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Original poster

Friend being unreasonable .?

161 replies

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 18:33

Happy new year everyone.
Friend of DP arrived at our house on New year eve saying his wife and him having problems and can he stay the one night. We agreed to one night only as to be honest we don’t have the space. New year day he was still here and still here now. DP explained that with three young children we cannot accommodate him . He is sleeping on our sofa and doesn’t get up on the morning so we are walking around him. DP spoke to him this morning again and he said he would help us out anytime which made my DP feel guilty. I want him gone. Apparently his wife has said she doesn’t want him back and has changed the locks and no one else will have him. One night was fine but I honestly think we should be saying he has to go where as DP said we should give him until after the weekend. What are other thoughts ?

OP posts:
BillieWiper · 02/01/2026 19:17

He needs to sleep in a hotel or go to family or another friend with more space, less kids.
Tell him tonight he needs to go.

If DP is too weedy to stand up to him then you just have to kick him out and be 'the bad guy'? Actually you've been more than accommodating.

grinchmcgrinchface · 02/01/2026 19:18

Can’t he stay in a cheap hotel? I would be asking him what his plans are & if he can book a hotel you can get them as cheap as £40 a night!

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 02/01/2026 19:18

Take my advice on this...

Stop relying on your dh you deal with this.

The ship has sailed for tonight....

Go in now yourself now and tell him directly you are a nice person so he can stay tonight ... but ONLY tonight.

And its conditional on him agreeing to be awake and have his things tidied by 8am latest so the living room is usable. He has been and late and hogging the room and its not on.

You'll give him breakfast because you are a decent person but he is to be gone by 10am

CautiousLurker2 · 02/01/2026 19:21

His refusal to get up and fit in with your family may be indicative of why his wife has kicked him out.

Middlemarch123 · 02/01/2026 19:21

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 02/01/2026 19:18

Take my advice on this...

Stop relying on your dh you deal with this.

The ship has sailed for tonight....

Go in now yourself now and tell him directly you are a nice person so he can stay tonight ... but ONLY tonight.

And its conditional on him agreeing to be awake and have his things tidied by 8am latest so the living room is usable. He has been and late and hogging the room and its not on.

You'll give him breakfast because you are a decent person but he is to be gone by 10am

This.
set boundaries.
other friends have said no,red flag.
he’s done this before, another huge flag.
He’s not your problem, he goes tomorrow morning. End of.

carly2803 · 02/01/2026 19:26

he will get to monday then "cant go"

he needs to leave asap - if hes married hes entitled to go back home in his house technically!!!
get him gone else you will find him at yours for 2 months

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 02/01/2026 19:27

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 19:01

He spends most of his time on the phone to his wife . He is desperate to get back with her. Doubt there is violence between them but who knows. He says she wants to be by herself to find herself.
DP has said he can stay tonight but has to leave tomorrow.

He's not going anywhere tomorrow

Justmuddlingalong · 02/01/2026 19:33

Tell him you agreed when he asked to stay for 1 night.
Tell him you'd never have agreed if you knew he'd still be there.
Tell him tonight is absolutely and completely the last night.
Tell him to leave first thing in the morning.
Tell him after the debacle of the last few days, he will never be offered a bed for the night again.
You tell him, not DP.

Liftedmeup · 02/01/2026 19:37

LilyBunch25 · 02/01/2026 18:50

OP is not being harsh. They simply don't have space and you cannot have someone camped out in your living room.

Show quote history

I did, when a friend of mine left her husband. She and her two small children lived in my living room for a month until she got herself sorted.

Givemelemonsforlemonade · 02/01/2026 19:40

Liftedmeup · 02/01/2026 19:37

I did, when a friend of mine left her husband. She and her two small children lived in my living room for a month until she got herself sorted.

Show quote history

Me too it took my friend a whole to sort everything out she stayed in my living room with her daughter for 3 months.

Therealjudgejudy · 02/01/2026 19:41

Absolutely put your foot down op. He leaves tomorrow morning, no excuses.

He is totally taking the piss out of your family

Aplstrudl · 02/01/2026 19:50

Have you got kids - can you say that you need him gone so they can prepare for school?

Pineapplewaves · 02/01/2026 19:51

He can stay in a hotel, B&B, a holiday let, get a room in a shared house, there are many options open to him, he does not need to stay at yours any longer. I hope you haven’t given him a key so he can get back in once he leaves for work on Monday……..

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/01/2026 20:02

"He is sleeping on our sofa and doesn’t get up on the morning so we are walking around him."
Unacceptable. You're doing him a favour, he's behaving entitled.

I agree with everyone else who has said to take this out of your husband's hands. His friend is using their friendship to manipulate your husband into agreeing to 'just one more night' - and another, and another. As techniques go, it's effective (as you have observed).

So - stand your husband down and take over the reins.

Have the conversation - and when I say 'conversation' I mean you tell him what's going to happen - where you tell him you agreed to one night and on night only, and that him staying tonight means he is definitely leaving in the morning and not coming back ever. Give him a time - I'd probably go for 10am, certainly a morning departure. Make it clear this is not a negotiation, this is what is going to happen. And then stand over him from 9am onwards tomorrow, ensuring he packs up all his shit and leaves by 10am.

He's able to manipulate your husband through friendship, he can't manipulate you. So take over, and get him out.

Geeseinarowhonk · 02/01/2026 20:18

The absolute brass neck of this fucker! By Monday, I guarantee something else would have come up and he'll be asking for 'just a few more days'

I'd love to know his wife's version of events. Finding herself, aye? She probably found stuff on his phone and it was the last straw.

I'd be hoovering the living room at 6am, followed by noisy kids TV, followed by noisy kids.

binkie163 · 02/01/2026 20:19

I just don't understand why people put themselves in these situations. Let it be a lesson for you and your husband in the future.
You have children, it is not suitable for them having some strange bloke dossing on your sofa. Your husband's responsibility is to you and your children, not random friends.
While you enable his lazy arse to doss at yours he is not dealing with his situation. Shove his bits in a bin liner now ready for leaving tomorrow. It's your home not a bloody YMCA.

GoldenGail · 02/01/2026 20:24

PInkyStarfish · 02/01/2026 18:39

Pick up his stuff and put it outside. If he doesn’t leave, call the police.

You wold do that to your friend?

lessglittermoremud · 02/01/2026 20:29

If he’s named in the tenancy/mortgage his wife can’t just kick him out and change the locks.
I would give him until Monday to arrange somewhere else, if he has rights to stay within his own property I’d be telling him to go home tomorrow.

YourWildAmberSloth · 02/01/2026 20:33

Aprilmaymum · 02/01/2026 18:44

No quite rural.

Show quote history

Then he can travel. He's a grown-ass man with a wife, kids and a job - surely he's capable of booking a cheap hotel / airBB, even if it means that he has a longer commute than normal. Why are you all infantilising him?

Whowhenwhat · 02/01/2026 20:42

MummyChocolateMonster · 02/01/2026 19:08

This is his DW’s problem - not yours. Legally she can’t just kick him out of his home. She’d need a court order for that. While she “wants space” you’ve lost your space!
A lot of people live together while separating, often not ideal, but equally it’s not for you to facilitate her space at the expense of yours. You’ve said you don’t think there’s been DV so she’ll just have to put up with him until they’ve formalised everything.
He’s got rights and he needs to exercise them and go back as she’s out of options. If she won’t let him in 101 may well help but otherwise he can use a locksmith to gain entry if he can prove he’s an owner/tenant.

This is sound advice. This isn't your problem. Your dh needs to be firmer with him

OriginalUsername2 · 02/01/2026 20:53

MrsMoastyToasty · 02/01/2026 18:46

Ask him to leave.
If he refuses call the police.
Make life uncomfortable for him. Use your hoover,put the TV when you get up, have a "slanging match" with your DH at the top of your voices, give your dc recorders to learn to play.

Recorders! 😂I love that! 👏

MrsChristmasHasResigned · 02/01/2026 20:54

If you are too rural for hotels, check out farms who have cottages for farm stays. This time of year, a lot of have empty spaces and you can get some good deals- my sister stayed in one for a month when over visiting from abroad and it was lovely.

Confusion33 · 02/01/2026 21:00

Definitely wouldn't be tip toeing around him
My kids would be encouraged to get out the karoke machine and have fun.
Though mine are up from 6am and loud so no one would really want to stay past one night

Shinyandnew1 · 02/01/2026 21:02

He is sleeping on our sofa and doesn’t get up on the morning so we are walking around him.

I would be in there as soon as the kids wake up, curtains open, telly on and kids in asking to sit on the sofa.

whynotwhatknot · 02/01/2026 21:24

tell him she cant legally lock him out if she refuses he shoujld call the police