To think we can’t take the children out of school just to spend Christmas with DHs family

[ansieone]

My DH is Serbian, he is Orthodox Christian and celebrates Christmas on January 7th. We have 2 DC our eldest is 4 and will start school in the summer. We are flying out tomorrow for his family Christmas and I was packing, I mentioned casually that it was a bit sad this would be our last year going for a while, he seemed totally shocked and asked why. I mentioned that most of the time school will be back by the 7th so we won’t have a choice. He said that he figured we’d just take the kids out of school for the first week back, we will likely go private so fines shouldn’t be an issue but he said even if we went state he’d rather pay the fines than miss Christmas with his family. He believes that it is really important they get time with his family and not just his parents who will visit but his siblings, cousins etc. and Christmas is the only time everyone is reliably together. I do understand this but I’m not sure I agree that we can just pull them out for the first week of term year after year, maybe I’d feel differently if it was one day, or the last day of term, but 5 whole days at the start of term where I expect they will be refreshing last terms learning and starting new topics feels damaging.

AIBU to say we can’t just take them out of school? DH seems really upset and annoyed at the prospect of missing Christmas with his family.

It would only be a few days if you came back straight after? I seriously wouldn’t worry about it. It’s not like you’re taking a couple of weeks off every year.

I think you're a little ahead of yourself with this worry around missing school. Once they get to year 9 (13/14yo) missing a week can be a game changer in terms of catching up, but I personally think 1 week straight after Christmas for religious reasons wont be a long term issue while your children are still so young.

I am very anti taking kids out of school but even I would be ok with this especially when they're little. Not in GCSE year etc. they will benefit from a family xmas, rich culture etc.

Also some private schools go back much later. Mine aren't back until the 7th and there are a couple of schools around here that don't start until the 12th! So if you're going private you could suss out which are historically likely to go back later in January (although there's no guarantee of rid of course).

In this situation, I wouldn't hesitate to take the children out of school. It is important for them to experience both cultures and learn about their heritage.

Of course you can and should.
Why would you deprive them of celebrating with their family?
And how will missing a week of school affect them?

Some private schools are stricter than state schools regarding absenteeism.

Op what would be your view if it were the other way round? It may be the case that youd be able to host one every so often?

I used to be a teacher. It's annoying when this happens. I know all the arguments, but it's still symptomatic of the individualised, self above all else society we are becoming. No. Stay in the bloody school with your classmates, show some self discipline and learn whatever is going on in real time alongside everybody else.

TB entirely honest, for many of us giving our children the opportunity to spend time with their families is more important to us, in the grand scheme of things, than whether we mildly piss off a teacher or not.

Yes YABU. This is why most people go for private schools and I wouldn’t think you’ll get fined. TBH even if you were in a state school you wouldn’t get fined for a couple of days. Plus most years schools don’t go back until at least the 4th- this year my kids aren’t back until the 7th- so they will miss very little learning. I would try to get them back into school asap after the 7th though and minimise absence for the rest of the year (and you might have to rethink in exam years but that’s a way off).

Of course you can't. School is important, and you send the wrong message to the children by letting them think they can bunk off whenever you/they like.
Lots of people spend Christmas away from their extended family - it's completely normal. Your husband can still celebrate Orthodox Christmas at home on the day itself. Or he can go away, and you and the children stay at home.

I think the important word there is 'used' to be a teacher.
Thankfully.
Could never stick those ones who thought they ruled the roost.

Of course she can. Taking children to see family for a religious holiday is important. Ignoring this is sending the wrong message to the children. HTH.

I’m not sure that private schools will be back by the 7th. Or if they are, I think they’d authorise a day or two on the end of the hols for religious observance.

So perhaps you’ll need to fly earlier and get back just after the 7th but it might well be possible.

I don’t like my children to miss school either but this sounds like it’s very important to your DH.

Thankfully the Head at my children’s school is fully supportive of family time and observing cultural and religious celebrations. Every year I put our absence request in for our trip to Spain to spend Reyes with family, and every year she replies with ‘have a wonderful time, family time is very important’.

There’s a balance there though surely?

Holidays just for holidays’ sake must be annoying but this is a family/ religious observance that’s important to these children’s family.

I can see why a parent might still not want their children to miss school anyway and might choose to skip having Christmas with family, but this is not an example of “self above all else”. And there’s a big gulf between that and “self never” which is what you seem to be advocating.

I wouldn't have any qualms about doing this 🤷‍♀️

Of course you can take them out of school for many years to come. I did it right through my children's education and they're all doing great.

There's a lot more important things in life than school.

And that sounds bloody marvelous!!!

The point I was trying to make is about holes in learning and not being part of the group; it's not really about pissing me off. Kids should be invested in the group..We're living in an increasingly atomised society. Isn't that the problem, and the reason so many young people appear to have developed mental health problems....because there is now this sense that school is something to be avoided, or something you dip in and out of..... something not to be respected, or invested in. You can go and visit your relatives when you're 18 and you go off backpacking round the world. In the meanwhile, stay in the classroom and prove you can sustain being part of a group for more than 5 minutes. All this bobbing in and out......it's like going to watch a play and leaving during the interval and saying " oh well, i got the gist of it, i don' t need to watch the second half " . It's crass. You just don't do it.

Take them out for sure - what a great experience for them. Like a pp, I am in Ireland (used to teach in England) and am always bemused at the angst over 100% attendance/fines etc. Students here take time off for holidays etc all the time - no major impact (not talking about constant absentees obviously).

My kids are fully part of their peer group, are able to sustain being part of the group ‘for more than 5 mins’, are excelling academically, have loads of friends, are on multiple sports teams and love school. Going to visit their grandparents (who could be dead by the time they’re 18!) for an important cultural celebration every year while missing 2-3 days of school hasn’t affected that in the slightest. They are rarely ill so attendance is still usually above 98% 🤷🏻‍♀️, never below 95%.
’Bobbing in and out’ is absolute hyperbole, and is why people don’t take posts like yours seriously. They’re in school the rest of the year.

Taking children out for a family religious observation, or even a family holiday, is not 'bobbing in and out'.
Took mine out plenty and all 3 are very highly educated and well able to be part of, and run, a group for more than 5 mins.
But you keep on proving why people get annoyed at patronising teachers who think they know best.

Yes id do this apart from maybe once they reach exam years in high school. Even then it may be ok if dc can self study

The grandparents' death could indeed be accelerated if they have the bloody grandkids popping up on their doorstep pestering them and dusturbing the peace every festive season..Give the poor things a break.