Friend being unreasonable .?

[Aprilmaymum]

Happy new year everyone.
Friend of DP arrived at our house on New year eve saying his wife and him having problems and can he stay the one night. We agreed to one night only as to be honest we don’t have the space. New year day he was still here and still here now. DP explained that with three young children we cannot accommodate him . He is sleeping on our sofa and doesn’t get up on the morning so we are walking around him. DP spoke to him this morning again and he said he would help us out anytime which made my DP feel guilty. I want him gone. Apparently his wife has said she doesn’t want him back and has changed the locks and no one else will have him. One night was fine but I honestly think we should be saying he has to go where as DP said we should give him until after the weekend. What are other thoughts ?

Doesnt he have a job to go to? Is he in your house all day?

You are definitely not being unreasonable. He is taking the piss. Your DH needs to tell him to leave.

Just tell him he has to go tonight.... He's not your problem to solve....

Otherwise,Make his life a pain, get the kids to jump on him,.and wake him up at 6am etc

He doesn’t go back until Monday

He can very easily book a hotel.

Tell him to go.

Tell him to find a premier inn.

He definitely needs to go.

What a nightmare for all of you.

My thoughts are that his situation is obviously very difficult for him, but you are not his long term solution. You told him what support you could give, you gave it, and now he either needs to seek more support elsewhere, or indeed, find a way to sort himself out.

I can see both sides.

If one of my friends were thrown out of their home by their partner, I would move heaven and earth to help them.

I do, however, see that it is awkward with him being there.
I would be very clear, with things like the fact your household is up and about from {insert time} and you wouldn't be tip-toeing around him.

I would also question a bit as to how it is that dp is the only person in the world who would help him.

So, it depends. How close a friend is he?
Why doesn't he have anywhere else?
If he has nowhere else, then where, exactly is he going on Monday?

This is tough. He needs a spot of kindness from you, but he should be working with you (getting up first, cleaning up, taking the kids out if they would help you). If he’s just lazing on your sofa all day, kick him out.

I find it a bit awkward that both you and DH have asked him to leave and he hasn’t, then made DH feel guilty by saying well I’d help you out mate.

You said 1 night and he is still there.

I can’t help but feel like this man has some sort of controlling issues, the fact you’ve said his wife doesn’t want him back and no one else will take him in.

He is taking advantage of you and DH.

Pick up his stuff and put it outside. If he doesn’t leave, call the police.

Hotel. Simple.

Are there any cheap hotels he could go to nearby? A travelodge or similar? I guess on monday he will need to ask for help from the LA as he is now homeless, which is very sad

I think that the three of you will have to sit down together and talk through what his options are. You’re going to be making him think about what’s going to happen and help him to make a plan.

He’s a grown man. He should be capable of coming up with his own plans.

Thanks for your thoughts. He has other friends but they all said no. I have learnt tonight that this happened a couple of years ago when his wife kicked him out and he slept on the sofa for 2 months at another friends. !!! DP never mentioned this as he said I was in hospital having little one and we had enough on at the time.

I would give him longer. He may well be in a state of mental distress and I would want to help and not be too harsh.

If this lazy, selfish guilt-tripping is typical of his behaviour, his wife had the right idea. Follow her example.

No quite rural.

Then he will have go go further afield then. It is unfair for you to have to put him up and sounds like he isn't very respectful of being in someone else's house. You need to ask him to go.

Ask him to leave.
If he refuses call the police.
Make life uncomfortable for him. Use your hoover,put the TV when you get up, have a "slanging match" with your DH at the top of your voices, give your dc recorders to learn to play.

Well where's he going in Monday then....?

No idea. He told DP he will sort something for Monday.

Why the hell are you tiptoeing round him?! Walk in, open the curtains, say loudly “ok we need to use the lounge now Dave so you’ll have to get up”.