inconveniencing guests.

I would not lie over a few days absence, especially as your children are so young. There's no need, just tell the school you are going and that's final. It's possible the education authority may try to fie you but unlikely for such a short absence and if it happened, you could appeal, explaining you had nobody to mind them and this was the wedding of someone close to you. The rigmarole would take so long it would hardly be worth their while.

Take the children out of school and enjoy the wedding.

The kids are too young and will dob you in. Just tell them. Generally schools understand but can’t authorise. No employer checks if you had 3 days unauthorised absence age 8! You’re unlikely to be fined for under 5 days but depends on school.

Check the LA policy. Ours states if child had good attendance you can take them out for 10 sessions per school year with no consequences ( a session is half a day)

its an invitation not a summons

I'm a teacher. Don't lie as the kids usually tell us anyway. Just let he school know your plans and it will likely be an unauthorised absence, you won't get fined for 3 days. Enjoy the wedding!

Please see government guidance on unauthorised absences - schools have little control over authorised absences now and headteacher autonomy is minimal. It all goes through the local authority nowadays. May as well be honest about it and factor in costs for any potential fines but a few days should be okay. It will be marked as unauthorised but the authorisation would be changed to unauthorised if school found out you were lying anyway so nothing to be gained except you teaching your children to lie. Also Sod’s Law will mean one of you get sun burnt etc and England will be in the midst of the wettest June on record 😂 Enjoy your holiday with your children.

You won't be fined for missing 3 days. Get an absence form from the office and just write destination wedding in the reason box.

Don't lie.. just inform them of the situation that you are taking them..if you get a fine then so be it.. if its a one off .then you prob won't get a fine

I wouldn’t lie, other than to perhaps frame it as a family wedding.

In fact I’d more than likely stay abroad until the weekend and make a holiday out of it, since you’re going to the expense of travelling anyway. Send them to school Monday and maybe Tuesday morning then enjoy the rest of the week in the sunshine. Most LA’s don’t fine unless a whole week is missed.

You wont get fined but they cant authorise it. Thats how it works here anyway

Don't lie.. just inform them of the situation that you are taking them..if you get a fine then so be it.. if its a one off .then you prob won't get a fineo

Be honest with the school. It's pointless lying because I can absolutely guarantee, one of your children will tell a staff member! I work in a school, and see it often, children supposedly 'off sick', and when they come back, they tell me they went to Legoland or had a long weekend away!!! No, the time off won't be authorised by the school. Once the school enter the absence as 'unauthorised', then it's down to the LEA if a parent is fined - the school have no say in the matter. For 3 days, you may not be fined anyway.

Our school has recently started putting something particularly scathing in the weekly newsletter regarding parents lying about absences.

Talks about relationship breakdown with the school, the morality of teaching children to lie, then says they more than often know and will record it as unauthorised anyway.

I would (and have done when took DC out of school for two days before half-term last year) just be honest. It was obviously recorded as unauthorised, but all the office said was "Have a great holiday!"

Definitely don't lie, there won't be any action taken against you for 3 days out of school. I wouldn't bother submitting the request form if it was me as it will be declined but just tell them the day you take them out that you are going to a friends wedding and the date they will return to school.

Tell the truth to the school. Buy a map of the country and teach the children a few things about it. Get them to do a little talk about what they saw and have learned about the country on their return. Turn it into an educational experience which will be beneficial to all of the children.

Ps by the way, your friend in education is a disgrace.

No they don't. Some of us are still honest. What sort of a role model are you to your kids with your abysmal attitude?

Just tell the truth … you won’t get fined for 3 days.
Is their attendance ok generally?

I wouldn't lie. I know somone who works in a school and if you lie they lose all respect for you. Just suck it up and pay the fine or don't go. its unlikely u would be fine for 3 days anyway.

Tell the truth and factor the cost of fines into the cost of going.

@Bananasinpyjamass3rd option - bend the truth.

Do your DC call your friend Aunty? V normal for kids to call close friends of parents aunty/Uncle. So request absence for 3 days to go to Aunty Xs wedding abroad may well be granted. Not a lie... just bending the truth.

Even if it is not authorized, it has to be 5 days + for a fine so just put in the request and don't give it another thought.

Sickness and diarrhoea - have to have a few days off.

Let the school know on the Monday that they won't be in Tues - Thurs, as you're attending a friends wedding abroad. If it's only 6 sessions you shouldn't* get a fine. Don't ask permission (they can't grant it anyway), but just let them know so they're not following up or trying to contact you. For a couple of days, there shouldn't be too much to catch up, but maybe you could do some maths worksheets or reading on the plane, if you're actually concerned about them missing something (or they need some structure etc).

*may be different in different areas, or if they've missed more school this year.