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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend being unreasonable .?

161 replies

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 18:33

Happy new year everyone.
Friend of DP arrived at our house on New year eve saying his wife and him having problems and can he stay the one night. We agreed to one night only as to be honest we don’t have the space. New year day he was still here and still here now. DP explained that with three young children we cannot accommodate him . He is sleeping on our sofa and doesn’t get up on the morning so we are walking around him. DP spoke to him this morning again and he said he would help us out anytime which made my DP feel guilty. I want him gone. Apparently his wife has said she doesn’t want him back and has changed the locks and no one else will have him. One night was fine but I honestly think we should be saying he has to go where as DP said we should give him until after the weekend. What are other thoughts ?

OP posts:
Cardinalita90 · 02/01/2026 21:29

Could it be that he's feeling bruised/vulnerable and doesn't want to be alone in a hotel? Might be this causing him to outstay his welcome rather than being tight about paying.

Why doesn't your DH take him out for a quiet pint and ask what his plan for moving on is? Is it hotel, family or back home because unfortunately you don't have the space. Help him find a hotel for Sunday - not because the guy needs the practical help, but so he feels supported.

All these posters telling you to be harsh but you can be kind to a friend who is struggling whilst still enforcing boundaries.

Original poster
Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 22:15

He has agreed to go tomorrow. He said he was hoping to stay for the weekend but it is hard enough with the kids without having someone else around. Let’s hope he does

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 02/01/2026 22:28

Whether he leaves is up to you. Not him.
He has no negotiation rights.
Don't buckle if he chances it.

SunMoonandChocolate · 02/01/2026 22:45

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 22:15

He has agreed to go tomorrow. He said he was hoping to stay for the weekend but it is hard enough with the kids without having someone else around. Let’s hope he does

I can't believe that you actually wrote 'Let's hope he does' OP. It's not up to him, it's your house, and he's outstayed his welcome. How many times have we all read on here that a woman wants to kick her cheating husband out, but people tell her she can't as it's illegal? Just point this out to him, and tell him to go home and sort it out with his wife. If she won't let him in, then he needs to call the police. Obviously no one wants to do this, but in his case if he hasn't got anywhere else, and can't afford to rent a hotel or somewhere, then he has no choice. If he's still asleep when you get up in the morning, take him in a cuppa, wake him up, and say right Dave, you've got until 10.00am, do you need any help getting your stuff out to your car? Make it absolutely clear, that he HAS NO CHOICE!!

Betty1625 · 02/01/2026 22:47

SunMoonandChocolate · 02/01/2026 22:45

I can't believe that you actually wrote 'Let's hope he does' OP. It's not up to him, it's your house, and he's outstayed his welcome. How many times have we all read on here that a woman wants to kick her cheating husband out, but people tell her she can't as it's illegal? Just point this out to him, and tell him to go home and sort it out with his wife. If she won't let him in, then he needs to call the police. Obviously no one wants to do this, but in his case if he hasn't got anywhere else, and can't afford to rent a hotel or somewhere, then he has no choice. If he's still asleep when you get up in the morning, take him in a cuppa, wake him up, and say right Dave, you've got until 10.00am, do you need any help getting your stuff out to your car? Make it absolutely clear, that he HAS NO CHOICE!!

Show quote history

Couldn't agree more

10K · 02/01/2026 23:00

DH needs to tell him his time is up. He needs to pay for a hotel/ Airbnb or stay with relatives. This is not your problem.

Dietday · 02/01/2026 23:06

He clearly lied to get in the door.
I would be very pissed off at that, and my husband for not telling me about his previously imposing on someone for 2 months.

MySilentLions · 02/01/2026 23:37

I’m just here for the update tomorrow morning. Hoping the recorder playing does the trick.

OriginalUsername2 · 02/01/2026 23:52

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 22:15

He has agreed to go tomorrow. He said he was hoping to stay for the weekend but it is hard enough with the kids without having someone else around. Let’s hope he does

The absolute cheek of him

PinkPhonyClub · 03/01/2026 00:06

Take him at his word. Don’t keep the kids quiet tomorrow morning. At 8am I would be actively waking him with a cheery smile “hey Bob, lots on today so going to need you to pack up now”.

Sure let him use the bathroom and get a bit of toast but I would be pushing him out the door at 9am.

why? Well otherwise I bet you a quid that the day will drag on, he will be there sitting on his arse eating your food taking up your lounge claiming he is looking for a room and in the evening he will announce he hasn’t been able to find anywhere to stay and it will be tough for to throw him out into a cold night. Any complaints about oh I need to find a room before I go I would say “well I know they have got good WiFi in the library/Costa/Wetherspoons”. Bit bright smiles but firm resolve.

“could I not just stay tonight”
”that doesn’t work for us. Please don’t try to overstay your welcome, I don’t want this to damage our relationship”

Oh and worse case scenario is there a “Severe Weather Extreme Protocol” in place with your council? Mine has one on as very cold here and should enable anyone who would be sleeping rough to have an overnight accommodation.

LilyBunch25 · 03/01/2026 08:32

GoldenGail · 02/01/2026 20:24

You wold do that to your friend?

Show quote history

He was supposed to stay one night. Not move in.

SunnySideDeepDown · 03/01/2026 08:35

You also need to safeguard your children. Some random bloke on the sofa? No way.

RessicaJabbit · 03/01/2026 08:35

Just waiting for the update

LilyBunch25 · 03/01/2026 08:37

PinkPhonyClub · 03/01/2026 00:06

Take him at his word. Don’t keep the kids quiet tomorrow morning. At 8am I would be actively waking him with a cheery smile “hey Bob, lots on today so going to need you to pack up now”.

Sure let him use the bathroom and get a bit of toast but I would be pushing him out the door at 9am.

why? Well otherwise I bet you a quid that the day will drag on, he will be there sitting on his arse eating your food taking up your lounge claiming he is looking for a room and in the evening he will announce he hasn’t been able to find anywhere to stay and it will be tough for to throw him out into a cold night. Any complaints about oh I need to find a room before I go I would say “well I know they have got good WiFi in the library/Costa/Wetherspoons”. Bit bright smiles but firm resolve.

“could I not just stay tonight”
”that doesn’t work for us. Please don’t try to overstay your welcome, I don’t want this to damage our relationship”

Oh and worse case scenario is there a “Severe Weather Extreme Protocol” in place with your council? Mine has one on as very cold here and should enable anyone who would be sleeping rough to have an overnight accommodation.

Unlikely to apply as he isn't legally homeless. He has a home to go back to if he is on the mortgage or joint tenancy and there has been no DV.

Whoneedsanamesuggestion · 03/01/2026 08:43

LilyBunch25 · 03/01/2026 08:37

Unlikely to apply as he isn't legally homeless. He has a home to go back to if he is on the mortgage or joint tenancy and there has been no DV.

Show quote history

At least if he tried they could tell him he isn't legally homeless and to go back home.

This couple sound like they love drama in front of an audience, or at least he does.

Noshowlomo · 03/01/2026 08:48

Why was he kicked out? Can you ask the wife ?

HelpMeGetThrough · 03/01/2026 08:56

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 22:15

He has agreed to go tomorrow. He said he was hoping to stay for the weekend but it is hard enough with the kids without having someone else around. Let’s hope he does

Your DP needs to grow a set. Agreed to go, cheeky prick.

He’d be told you are going tomorrow, one way or the other.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 03/01/2026 09:09

Don't Hope.

Hope isnt a strategy.

Prompt him to get packing up his things now between 9 and 10 and shuffle him out the door before midday. Put his things by the door / offer to load it into his car...

And do not feed the fucker lunch!!!!!

jeaux90 · 03/01/2026 09:29

If they are married she can’t just change the locks.

Favouritepigeon · 03/01/2026 09:31

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 03/01/2026 09:09

Don't Hope.

Hope isnt a strategy.

Prompt him to get packing up his things now between 9 and 10 and shuffle him out the door before midday. Put his things by the door / offer to load it into his car...

And do not feed the fucker lunch!!!!!

Hope isnt a strategy.

This. Why are people on here so passive?

HeadyLamarr · 03/01/2026 09:39

Good morning @Aprilmaymum . About time the CF was up and dressed.

I'd be taking the children into the living room, popping the telly on to CBeebies and asking Sleeping Beauty if he wants some toast before he leaves.

Nevereatcardboard · 03/01/2026 10:59

@Aprilmaymum Has he left yet?

Shinyandnew1 · 03/01/2026 11:46

Hope isnt a strategy.

This! It's your house, ffs.

Original poster
Aprilmaymum · 03/01/2026 12:21

sorry for late response. He is still here. Trying to sort somewhere to go . He works close by ao wants close by. I did say go back home as she can’t kick you out but he said the atmosphere wouldn’t be fair on the kids.

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/01/2026 12:24

He is still here. Trying to sort somewhere to go

Of course he is, and that's where he'll remain until you get a lot more assertive about this

Your choice ...