TW - termination

[BeLovingReader]

TW - termination of pregnancy

So I know this isn’t exactly AIBU as no pregnancy choice is unreasonable, but I don’t know where else to post (don’t want to post to pregnancy boards in case it’s insensitive).

I’ve discovered I’m 6 weeks pregnant. We have two sons age 9 and 7 and this was not planned nor wanted.

My husband is very pragmatic and logical and thinks we should terminate the pregnancy (although he recognises this is my choice and supports me) because of the impact it will have on our existing children. Mainly financial - whilst we have good wages, with the cost of living as it is, we are stretched to our limits. We can currently afford (just about) one abroad holiday away per year, and one weekend in the uk, but with another baby we likely wouldn’t be able to afford this. Our children are also older now and this would inevitably divide our attention away from them as we return to the baby/toddler years whilst my eldest enters his pre teen years.

My husband also has fears about whether his job may become redundant in the next few years due to AI (he works in programming) and redundancies are also being made at my place of work. We both acknowledge that we are lucky to have 2 healthy kids and worry this is another roll of the dice.

Basically overall husband thinks another child at this point would compromise our existing children’s lifestyle and to be honest he’s probably right.

With that being said, I LOVE being a mum more than anything and having babies has been my whole life purpose. I don’t know if going through with a termination will ruin me, I don’t know if I will handle the guilt and the constantly thinking of the ‘what would have been’. I also fear I would resent my husband as I may feel the choice was driven by him, and would that ruin our relationship? I also know that if we had the baby we likely would get by fine, and would undoubtedly love it.

Unfortunately we only have around 3 weeks to decide one way or another. I don’t know anyone in real life who’s been in this situation so hoping for some outside perspective although I do know that ultimately it’s my decision. Thanks for reading.

Bloody hell.

This thread is enough to make anyone pro life.

I'm solidly pro choice but not particulalry supportive of aborting girls in their thousands (as happens abroad and increasingly in the UK).

Do you think women should be able to make decisions about their own bodies ? Do you believe in Female Bodily Autonomy ?

I am in favour of choice, end of, as I said. As per the laws in the UK.
Stop repeating yourself.

Like you, many people will judge under certain
circumstances, even when pro-choice.

But ultimately, it’s legal to terminate for most reasons, even frivolous ones. You have to just let people crack on and make their own choices.

This thread is about OP’s choice. If it’s upsetting, it’s best to just hide the thread rather than debate it.

OP please consider getting non directive counseling about your decision. BPAS offers it and has a list of other trusted organizations on its site https://www.bpas.org/abortion-care/considering-abortion/advice-and-counselling/

We're not considering whether a woman should be able to choose, but whether (under circumstances where she can) certain reasons are good enough. It is completely possible to support legal access to abortion but think a) there should be limits (e.g. not abortion at 39 weeks) and b) even when permitted, certain reasons remain morally repugnant though they should not be legally prohibited.

I’m not sure why personal morality comes into it for any woman that isn’t the one making the decision.

But the OP asked! And you are making a moral decision that it is ok! Just a different one.

Oh op, look at the 2 you have and ask yourself would you get rid of one of those for another holiday? Of course not.

You've 'found yourself' to be pregnant. You need to do the responsible thing and have it. It's a child not a pregnancy.

May be an unpopular opinion but you have asked for other people's thoughts.

To be fair you must be able to see that your standalone example probably wasn't the best used

And @KatMansfield6 too please.this is not a post about morals.Op any reason that is valid to you is a reason to terminate or keep. X please mind yourself and your family.

You dont even need a reason for an abortion. That's the thing.

Dont want a baby? Have an abortion.

You can't police threads as long as people post within tgs.
You should not try to bully people to get off a thread. Just hide it if it upsets you.

Really?!
You absolutely should have a very good reason be it mentai or physical health issues.

Erm nope. HTH

Not wanting a baby is a good enough reason.

It doesn't help no. Women must have a very good reason to terminate. You seem very defensive?

You are talking complete nonsense and trying to guilt trip the OP. FWIW my mother had a termination in addition to having me and my sibling and I have never felt 'grief' for 'my lost sibling' (or whatever) or resentment towards my mum about it - I'm happy she was able to make the choice that was right for her.

OP, in terms of where your family is at (eg the ages of your existing children) and what you've said about your financial situation and job security etc, I would have a termination if I wad in your shoes. But obviously it has to be your decision either way.

That’s just your opinion though, it doesn’t mean you are right.

My friend's husband has no relationship with his older siblings for just this reason - they never forgave him for the change in circumstances they saw as his fault despite logic. It is an extreme and awful situation, but sibling relationships are not automatically wonderful.

OP you have an awful lot of emotional replies on both sides here. Only you can know the nuances of your family and project how you all might react. It is a horrible place to be, and I hope you find the choice that feels right to you.

I'm not defensive at all my love.

If someone doesnt want a baby, that is enough of a reason for abortion.

Dont like it? Tough. Not your body not your choice.

It really isn't.

Significant mental, physical, wellbeing, traumatic issues are reasons. Not wanting 'it' is not.

Shame. Because it is.

I could be pregnant right now with my reason being 'I dont want a baby' and guess what? I would thankfully be allowed an abortion 😊

I’m one of 3. I remember my Dad once saying you can give a lot to one, less to 2, and a lot less to 3. Mum had a termination after me because they literally couldn’t afford 4 children. This was back in the early 1980s.

We were a normal middle class family, no benefits, Dad worked hard to provide.

It’s sad when having another child literally comes down to finances but like others have said, it’s not just holidays but childcare, cost of feeding and clothing an additional child and the logistics of is there actually space in the home for another child or would 2 children have to share a bedroom.

Huge hugs OP. I know it’s not an easy decision and will be one that will live with you forever. We had a termination because of logistical reasons - I’m the higher earner and it would have meant I couldn’t have carried on with my career as it is. We are also older (would have been a geriatric pregnancy) plus I had a traumatic c-section with my last pregnancy so it would have been potentially risky to both me and baby. There’s a child in the family who is the same age as mine would have been as a constant reminder of where they would be in their development.

But for us, it was the right decision, and whilst I’ll always be a little sad and wonder what if, I don’t regret it. It has to be what’s right for you.