Friend being unreasonable .?

[Aprilmaymum]

Happy new year everyone.
Friend of DP arrived at our house on New year eve saying his wife and him having problems and can he stay the one night. We agreed to one night only as to be honest we don’t have the space. New year day he was still here and still here now. DP explained that with three young children we cannot accommodate him . He is sleeping on our sofa and doesn’t get up on the morning so we are walking around him. DP spoke to him this morning again and he said he would help us out anytime which made my DP feel guilty. I want him gone. Apparently his wife has said she doesn’t want him back and has changed the locks and no one else will have him. One night was fine but I honestly think we should be saying he has to go where as DP said we should give him until after the weekend. What are other thoughts ?

Id set him a time limit, a short one.
Also why has she changed the locks? Is he violent?

Cheeky fucker. I agree with other posters. Send him this, OP …

https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&ai=DChsSEwim_pHKwu2RAxUujVAGHbYBM_4YACICCAEQABoCZGc&co=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiA9t3KBhCQARIsAJOcR7wqrRJtKTwiNO5J4pK-tWTGAtUAjqAS_PLQXmkxEedb3VL3Hk9bdnAaAs7MEALw_wcB&cce=1&sig=AOD64_2Jb4qggr3xfCzxFrOsJ8BFdZ3LSA&q&adurl&ved=2ahUKEwiJ3onKwu2RAxUfT0EAHWiMMR8Q0Qx6BAgNEAE (Link to Premier Inn)

Does he drive?

OP is not being harsh. They simply don't have space and you cannot have someone camped out in your living room.

what can he sort on Monday that he can't sort now? 🤔

I genuinely don't understand this. Friend turns up uninvited to stay. Gets asked to leave. Says no. And just stays. It's bonkers.

That’s wot I said to DP

This is very unreasonable. I can quite understand why he might be in a delicate place and resistant to leaving, so whilst yes he's a grown adult I do think itd be helpful to discuss what he's going to do.

If he owns the house he can go back whether his wife wants him or not. He can break in if needed. He can go to other friends or family. He can book a B&B or hotel for a few nights. He can start renting a room in a house of multiple occupancy pretty quickly.

If you think anything will change in Monday I'd give him til then but it diesnt sound like it so you tell him he is leaving 9am tomorrow.

Legally, if their house is his home, even if he doesn't part-own it, his wife can't deny him access.

I’d let him stay one more night, but tell him that you expect him to be up and the sofa straightened by 8am.

He needs to be out by lunch time tomorrow. Why has his wife thrown him out? Was he violent/abusive?

If no abuse, He needs to get a locksmith to the marital home and move back in.

This.

DP might feel the need to be polite but I wouldn’t! I’d make it very clear I’d said one night and I meant it. He’s taking the piss.

Nope. No way.
Bag packed for him and off he goes.

He's a grown man, he should not be making three young children change their habits in their own home.

Surely he would be more comfortable in a hotel?

Would I fuck have my kids tiptoeing around a sleeping lump of a man on their sofa. Yuck. Your husband needs to grow a backbone and tell him it’s time to leave.

You’ve helped out your friends but your children and their comfort in their home are far more important

What is he doing during the day and evening, is he just there or is he doing anything?

Perhaps consider he can stay until Monday at the latest?
Having to tiptoe around someone in your own home is not acceptable and you have your family to look after.
I helped out someone in the past and he wasn't in a hurry to leave.
Ended up with a full scale argument when tensions exploded.

Absolutely this. I would make it VERY uncomfortable for him.
Lights on and off the sofa by whatever time the kids are up. Even if that’s 6am.
Id also refuse to cook for him and ask him to sit in another room at meal times to allow you family time.
I would carry on normal family life as if he wasn’t there, probably with a bit of encouragement to the kids to scream and shriek as much as possible

He spends most of his time on the phone to his wife . He is desperate to get back with her. Doubt there is violence between them but who knows. He says she wants to be by herself to find herself.
DP has said he can stay tonight but has to leave tomorrow.

Who owns the house they live in?

What did he say when your husband told him he had to go tomorrow?

This is his DW’s problem - not yours. Legally she can’t just kick him out of his home. She’d need a court order for that. While she “wants space” you’ve lost your space!
A lot of people live together while separating, often not ideal, but equally it’s not for you to facilitate her space at the expense of yours. You’ve said you don’t think there’s been DV so she’ll just have to put up with him until they’ve formalised everything.
He’s got rights and he needs to exercise them and go back as she’s out of options. If she won’t let him in 101 may well help but otherwise he can use a locksmith to gain entry if he can prove he’s an owner/tenant.

I think the compromise here would be that you say fine, stay until Monday, but you have to stop taking up space. So we're all up at 6am, youll need to get up and off the couch and moving before then. You say you want to help? great, thanks, that means getting off the couch, tidying up etc and popping down to the shops for us.

Of course, he won't do that. it sounds like he's happy to just lurk.

Good luck getting him out on monday.

Tell him he has to leave after breakfast tomorrow morning and show him the door immediately after you all finish eating. You told him one night which was very kind of you and he’s now outstayed his welcome. If he says he needs longer to sort something out, it may well be up to you to have to say no, I need you to leave right now. Don’t let him or DP manipulate you into agreeing to just one more night etc. I’m not surprised his wife wants to be rid of him, as he sounds like a waste of space.

I fucking tip him off that sofa👿

Brilliant final suggestion.

He has other friends but they all said no

You might want to think about why that is, OP, and if they've all learned from his extended stay at the previous place

Personally I'd ask exactly what it is he's planning for Monday, and unless there's a really good answer he'd be out tomorrow - for example by checking what cheap local places have vacancies then driving him to one and leaving him there