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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie to the kids' school?

186 replies

Bananasinpyjamass · 05/01/2026 08:37

My best friend is getting married in June, it is an overseas wedding.

I have two DC, age 6 and 8, and I would like to take them with us as I have no family that can look after them. The wedding is on a Wednesday, so I would need to pull the kids out of school Tues - Thurs to fly out and attend.

My plan was to write to the school and explain the circumstances, ask that we are granted permission to remove both kids for 3 days, however a friend who works in education has advised that we just lie and say the kids are sick, that the teachers won't care even if they find out we are lying.

I am worried about lying that the kids are sick then getting into big trouble when the kids inevitably return to school and talk about flying on a plane etc.

However I am also concerned that the school will decline my request to remove them for 3 days and we will end up being fined/going to court (I am not clear on the rules and process.)

Does anyone have any advice?

YABU = Don't lie, inform the school and pay whatever fine/penalty they put up
YANBU = Lie to the school and say they are sick, it will be fine

OP posts:
PrincessOfPreschool · 05/01/2026 16:33

FrostedWoods · 05/01/2026 16:26

I have always told the truth but never requested time off I just informed them of the time we were taking off. One was formally granted and the others weren't but informally they said it was fine.

I tried to write to 'just let them know' and was forced to fill in a form to request the time off - even though I knew it would be declined! Obviously it was then declined. I did feel like the school secretary was annoyed though and implied it would be better to call in sick. Unauthorised absence reflects badly on the school, as opposed to sick days, I think. Means they're not 'tackling it' I assume. I'm still unwilling to lie even if for the school's benefit. But if it doesn't go against any moral code, I think it keeps everyone happier.

GiantTeddyIsTired · 05/01/2026 16:38

I'm thankful I live in a country where the school knows it doesn't own my kids and I would be able to just tell the school what I was doing.

But when I moved country a few years ago, the school (UK primary) wouldn't even grant my 5 year old 2 days off to come with us to the country we were moving to, to look for a flat/pick a new school! And we were moving 3 months later that school year!

With my kids at that age, I'd just do something more exciting on the Sunday (like go out for breakfast at Mcdonalds - not even actually exciting), and they'd have forgotten the whole trip on the plane TBH, so I wouldn't even have to ask them to lie :)

GloryDias · 05/01/2026 16:51

I work in attendance, fill in a leave of absence request form from school, it won't be authorised but you are only fined for unauthorised absences of 5 days (10 sessions) or more over a 10 week rolling period. It will simply be recorded in the register as unauthorised leave of absence, there'll be no further action.

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 05/01/2026 16:55

Tell the truth. They can authorise leave for exceptional circumstances - this could fall under this. even if unauthorised, there would be no fine for three days. Please just tell them as the kids are old enough to be embarrassed to be made to lie then again if they slip up - they’ll want to talk about it to their friends.

BlokeHereInPeace · 05/01/2026 17:31

Ex school governor here adding to the ones saying don't lie as you will a)put your kids in a bad situation and b) mean the school may have to do extra work on making sure that your kids are ok. As someone says, ask the day before if the teacher(s) can give any worksheets of the stuff being done, and make the trip a bit educational, which I'm sure you will do, have them learn Please and Thankyou in the local language, you know.

And it's in June so everyone in the school is knackered by then anyway and probably doing sports day or something, it's not like they won't ever be able to read.

Enjoy the trip!

throwawayusernamefornow · 05/01/2026 17:37

You may get one day (day of actual wedding) authorised. The other days won’t be but it won’t hit the limit for a fine. Be honest. Otherwise what are you teaching your kids?

nalione · 05/01/2026 17:48

Bananasinpyjamass · 05/01/2026 08:37

My best friend is getting married in June, it is an overseas wedding.

I have two DC, age 6 and 8, and I would like to take them with us as I have no family that can look after them. The wedding is on a Wednesday, so I would need to pull the kids out of school Tues - Thurs to fly out and attend.

My plan was to write to the school and explain the circumstances, ask that we are granted permission to remove both kids for 3 days, however a friend who works in education has advised that we just lie and say the kids are sick, that the teachers won't care even if they find out we are lying.

I am worried about lying that the kids are sick then getting into big trouble when the kids inevitably return to school and talk about flying on a plane etc.

However I am also concerned that the school will decline my request to remove them for 3 days and we will end up being fined/going to court (I am not clear on the rules and process.)

Does anyone have any advice?

YABU = Don't lie, inform the school and pay whatever fine/penalty they put up
YANBU = Lie to the school and say they are sick, it will be fine

Yep say they have caught a bug, heavy cold, fever but dont say its for any social gathering. They have just returned from the break. Lie, lie, lie. They will only grant time off for funerals.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 05/01/2026 18:03

Don't set the example of lying. Just be truthful and pay the fine if necessary.

FartyAnimal · 05/01/2026 18:13

My son has as in year 9 I think and I took him out for an overseas wedding for a couple of days. The headmaster sent a lovely email hoping we all had a great time.

PepsiBook · 05/01/2026 19:12

I work in a school.
Be honest with the school about the wedding.
A friend's wedding will not be approved, but an auntie's very likely will. My kids have a few of my friends who they actually call auntie... 🤔

bangalanguk · 05/01/2026 19:13

Don't lie about it, it's not a good example for your children and will mean that they are forced to lie too. Schools inevitably find out about this kind of thing. You are only fined if the absence is 5 days or more so even though it will probably not be authorised, you won't be fined for 3 days.

sprigatito · 05/01/2026 19:16

I wouldn’t lie, because I think it would be too stressful for the children. One of mine was very rule-abiding (autistic) and would have been on the ceiling with anxiety at being expected to maintain a fallacy. I would just tell the school it was happening and ignore any resultant histrionics. They’re your children.

cestlavielife · 05/01/2026 19:17

Impossible to get someone to sit with my DC and take them to school, they are ND and have additional needs.

Are they really going to enjoy or appreciate a wedding?

NewYearSameYou · 05/01/2026 19:33

Just tell the school. The children always tell us anyways! 😂

elliejjtiny · 05/01/2026 19:33

cestlavielife · 05/01/2026 19:17

Impossible to get someone to sit with my DC and take them to school, they are ND and have additional needs.

Are they really going to enjoy or appreciate a wedding?

My dc only have one person who will babysit for them. They love a good wedding though, and funerals.

oustedbymymate · 05/01/2026 19:35

You won’t get fined for three days. Tell the school will be unauthorised absence. No need to lie

Mumtryingtolivethedream · 05/01/2026 20:17

Don't lie kids can't keep secrets and shouldn't be encouraged to lie.
Before you ho make sure their attendance is as close to 100% as possible.
5 days or more which equals 10 marks 1 in a morning 1 in an afternoon triggers a fine anything less doesn't.
If youre going away for longer book 2-3 days before a term time break it will still be cheaper but wont trigger a fine.

MyMiniMetro · 05/01/2026 20:36

Call your children in sick. It’s less paperwork for the teachers, they won’t thank you for telling them. The teachers will also be sure to get selective hearing when the kids talk about it at school later. It’s a shame it’s come to this but it has.

Just ensure you and the kids stay off social media completely during those days.

Skybluepinky · 05/01/2026 21:18

Just tell the truth you won’t get fined for 3 days but it will go down as unauthorised.

Cheeky19863 · 05/01/2026 22:15

School will deny the request but take them anyway. Theyre your kids. Also they have to authorise 3 days for a wedding. One day to travel there, one day for the wedding and one to travel back even if its abroad. So as long as theyre not out of school for more then 7 days (3 authorised then 4 unauthorised) you wont be fined. Fines only apply to 5 days or more. We have done this ourselves

AlliWantIsARoomSomewheeeere · 05/01/2026 22:16

I just told the school the truth, It wasn't approved, but no one cared as kids have good attendance.
4 days, so no fine either.
Kids always drop you in it, so may as well be honest.

Jok77 · 06/01/2026 06:40

You shouldn't lie, the children will just tell the truth anyway.
One day might be authorised for the actual wedding. I'd take them for 3 or 4 days, inform the school. It will be unauthorised but shouldn't get a fine (unless they've already had lots of absences and/or constantly late).

Mumtum88 · 06/01/2026 09:35

I lied when I took my kids to Alton towers on a school day, we decided to take them mid week so that it would be quieter. We usually are quite strict so it was a one off. The next day it came out where she had been and I got a call from the school office questioning her absence. It was so embarrassing and even they said I should of just been honest so it ended up being more than it should. I doubt you’ll get fined for the leave anyway because it’s usually more than a week

LordVoldetort · 06/01/2026 13:41

They won’t approve the holiday as the school didn’t for a close family wedding which wasn’t destination wedding but the home country of new in-law. Take the kids out Tuesday and spend a few days there if you want, they can only fine for more than 4.5 days per term. Or just lie… sickness is 48 hours from last episode. The school will find out but they don’t care! I told one of my children’s teacher that my child would be sick on xx days

mamap14 · 06/01/2026 17:45

I’d just tell the school, they can’t authorise it but you won’t get fined for 3 days either. My understanding is it’s 10 session that you get fined for (morning & afternoon register so 5 days). We took ours out for 10 sessions last year, told the school where we were going and that they’d be missing some school, received the standard you could get find if it happens again letter which actually was quite scarily worded but as it was a one off it was fine & no fine. I think fines accumulate over the number of times they are off with unauthorised absences. Have a fab time!!

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