To think we can’t take the children out of school just to spend Christmas with DHs family

[ansieone]

My DH is Serbian, he is Orthodox Christian and celebrates Christmas on January 7th. We have 2 DC our eldest is 4 and will start school in the summer. We are flying out tomorrow for his family Christmas and I was packing, I mentioned casually that it was a bit sad this would be our last year going for a while, he seemed totally shocked and asked why. I mentioned that most of the time school will be back by the 7th so we won’t have a choice. He said that he figured we’d just take the kids out of school for the first week back, we will likely go private so fines shouldn’t be an issue but he said even if we went state he’d rather pay the fines than miss Christmas with his family. He believes that it is really important they get time with his family and not just his parents who will visit but his siblings, cousins etc. and Christmas is the only time everyone is reliably together. I do understand this but I’m not sure I agree that we can just pull them out for the first week of term year after year, maybe I’d feel differently if it was one day, or the last day of term, but 5 whole days at the start of term where I expect they will be refreshing last terms learning and starting new topics feels damaging.

AIBU to say we can’t just take them out of school? DH seems really upset and annoyed at the prospect of missing Christmas with his family.

If she had, not unreasonably, assumed he intended to follow school rules same as she does and had thought it through then it could be a casual mention as she assumed they had had the same thought process already.

I would have done and could see myself mentioning it casually as well as it would be obvious to me school came first and I would have expected DH to have put 2 and 2 together similarly.

This is exactly what I'd think

Maybe when older, in exam years rethink but in primary? I wish we could do an Irish and a Scottish Christmas, of they were on different dates it would be ideal. It sounds lovely for you all

Children from families who observe religions that have holy days falling in term time are legitimately allowed days off school for religious observance but not a whole week every year. You'll need to negotiate with the specific school.

I would say certainly for primary it’s not an issue. It’s a lovely tradition to celebrate with family . When they are older you may want to reconsider.

Well imo it is unresonble to assume this.
OP knew who she married.
And i dont see why you or anyone would assume school comes first in this instance.
But the engish system has people in some wierd chokehold i guess.

Might be ok in lower years of primary but I would be less inclined to do this as DC get older due to the awkward timing, getting introduced to new topics at school at the start of term, plus mock exams, coursework due etc.

Because going to school is the default. Doing something different is possible (and in this case I think not unreasonable) but it’s a conversation. They’ve both made assumptions about what will happen without communicating.

We’ve just taken our eldest out of school for two weeks to have extended time of Christmas with family in Australia. It wasn’t worth going for just the school holidays and it isn’t every year.

School couldn’t authorise it but told us to enjoy it.

absence for a religious festival is one of the few reasons state schools can authorise absence for these days.

private schools will be absolutely fine with it.

When your kids are adults they will remember those lovely family Christmas holidays but won't remember what they did in their first week back at school in January. Take them out of school and enjoy these precious childhood years and embed family traditions.

One of DD’s Spanish friends is missing celebrating 6th Jan in her home country for the first time this year as she is doing GCSEs this summer. She has missed the first week of term every previous year.

I’d do it in primary but probably not in secondary… however that’s years off so I would do it for now. Can you make sure you are back on 9th always?

You need to ask the school what is their position in this, the private schools I have dealt with, are very strict on missing days, but in your case, it may be allowed.

I'm with him, especially for the first few years of primary school:

Also if you go private you may find the schools are still off most years

How do people who talk to others on the internet in this way get by in real life? Do they talk like this to others? Baffles me.

During the primary years I’d say it’s fine. It’s clearly very important to your DH and education doesn’t begin and end in the classroom. Re-evaluate when they get older.

You mean calling out bad behaviour?
How strange that baffles you.
Ah well. You'll get over it.

I think this is a school issue, work too.
Why do we break up early and then go back early, missing Epiphany or, in your case, Orthodox special days?
I have to go to away in Tuesday and the kids are back at school, yet the 6th is the day where they get their presents/visit from the Three Kings. Epiphany is a key date in the Christmas calendar, yet it's not taken into account.

Just do it, a week of school will not be missed.

Can you aim to be back by, say, 9th January? Private schools tend to go back a bit later than state schools - e.g. this year it tends to be around 7th January - so at least this would minimise the time they lose.

Why wouldn't you assume that you and your spouse will be obeying the law?

Christmas with family is extremely important. I think it's fine to miss a few days for a religious/family occasion, at least when they're younger.

Admittedly my view is coloured by being from a country that doesn't fine you for missing school unless it's too many days.

I think every second year would be a good compromise until they're older.

Schools I have worked have always been flexible for orthodox students, the same as people having time off for Hanukkah or Eid.

I wouldnt.
I would have a conversation about how we would manage holidays and term time with a man i knew had a different culture to mine.
Not casually mention it after the fact.