I'm going mad. Maybe

[AnonyMouse33]

Husband went to friends house and got in hot tub and was joined by three women. All above board but I'm upset that it's inappropriate and obviously I wasnt there.
For context, we're a Christian family and this just got to me, as I would never put myself in this position I would be so worried that it would be insensitive and inappropriate. He doesn't agree with me at all, though he's apologised.

Is this unreasonable? He said most people would be totally fine with it?

I don't judge other people for starters. I don't talk about sin, I accept that people get things wrong. I don't think women are temptresses, and believe that men should be capable of keeping their eyes on the road, their hands on the wheel and not be guided by what's in their pants because a woman is in a car with them. I find it insulting to both men and women to think either.

The Saviour let Mary Magdalen wash his feet. Is that a bit like a hot tub?

What sort of gathering? As in a party? Book club? Bible study? A bit more context would help OP.

Totally agree. I don't require threats of hell and damnation to be a decent and caring human being. When you need threats and promises it makes your behaviours disingenuous.

It really really isn't. It is not needed to believe in any of the 'gods' in order to live a moral and ethically correct life. You have shown far more judgement in those few lines than any atheist I know. And it puts you directly in contradiction with the Bible (John 8:7), so maybe you should consider taking a look slightly closer to home before deciding that we are all sinful for a lack of belief in one more god than you?

My thoughts too, it’s human soup isn’t it?
🤢

Wrong. I'm happy to hear other perspectives, hence the post.
What is irritating and unfair is being told that I think I'm better than other people because of my faith. Not once did I say that or even think it.

Everyone has standards and boundaries for all areas of life, whether they admit it or not, where mine fall doesn't have to automatically offend others by comparison.

It's genuinely fascinating to see how triggering this post is for people who claim each to their own.

You definitely described the whole dilemma in terms of your Christianity. The fact is you are concerned because your hubby got in a hot tub with three women. Was he naked? Did he do something sexual? Can you trust him? These are just the usual concerns of a wife with a husband who has stepped over the boundaries. Religion doesn’t really come into it. But you do sound pretty fundamentalist.

Wonder if people here would happily wear white to someone elses wedding if they fancied it? After all, even if it might be disrespectful to the couple, but it isn't to you, then such a standard of respect is clearly irrelevant.

'Each to their own' starts to fall apart a bit when personal freedom trumps respect.

You actually said 'for context we are a Christian family'. You haven't given any other context, it wasn't apparently a drunken party, no one went skinny dipping, you haven't said there was sexual inpropriety, so apart from sitting in hot water with females, what did he do? As I said I would have no problem with it, because my late husband was described by his female friends as a perfect gentleman. ( despite not being religious).

I'm just as sinful as everyone else on the planet.

'Let anyone who is without sin throw the first stone' is the verse you're referring to. I am not without sin, not even remotely. I ask for forgiveness often. I'm also not throwing stones at you or others, I am trying to explain the Christian viewpoint. The doctrine of the Church is that all have sinned and fallen away from God. It's not 'my' particular belief.

Huh?

This doesn't make any sense. If it was disrespectful for the wedding then... no? But none of us are in 'your' marriage and our standards aren't relevant.

My parents would say eating ham is disrespectful in their home as they keep kosher but no one else is obliged to do so in their own homes. You can have whatever rules you like for yourself.

What is the problem? Why didn’t you go to the party?

I don’t get it. Are you pissed off because your DH went in the HT with women you don’t know or just in the HT without you being there? Is the activity in of itself not becoming of a Christian man, he shouldn’t fraternise with women in a state of undress, it’s too familiar? If it is the latter I can sort of see your point but YABU.

I’ve always found it interesting that Christianity has the bit about forgiving sins. So you can go ahead and behave abominably but as long as you get forgiven all is fine. Sins are washed away. Hence the confession box. REALLY? I believe in the rule of law. Commit murder, steal, rape etc and you must go to prison. These are unforgivable acts. I really don’t like the “get out of jail free card” aspect of it. In the old days paying something to the church usually came into forgiveness.

But anyway, that being the case, you can always just forgive your hubby.

I’ve often sat in hot tubs with strange men at the gym or holiday hotels. It’s never been sexual. But maybe this private party was more raunchy?

Curious, what part is fundamentalist?

It's the doctrine of 'original sin'. And yes, it's offensive.
Look at a newborn baby and then tell me that baby has already sinned and needs baptising in order to be saved. Barbarism, and I really don't care what any so-called Christian thinks of my words which I have chosen carefully. Religion is a scourge on humanity largely and something we can all grow out of.
Then true morality begins, when we take personal responsibility for ourselves and our actions without outsourcing that responsibility to a psychological projection.

Right. So you've identified that the problem is when it affects (shows disrespect) to others. That's the entire point.

I'm not sure this is helping @AnonyMouse33 . You feel your DH disrespected you. Your reasons are in part because you feel that your Christian values should have made it obvious that it wasn't the right thing to do.

Ultimately, your DH should have discussed it with you.

I’d say it’s pretty fundamentalist to think that if a man is in the company of three women and no men he must be cheating. OK the hot tub makes it a bit more dodgy. Even so, it was probably completely innocent.

Does he work with women? Have any women friends? Go to a female doctor? Or do you live in a single sex world?

Being forgiven doesn't negate lawful and just consequences for crimes.

You very clearly stated that unbelievers are naturally inclined to sinfulness. You cast a stone specifically at unbelievers i.e. you judged us differently to believers. Now you are backtracking to include everyone as sinful. Standard Christian hypocrisy writ large.

Personally, I try to avoid sins and then I don't need to ask a mythical being for forgiveness.

I don't think it's inherently wrong and I've never said that. Something can be both technically fine but disrespectful too.
Much like wearing white to someone else's wedding isn't wrong in itself, but shows a disregard for the occasion.

No, forgiveness isn't a 'get out of jail free' card. Not one little bit. If you keep repeating your sinfulness and rely on confession thinking it will make everything fine, don't think God doesn't see through your motives! Btw most denominations don't have confession boxes. But that aside, forgiveness is based on you being sincerely repentent. To keep on sinning willingly isn't sincerity and God knows it. Forgiveness by God is purely an act of mercy on His part. We don't deserve it. "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy" (Romans 9:15)

It's interesting how we humans view acts like murder and rape as unforgiveable sins. They aren't, not in God's eyes. Any sin can be forgiven by God if the person is truly repentent.

Could you please explain what is so disrespectful about it?

Yes ALL humanity is sinful. Everyone was at one time an unbeliever, or still are. So that means in your view I've cast stones at all humanity - including myself ? I too was an unbeliever. I too thought I wasn't sinful. Sinful? But that's murderers, thieves, rapists, right? I haven't done that, I'm not a sinner! Well, no. That was ME being a hypocrite when far younger.