My nanny got cosmetic surgery and can’t work

[Crispychillifriedbeef]

We live overseas and we have a full time nanny. She also does cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. This is normal for the culture here. Everyone has a housekeeper / nanny / driver. We pay her well and she’s part of the family, she’s been with us 18 months with no problems.

My husband works full time and I’m a writer and a part time student. We have a small child at school and a two year old who is at home but attends an educational setting part time. My husband and I go to lots of events so need evening cover.

Anyway, we have been in our home country for 3 weeks over Christmas and the nanny has had 3 weeks paid leave. She sends me a WhatsApp today saying “I’ve had cosmetic surgery done” with various photos. She is expecting to be off work for 3-4 weeks. We come back to the country tomorrow so we’re expecting to see her tomorrow.

AIBU to be annoyed? This was sprung on me at the last minute.

It's no big secret my partner used to service boilers at an army base. The application was long and they still needed a DBS check. If you and your husband works for the army then you know who ever enters or works for them has to be vetted. The best solution is is to use one of the other families nannies. Your nanny is out of action.

This thread is to do with diplomats, not just people working abroad. At most of the events we were attended as part of our responsibilities, whites were definitely in the minority.

Perhaps you could explain how our staff who were mothers could do a full-time job, looking after my children, unless someone looked after their own since there were no facilities. It was usually a family member but they were generally paid In fact, I forgot, staff often brought their babies to work!

Nationals 'don't have the work ethic" in the places you mentioned? OMG racism at its best ! Where have you come across that?

Western diplomats are expected to pay the going rate for the job for the usual hours on the market. It's part of showing how our ethics apply. Staff also have legal contracts which is not necessarily the case in non-diplomatic households.

I have never had a glorified nanny looking after my kids. A nanny looked after my kids and a maid was a maid in all the developing countries we worked in. I don't have experience in First World countries though.

Driver isn't mentioned here, is it?

Do you mean my tax is being spent on someone else's nanny?

I’m in a similar situation OP in terms of living in a different country and having live-in help. I think that people forget that when you emigrate somewhere else, you have literally NO network. No family, no friends initially, and it takes a long time to build a network that you trust enough to ask for help with childcare. My husband and I both work full time and have to travel for work. There’s no way we could manage without someone who is there to look after our children - never mind ever having the occasional date night. But ultimately, I think a lot of people are just jealous when they hear that people have live in help, they view it as incredibly bourgeois without considering the challenges of having to uproot yourselves and move to another country for work. Re the situation itself, not cool that she didn’t discuss this with you. Not cool that you’re now left with no childcare for three weeks (I think this is excessive tbh) I’m not sure I’d dismiss her if she’s normally great, but I’d have a serious conversation with her about why it isn’t great that she’s let you down like this and that it absolutely cannot happen again.

If the government is going to send a diplomat with family to a country (particularly a developing country) they owe them a duty of care. If standard childcare is unavailable, they will make the cost of a nanny part of the relocation package, just as a private company would do.

I have friends in the oil business who are expats. Part of their relocation package is private schooling for their children at international schools. So you might need to resent paying for that when you fill up your car or heat your house.