My nanny got cosmetic surgery and can’t work

[Crispychillifriedbeef]

We live overseas and we have a full time nanny. She also does cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. This is normal for the culture here. Everyone has a housekeeper / nanny / driver. We pay her well and she’s part of the family, she’s been with us 18 months with no problems.

My husband works full time and I’m a writer and a part time student. We have a small child at school and a two year old who is at home but attends an educational setting part time. My husband and I go to lots of events so need evening cover.

Anyway, we have been in our home country for 3 weeks over Christmas and the nanny has had 3 weeks paid leave. She sends me a WhatsApp today saying “I’ve had cosmetic surgery done” with various photos. She is expecting to be off work for 3-4 weeks. We come back to the country tomorrow so we’re expecting to see her tomorrow.

AIBU to be annoyed? This was sprung on me at the last minute.

I’m guessing you are somewhere like Thailand, eye operations are really common. In these circumstances I would say to her that you are giving her notice to leave, it’s simply not acceptable to give no notice

Ain't you a delight. 😆

We don’t have a live in nanny.

She has her own house.

She does the housekeeping and nannying in the afternoons when I’m working. The nanny isn’t here 24/7.

She doesn’t want the nanny’s life dedicated to her, she wants notice when the nanny declares she will be off for weeks, just like literally every single employer would.

Absolutely bonkers

Something about the post is so out of realm of normality of just figuring it out between the parents (you would split shifts OP with your husband but somehow it seems that’s is not your lifestyle). Is this a peep into the world of the rich and famous who have staff to raise children and outraged when one of them doesn’t step in line?

You sound wealthy enough OP to have resources and I’m sure you and your husband can sort out some alternative arrangement in time or maybe you will need to watch the children 😳

She is not a servant. She is an employee. With salary, annual leave and a contract.

I would give her notice. It's completely unacceptable. If I did that, I'd be fired.

Really? All parents in the UK that I know have paid childcare. A range of nannies, nursery, childminders. I don't know anyone who studies and works while caring for a toddler.

Is it really so difficult for you to imagine that people live differently in different parts of the world?

Lack of notice..yanbu.

I think the OP is getting a hard time. In some countries it is considered the proper thing to employ staff if you have money because there are people without jobs.
If the nanny doesn’t want to come in because of people seeing her with bruising, surely this would be annual leave.

It would be catastrophic if you worked evenings, but that is not what you have told us. You said your husband works full time and you are a writer and part time student. So are the 'diplomatic functions' really essential for you to attend to a degree that you can't forgo them for 3 weeks? I would question how much you value the nanny and if she is really part of the family, and how you would manage without one before you act hastily.

Wow. How unbelievably rude are you.

Majority of parents don't look after their children full time. Most have childcare because they have to work.
Not many nannies in our area but plenty of nurseries and childminders, do you think all families should have a SAHP?

I’m UK based with generous pad sick leave, it’s very clear that it doesn’t cover cosmetic surgery.

OP said surgery was yesterday

I do I work alongside her as a midwife. She has an older child 10 and a 3 yr old She shares childcare with her husband and works nights.

I’ve had a nanny and being able to trust them is imperative to me.

I do hope you've never used paid childcare? Do you homeschool your children? Ever ate in a restaurant? Had a takeaway delivered? Get your rubbish picked up by binmen? How hypocritical of you, if you do.

OP does she acknowledge how inconvenient this is for you? Has it come as a total shock that you’re annoyed?

I don't think so - The NHS Terms and Conditions of Service (Agenda for Change) state that there is no entitlement to occupational/contractual sick pay for purely elective or cosmetic procedures.

Electing to have cosmetic surgery without discussing the scheduling with your employer and going deliberatly absent without leave when not actually sick and when expected to be at work would definitely result in a disciplinary hearing if not actual sacking.

You may be right that someone doing this might get SSP if recovery takes longer than expected, if they didn't get summarily sacked for gross misconduct for the initial absense (or if they properly booked unpaid leave for a normal expected recovery period and then were not able to return to work when expected). Given that OP's nanny had the procedure yesterday, if they were in the UK the entitlement for SSP wouldn't have been reached yet.

Apart from my children going to school, I’ve never had any paid childcare!
Both my husband and myself worked full time

There was another post on here about a diplomatic spouse not wanting to go to functions / national days and a few posters quite firmly told her off for not going!

It’s kind of expected but not mandated that I show my face at a few of them because of my husband’s job.

my work contract specifically says if you are having elective cosmetic surgery you have to take annual leave so you’d have to give notice, so I couldn’t ring work Monday morning and call in sick because I’d had an elective op.

this all depends on how good a Nanny she is. Is she worth holding on to? If she is, then let her know you aren’t happy and either don’t pay her or pay the minimum sick leave she has. And then move on and hopefully she learn not to be a CF.

or if actually she’s ok but nothing great then just give her notice.

Not wanting to be seen doesn’t fulfil the criteria of sick leave.

tbh I’m not sure elective cosmetic surgery does either.

and for eyelid surgery she will be physically fit in a week