My cousin “loves her DD more than a normal mother”

[Sally20099]

This sounds petty, and it probably is, but I’m getting rather fed up of my cousin constantly telling me I wouldn’t understand how much love she has for her DD because she is “special” (ie she needed IVF to conceive and waited many years for this to materialise). It’s now been over a year and my cousin still goes on about this, and in all seriousness regularly announces or implies that those who conceive naturally can not love their own children as much because her struggle was so immense (and btw I’m not suggesting it wasn’t anything other than heartbreaking). AIBU if I say something and end this nonsense or should I just put up with it?

Why is it ok for the cousin in the OP to tell someone she loves her children more than they love theirs?

Perhaps you could gently explain that some parents might take offence to her trying to undermine or minimise the love they have for their children and that all parents feel that way but they keep it to themselves

Sorry for your losses @FuzzyWolf

All mine have to do is make me a good cup of coffee…..

Yes it was a really dismissive comment. I’ve also been private about my ‘journey’ as that’s also my preference but I know for others it helps them to talk about it or some want to remove the stigma etc. Great for them, not for me.
It’s unfair to dismiss that as attention seeking/ enjoying the drama just because they’re managing it differently to you. Some people find ivf hard and if they find it easier to manage through being open about it then they should do just that. Why suffer in silence?

Oh I have lesbian neighbours who had their son via IVF and sperm donation. Our little boy was born 3 weeks before thiers, but apparently their little boy was more wanted, because (thankfully ) me and my husband fall pregnant quickly and therefore, my son was less wanted 🤷🏻‍♀️

i understand fertility struggles, IVF etc add a whole new layer of stress and hope - but this doesn’t make my naturally conceived baby, loved or wanted any less.

Weird in what way? I agree her post was perfectly clear and I disagreed with it.

I haven’t said that it was acceptable for the cousin to say that to the op. In fact, I didn’t mention them at all.

My comment referred to Grammarninja being dismissive about other people’s experience of ivf because it was different to her own.

I said 'some' people. Not everyone, just some.

Gosh, just got tears in my eyes as your post, it reminded me of the shear relief when my rainbow was born. Until I hear her first cry I thought something would happen to take her away. I just didn’t believe we would bring a baby home.

That's as maybe, but it is downright rude to go around telling other people that they can't possibly love their children as much as you love yours, and even more rude to keep banging on ad infinitum about how much more special your child is compared with theirs.

You might very well think it, but some things are far better left unsaid.

What's that? Not everyone gets the reference.

What a twat she is. Can you distance yourself?

Everyone experiences things differently. This was obviously a really big deal for her. It won't hurt or disadvantage you to agree and support her. There may come a time when you feel something deeply, and will will welcome their kind words and support in return.

Agree with her that her child is more special and more beloved, and support her in such delusions?

How Bout fuck that.

It was weird to focus on that rather than the OP and indicated you did not get what @Grammarninja was responding to or saying.

Each of us can only know how we feel, not how anyone else feels.

I think if I had a friend who was intent on telling me how much more she loved her child than I loved mine, I’d probably think that perhaps she might be struggling with depression, or feelings of being unfulfilled by motherhood (perfectly valid feeling), and the gushiness was her way of trying to mask a sense of shame over having those feelings.

I’d already responded to the OP directly.

I understood Grammarninja just fine. I focused on the part of her post that was dismissive and unkind, because I couldn’t scroll past a post like that without saying something. Agreeing with/ supporting the OP doesn’t justify belittling other people’s IVF experiences. She could’ve got her point across without resorting to nastiness.

Oh god! 😆

Haven't RTFT, but I don't need to in order to know that no one has ever loved their baby as much as I love my Care Bear. 😆

I read a great phrase once, aimed at putting weddings and births into perspective:

"The wedding is not the marriage, and the childbirth is not the family."

I feel as if that phrase should be better known, for all our sakes!

Oh, that is TERRIBLE. I am so, so sorry. ☹️💐💐💐

And vice versa.

Ugh, I also had Competitive Cousin. Competitive over our weddings, and although she didn't get the chance to be competitive over kids since I ended up not having them, I know she would have been. She turned out to be the sort who was very competitive about pain relief in labour and about breastfeeding, being really performative about it all. She was a much, much better mother than those who had pain relief and those who bottle-fed, you see. 🤮 I was planning to boast to her about how I rawdogged a C-section! 🤣🤣🤣

My late parents had friends whose only child was "their little miracle." Said miracle was indulged by her parents, as her dad admitted, and is now 40. Treats her parents like absolute shit and has done for years.

Some parents get over it, some don't, and those who don't are making a rod for their own backs.

How awful for you. ☹️ I'm sorry 💐💐💐