To lie to the kids' school?

[Bananasinpyjamass]

My best friend is getting married in June, it is an overseas wedding.

I have two DC, age 6 and 8, and I would like to take them with us as I have no family that can look after them. The wedding is on a Wednesday, so I would need to pull the kids out of school Tues - Thurs to fly out and attend.

My plan was to write to the school and explain the circumstances, ask that we are granted permission to remove both kids for 3 days, however a friend who works in education has advised that we just lie and say the kids are sick, that the teachers won't care even if they find out we are lying.

I am worried about lying that the kids are sick then getting into big trouble when the kids inevitably return to school and talk about flying on a plane etc.

However I am also concerned that the school will decline my request to remove them for 3 days and we will end up being fined/going to court (I am not clear on the rules and process.)

Does anyone have any advice?

YABU = Don't lie, inform the school and pay whatever fine/penalty they put up
YANBU = Lie to the school and say they are sick, it will be fine

We tell the truth, get in a bit of trouble but haven't been fined yet.

They definitely dont, when I was a school governor this was looked at and most of the parents acted like normal people and said their children would be off as they were going away.

Lying about is is a bit pathetic imo

In an English state school? That's very surprising, £120 isn't even a fine amount is it?

@AutumnLover1989

The school generally aren’t allowed by the local authority to approve absences for this sort of thing (only in exceptional circumstances) so if you request it, it will almost certainly be unauthorised. However they can’t stop you from taking them out, and will only fine if it meets the threshold for absences. The fine comes from the Local Authority via the school as a middle man too just in case you thought it was the school who would fine you. I think it’s always best to just be honest though- put the request in, expect it to be unauthorised and take them away for the 3 days.

TBH most people just lie and say they’re sick. The school have a legal responsibility to monitor and report absence, but it only becomes a problem if children are regularly missing school. The class teachers 100% do not care if you’re saying they’re sick but actually going on holiday (I can say this as an ex-teacher with confidence) and it always used to make me chuckle when a kid came back from a week off “sick” with a cracking tan.

Of course you should lie. It’s fascist that you can’t take your kids to your friends wedding without lying but that’s the society you live in

You can and I was fined for one day annoyingly the only day DS had off that academic year. It’s unlikely on a midweek holiday.

I don't think there's any need to criticise parents for being unsure what to do and resorting to lying.

Just tell the school. It’s unlikely you’ll get a fine for 3 days. If it was one child, sickness sounds more believable than both being off at exactly the same time. I’ve actually never had both of mine poorly at the same time.

Just tell them the truth. They may not be able authorise it (though ours did authorise a week in Ireland for my cousin's wedding) but nor can they stop you going.

Don’t lie. By all means apply for the approved absence, but when it is refused 😀let them know you will be going anyway. What you really mustn’t do ,which will annoy the school more than anything is to rock up with a smile on your face a few days before and ask for some “work to take with you so they don’t fall behind”. You take your kids out of school, they miss out on some learning, that’s what happens,

Lie makes it easier for them too. Nobody cares it's a one off.

you can be fined for 10 absences ( 5 days) over a rolling 10 week period.

the fine is £160 per child per parent reduced to £80 if paid promptly.

that is not to say they will automatically fine you. i would not lie and risk getting caught out and damaging the relationship.

That's a hell of a long way to drag them for two days to participate in an event I can pretty much guarantee they will not enjoy. Do you have a partner? Can they stay behind with the kids while you go to the wedding?

Wanted to add: that is a hell of a way to drag two small and neurodiverse children with special needs. It will not be fun for them or for you. How many time zones are you crossing? All I see is a three-day nightmare.

I can’t believe some people are telling you to lie. The issue with lying is not the morality of it. It’s the impact on the kids. Imagine telling your kids “we’re doing something really exciting, we’re going on a trip, on a plane, and missing school!! But you MUST NOT tell anyone, none of your friends, and you have to pretend you’ve been ill. If someone asks what was wrong, you have to make up some symptoms. If the teacher asks if you’re feeling better now, you have to say yes, and pretend you’ve felt really poorly. Except some people know the truth, and you can tell them. But don’t slip up and accidentally tell someone the truth, if it’s a person you’re meant to be lying to”.

Does your friend genuinely want your two children there as a Wednesday term time wedding abroad is sending a very strong message no children welcome!

Lie! Next parents evening will be fun! A blow by blow account with illustrations telling how mummy said tell the teacher you were not well. Daddy said tell her none of her business. Great detail of the grown ups at the wedding one of whom was being actually sick in a bucket.

I had no idea this would set off such a strong response from some people. Thank you to all of those who have offered helpful and productive advice, I agree that I should not encourage my kids to lie and replied quite early on to confirm that I have decided to tell the school the truth.

Those who have suggested to leave kids at home with DH - I did consider this, but DH and I spend our life going to big events alone because we struggle to get anyone who can watch the kids. It is my best friend's wedding and I would really like for us all to go together. My kids may struggle but they will also see it as an adventure and I think being present at their 'Auntie's' wedding and going abroad is more important, big-picture-wise, than missing 3 days of school. We have very little family (kids have no grandparents or real aunties or uncles), I want them to feel they are part of something. I am very grateful to my friend for bending the rules for my kids and I love her very much and want to celebrate her marriage.

Oh please 🙄

Just tell the school you won't get fined for only 3 days!

Out school will authorise 3 days for a wedding abroad, 1day for wedding and day either side for travel

You have to have 5 consecutive days (10 marks AM/PM) to be fined

I'm a attendance officer in a secondary school

Also friends wedding may not get approved family usually does

Don’t lie. Just tell them. Don’t “request” it, they can’t stop you from taking your own children out of school for a few days. You might get fined but oh well.

If you think that’s bad you should hear all the other stuff I do.

Well you can rest easy tonight cause I used to just tell school. They still never authorised it but tbh it was a rarity for us so we were never fined etc.

Most if the parents just used to lie.

At a guess your parents failed you? And now that trait is being continued through the generations. Very sad.