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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we can’t take the children out of school just to spend Christmas with DHs family

215 replies

ansieone · 04/01/2026 04:34

My DH is Serbian, he is Orthodox Christian and celebrates Christmas on January 7th. We have 2 DC our eldest is 4 and will start school in the summer. We are flying out tomorrow for his family Christmas and I was packing, I mentioned casually that it was a bit sad this would be our last year going for a while, he seemed totally shocked and asked why. I mentioned that most of the time school will be back by the 7th so we won’t have a choice. He said that he figured we’d just take the kids out of school for the first week back, we will likely go private so fines shouldn’t be an issue but he said even if we went state he’d rather pay the fines than miss Christmas with his family. He believes that it is really important they get time with his family and not just his parents who will visit but his siblings, cousins etc. and Christmas is the only time everyone is reliably together. I do understand this but I’m not sure I agree that we can just pull them out for the first week of term year after year, maybe I’d feel differently if it was one day, or the last day of term, but 5 whole days at the start of term where I expect they will be refreshing last terms learning and starting new topics feels damaging.

AIBU to say we can’t just take them out of school? DH seems really upset and annoyed at the prospect of missing Christmas with his family.

OP posts:
HollyGolightly4 · 04/01/2026 04:39

Schools will give time off for religious observance- Ukrainian Christmas, Eid, Hanukkah etc.

However, that's likely to be a day or two, I doubt they'd authorise the whole week.

It's a tricky one- could you look at dates to plan the holiday getaway carefully to minimise the impact?

redmountain · 04/01/2026 04:41

I would definitely take them out - that Christmas sounds lovely and makes their lives richer being part of it.

i’m in Ireland so we have no fines but many people take it their children out for a week in term time for holidays and i dont think it causes any long term issues.

Cactiiii · 04/01/2026 04:48

You can and IMO you should! Imagine how much they will get from a lovely tradition, seeing their family, being abroad, immersed in another culture.

we’re really conditioned in this country to believe 100% attendance is incredibly important. I feel it’s more important to put your family morals and values first.

unless your child is falling desperately behind in anything, I would say go, every time!

HAPPILYMARRIEDSINCE2012 · 04/01/2026 04:51

Cactiiii · 04/01/2026 04:48

You can and IMO you should! Imagine how much they will get from a lovely tradition, seeing their family, being abroad, immersed in another culture.

we’re really conditioned in this country to believe 100% attendance is incredibly important. I feel it’s more important to put your family morals and values first.

unless your child is falling desperately behind in anything, I would say go, every time!

This

Allswellthatendswelll · 04/01/2026 04:52

I'd definitely take them out for a religious celebration and to see family. Also schools don't start until the 6th often so if you were to come back on the 9th say it would be only three days.

stickygotstuck · 04/01/2026 04:57

Absolutely do it, especially when they are so young!

Similar situation in our family, except it's usually been only 2-3 days for us. Primary school did authorise a couple of times, secondary never did. My position was So what? They get so much from a family and culture point of view that a few days off are negligible.

I did say this to the schools. I was just politely informing them that DC would not be attending

CarlaLemarchant · 04/01/2026 05:02

Agree with PP. There is a chance the absence might be authorised given the religious significance and the overseas element. Even if it wasn’t, I’d still do it, especially during primary school.

Allaboutthegirliguess · 04/01/2026 05:04

Agree with everyone else. It would be more beneficial to go than not to.

My DS 14 father lives in Europe and he regularly misses says here and there to visit him. Again I just inform the school and I dont care less what they say as I have our priorities right.

It sounds amazing your DC can have this opportunity. And I think its silly to think missing a week off school will effect them. Especially when they are young.

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 04/01/2026 05:12

I think that the biggest problem here is that it will be, as you said, the first week of a new term, and if it was the first term of a new school year, I would say that that would be a very bad idea.

However, by January all the children should have their established friendships, and the teachers should know them pretty well by then as well, so I would discuss it with their class teacher before the Christmas break, and s/he might be able to come up with a compromise of your DC taking some school work with them.

For the first few years at infant school that would probably work out fine. The teacher could also ask you to help your DC take some pictures, and maybe bring back some things that are special to their type of Christmas, for a show and tell type of lesson.

But @ansieone I don't understand why you are causing yourself and your DH stress this year, and at this time? There is a chance that your trip this year could be made stressful rather than enjoyable if you don't backtrack with your DH.

I don't mean that you should lie to him, I mean that you should let yourself realise that it is going to be quite a few years yet until your DC mustn't miss any school at all, if it actually ever even comes to that! It might be that for a few years - quite a long time from now - that you will have to go for a shorter visit, maybe with you and your DC only staying there for 2 full days, and your DH staying a little longer? But so much can change in even 5 years, that I really don't think that any of you should be worrying about it yet. Please put your DH mind at ease, and all of you enjoy a wonderful (Hobbit) Christmas! 🎄

Frozensun · 04/01/2026 05:24

Honestly, you can and you should. It’s his religious observance and develops/maintains relationships with family. Assuming you’re Christian, what would be your response to cancel Christmas and not see any family during this period? You can ask for advance work for the week from teachers before Christmas if you need to. But please don’t indicate to him that his religion and culture lacks importance in his children’s lives.

4babiesforever · 04/01/2026 05:46

My parents used to do that for us.
my mother would have us write a daily journal and we talk about it when we got back to school. So we were celebrating and our culture and learning

TeamGeriatric · 04/01/2026 05:48

I think I probably would take them out in this situation, particularly in primary school, but I would try and minimise time out of school, next year it's a Thursday, so presumably you could just go Wednesday to Sunday? Even private schools around here are going back Monday or Tuesday next week.

FrootyCider · 04/01/2026 05:50

Go - you won't be the first or last, especially in private. But please don't ask the teacher for cover work. It's not their responsibility to provide learning materials if you have chosen to take them out of school. (Teacher here!)

StealthMama · 04/01/2026 05:52

If this is a religion you are choosing for your child to be part of, then yes you take them out of school and it would likely be authorised absence so no fines.

you might reconsider this for exam years as they are older, but a few days each year till then really isn’t an issue.

TheNightingalesStarling · 04/01/2026 06:09

Private schools have longer holidays, so it might not be an issue.

But this is 0ne of the scenarios where missing school is ok, especially in younger years. Secondary you might need to be more careful around exams.

Lockdownsceptic · 04/01/2026 06:13

It’s silly to be worrying about it now. You will spoil this year’s celebration. Leave it till next year to decide. And it won’t always be five days. Depending on what day of the week Christmas falls they might only need to miss a couple of days of school some years. It is important that your DC don’t miss out on family celebrations with their Serbian relatives so I suggest you prepare to be flexible on this.

RawBloomers · 04/01/2026 06:14

Might be different if they really struggle in school or in GCSE years, but certainly through primary I think they'll get far more out of a family Christmas like that than they will out of school.

Doteycat · 04/01/2026 06:22

Im a bit baffled as to how you 'mentioned casually" that you had unilterally decided his family wouldnt see his kids at christmas anymore.
Thats appalling carryon for somone who you are meant to love.
Id take them out for this, in fact id make it a priority. But you clearly dont think it is.
I would so be having words with you if you were my spouse tbh.
Mention casually my arse.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/01/2026 06:22

My dd is at private school. She’s back on 7th. I really would not be concerned about this at all. Private schools now have to report and justify absences the same as state schools. But it’s a couple of days.

Walkden · 04/01/2026 06:26

"There is a chance the absence might be authorised given the religious significance"

It absolutely should be authorised since leave for religious reasons is routinely given for Eid/ Jewish holidays etc both for staff and pupils.

happydays312 · 04/01/2026 06:28

Agree with your husband here - I would take them out. I teach in state school but 70% of our children are from other countries. Many of these will not be back on Tuesday as they travel to different countries for Christmas and have different celebrations. Christmas time and family are special so I support those going! The school does fine (in line with LEA) but only on the 5th day. This means this year they can be off this week and return on Monday 12th without incurring the fine as it's a 4 day week. I would just try to make sure you spend time before Christmas and then head back straight after rather than lots of time after.

Genevieva · 04/01/2026 07:05

A 4 year old can miss a few days of school for an important family occasion. I’d make a habit of it through primary school and probably stop when they are in Y8+.

Bournetilly · 04/01/2026 07:07

1 day or 2 will probably be authorised and they might not need to miss the whole 5 days as sometimes the schools do go back a bit later. My DCs school didn’t go back until the 8th Jan last year.

I would be happy taking them out whilst they were young, I’m not sure if I would when they were doing GCSEs but that’s a long time away.

ohfook · 04/01/2026 07:09

I agree with your dh. Children are allowed time out of school for religious festivals and this is no different.

Strawberrryfields · 04/01/2026 07:10

I’m a bit on the fence - Yanbu to have the initial reaction that your children should be in school during term time. However in these circumstance I do think it should be a discussion and don’t think it would be unreasonable for them to have time off to celebrate their culture.

Perhaps you’ve both been slightly unreasonable in just making assumptions about what will happen without speaking about it or giving if much thought. It’s clearly a big deal to him so I’m surprised it hasn’t come up or that you weren’t expecting this reaction.

Are there other Serbian holidays he would expect them to be off too? If you both work, it’d be useful to have a practical conversation about how you’ll manage school holidays and annual leave throughout the year.