Friend being unreasonable .?

[Aprilmaymum]

Happy new year everyone.
Friend of DP arrived at our house on New year eve saying his wife and him having problems and can he stay the one night. We agreed to one night only as to be honest we don’t have the space. New year day he was still here and still here now. DP explained that with three young children we cannot accommodate him . He is sleeping on our sofa and doesn’t get up on the morning so we are walking around him. DP spoke to him this morning again and he said he would help us out anytime which made my DP feel guilty. I want him gone. Apparently his wife has said she doesn’t want him back and has changed the locks and no one else will have him. One night was fine but I honestly think we should be saying he has to go where as DP said we should give him until after the weekend. What are other thoughts ?

He can sort something out sitting with a coffee in Costa.
He doesn't need to be in your home to find somewhere to stay.
You're allowing him to call the shots. Get angry and tell him he's got 15 minutes to gather his things.

What about you and your family?
Don't ask him to go, you won't get anywhere trying to be polite with a parasite, you have to forcefully eject them.
Stop being so flipping soft, please!

Tell him it’s not fair on your kids, they want their living room back.

He might want to stay near to work but it’s perfectly reasonable for him to have to live somewhere within a 10 or 20 mile radius on a temporary basis. His excuse about a bad atmosphere for his kids in the former marital home isn’t your problem to deal with. Tell him to leave after lunch.

The atmosphere isn't fair on your kids either. Put your kids first and insist that he leaves immediately.

Agreed. There will always be an excuse - no where close enough, too expensive, only has a shared bathroom/living with strangers - none of this is your problem and you need to tell him to go. Surely you want your house back and not have DH friend loitering around.

I understand why you want him gone, but that's an awful thing to suggest he do to her and their kids. Imagine being in her shoes, and knowing other people encouraged him to go back. I hope you're not friends with her too.
You don't have to house him, or know why he's in this position, but don't tell him to force his way back into the family home just because you've read about his rights on MN. If he can't find somewhere else to stay, tell him to go to the Council on Monday and declare himself homeless, while making it clear he can't stay at yours.

If it's his house too surely he can't just be kicked out and the locks changed?

Then it’s on him to make sure that, for his part, he is civil and polite to his STBX wife so that his kids aren’t affected by an atmosphere. Better than being homeless, I should have thought.

How generous of you to put the feelings of his children above those of your own children...

This.

Find your backbone, @Aprilmaymum - "I appreciate it can be hard sorting something out, but that's not my problem not the kids. Take yourself to a coffee shop and sort your accommodation from there. It feels like you're taking the piss staying here today."

Exactly, it’s him and his wife’s problem to fix. They can be adults and play nice while the children are around.

I’ve had some dark times in my past relationship but I never had the audacity to think taking up a friend’s living room was an option.

Doesn't want to inconvenience his kids in his house, so you let him inconvenience your kids in your house.

This is ridiculous,
Your DH needs to grow a set and tell him straight, can't believe you've both allowed this to continue!

Of course his wife can do that, whether or not it's legal is a different matter. She wants him gone so he needs to stay away. No one should be encouraging him to go back. At best it will exacerbate the situation, at worst it may put his family in danger.
OP needs him out of her house, and rightly so, but that should not be at the expense of his families safety and wellbeing.

Just to say I know I'm projecting here a little as this happened to me. It takes a lot to get out of a difficult relationship so when others effectively deliver them back to your door again it is horrendous.

It’s not the OP’s problem. None of this is.

The fact is you cannot just kick someone out of the family home. The protections are there for a reason. Separate by all means but you need to be realistic about it.

His wife can’t lock him out of his own house. He needs to go.

OMG - the atmosphere isn’t fair on your kids! Such a cheeky fucker. Get him out today!

I was originally responding to the OP's post at 12.21 in which she said 'I did say to go back home as she can't kick you out'. Why not say go to other family, another friends place, a hotel, Airbnb etc?
I agree it's not OP's problem, but actively encouraging him to go back is just wrong. It doesn't take much imagination to see that he is a big problem to his wife and kids, as well as others now.

I’d be saying whatever the fuck it took to get him out of my house. The rest of it is between them.

Him camping out on your sofa after lying about being one nights stay isn't fair on you or your kids. Who is this fucking fucker?! Stop relying on your DH to get him out and start packing his shite up and putting it on the front step, he can find a place from his car.

Hotel. Air BnB.

Don't tiproe around, don't feed him, he gets nothing.

He's your fish that has gone bad after overstaying.

Your home is not his. He's out. Pack any of his shit and put it out front.

This is going to drag on and on, isn't it?

His wife doesn't want him in the house. No other friends want him in their homes. YOU don't want him in yours. Could it be that this CF has burnt all his bridges over the years, and you're just being a soft touch?

If you don't get him out today, I can guarantee he "won't be able to find anywhere" (having made little to no effort to secure accommodation of any kind) and he'll be on your sofa for another night.

He's going to be there for months if you're not careful.