To be jealous of teacher friend?

[Notheretoday]

Name changed because I know some parents of children I teach are MNetters!

I'm a secondary school teacher. Have been for fifteen years. I love teaching, but the workload is stressing me to the point of feeling physically sick to return to work on Monday.

I'm in a large comprehensive school and have had classes as large at 34 and the stress of marking is taking its toll on me.

Over the past few years I've noticed a dramatic decline in behaviour at my school, as well as an increased animosity, even aggression, from parents. Too often I see excellent teachers crying in the staffroom because of malicious and unfounded accusations made by parents against kind, talented and hard-working people.

AIBU to feel very jealous of my ex-colleague who jumped ship a few years ago from my school and now works at a private boarding school?

She's a lot less stressed and more calm than she was when we worked together and said that she can really focus on teaching rather than behaviour management now. I'm so jealous of this.

I can't remember all the details, but she has:
very small classes
lengthy holidays (four weeks at Christmas, July and Aug off!).
doesn't have to work on Saturdays or after school. All meetings, including parents' meetings, are within the school day
lighter timetable
private health care
free financial advice
so many expensive resources at her fingertips, to use for planning and in lessons
free use of the facilities, including swimming pool and posh gym
better pay and pension
lovely work environment, with lots of perks like free food and tickets to events in the town
crucially - no behaviour issues whatsoever. It's a highly selective school, so all of the kids are very able and determined to do well. I thought they'd be really entitled, but she said they're all very respectful

I've never liked the idea of private education. I went to a state school and my DC are state-educated, but I'm feeling that life is too short to face another twenty years or so of my situation, rather than looking over the fence at working in selective independent schools. I'm so sick of dreading ever day.

AIBU to be jealous, or should I be glad to educate those who don't have the benefit of wealth?

I am not a teacher, but work in a large Comprehensive. My job used to be really enjoyable, now parents often make it miserable . But I have started to answer back to parents now. If they want to come and work with me for a day, they might be more understanding. No wonder some of the pupils are so entitled.
I do have to say that we also have many wonderful parents and pupils

YABU because it's your choice to stay in the profession and stay in the state sector. (I am a teacher fyi.) The job is not sustainable anymore. You'll get even more entitled parents / kids in private schools.

Dd is working at a private school.

Her pay is lower than state as she chose to be in TPS. If you choose not to be, pay is higher.
It is a part boarding school. Her day is longer, she works 3 Saturdays in 4... the many weeks extra holidays help that.
She does one evening boarding duty a week (6-10pm- usually does marking/lesson prep) for 3k extra a year.
She has free meals when on the premises, 2 decent breaks a day plus over 1hr at lunch. Free gym, swimming pool, free sports kit, suit allowance, private GP service and bicycle allowance. She can also take 2 personal days per term. Handy for appointments.

The classes are smaller, there are more children with SEND. Behaviour is generally good as if it falls substandard, the parents are called in, and ultimately the child will be asked to leave.

She's enjoying it for now, but says that the hours might get a bit of a drag when older, or if she wants a family.

I think so much is down to the leadership team in any school. Lots of the problems I see on teaching threads seem to stem from dissatisfaction with the SLT.
DS is a HOD in a large secondary school. He loves his job but has mentioned that if the current Head were to leave he might consider moving depending on the replacement because of the high standards of the current Head.

Private schools do generally get better exam results, simply because results reflect the demographics of the pupils

My brother didn't magically become a better teacher when he moved from state to private

Agreed. I know several teachers in private schools. One can't wait to leave. Another has just undergone a brutal internal restructuring process. I won't say what happened to a third one last year - I'll just say that it was very distressing.

This old claptrap always makes me laugh and realise that the person saying it has no experience whatsoever of independent schools at all.

This is one person's experience in one private school. It is very different to the experience of someone I know working in the same sector where their pay is significantly higher and they have no weekend or evening duties.

Definitely move. You need to be happy and healthy. You’re family need you happy and healthy.

It's all relative. If you're burnt out and getting verbally abused then a private school position might be better whereas if you are still working in a decent state run school then the pressures of a private school might be too much for you.
Everyone gets to choose the best position and work pressures for them whether private or state run. It's a job just like any other job, you are entitled to look for another one and don't owe any verbally abusive and threatening parents anything.
Yes other children and families lose out on experienced teachers but it isn't worth your health and long term stress is seriously detrimental.

You can manage well in the state system if you have good management who support you. It’s only taken me 4 schools and 25 years to find a head Teacher I like.

My secondary is in one of the poorest areas and London and wry challenging.
Im so sorry you’re having a bad time. I really hope you can get into a job or school where you are happy and supported.

What annoys me the most about schools is heads just won't back their employees. Or if they do they do it half heartedly because part of them thinks the parent may have a point. If you get shitty parents turning up the way they did for your friend then all heads do is try to appease them. The default stance is to try to figure out what the teacher did wrong first instead of assuming that this is just a dickhead parent acting like they have an ASBO who should be thrown out without even being listened to.

Heads are too scared of a complaint to Ofsted to back up their staff with anything. How refreshing would it be for a head to tell a parent like that to get off the premises immediately, that they're out of order, and that their behaviour is putting their own child's place at the school at risk, and that any child would be lucky to be taught by that member of staff. In short, to tell them straight away "if you don't like the way we do things here, you're welcome to move your child to another school."

But they don't. You wouldn't get that happening in an independent school if it was highly selective, because there'd always be someone else who'd take the place.

😢

Ok. I teach in independent after years in state.
behaviour is better but not perfect.
they get their pound of flesh - marketing events every five mins for year five, entrance day testing on a Saturday, more marketing on Saturdays.
you have to do two duties and run an extra curricular club
you are expected to be at the beck and call of students
kids are lovely - parents less so. Very demanding. Often unreasonable about expectations - my child will get 9s when they are struggling to get 4s. I sent you an email at 10 pm on Sunday, why have you not replied (its 9 am on Monday).
s9me really crap parenting happens. I have just as many safeguarding cases as I did have.
level of complex send is rising and often no TA and obviously no LA money. Parents have to pay privately for diagnosis and therapy and sometimes you get a pupil that really needs it but parents will not accept need or just can’t afford to after the school fees.
trips, etc, in own holidays.

holidays in boarding schools are longer but counter balance that with regular duty until 10 pm or Saturday work.
pension - ok but not as good as TPS.
loads of private schools are being run on a she string. They can close at any minute. One school local to us gave staff, parents, kids three weeks notice! Protection is far lower.
the marking is way more than state and the amount of communication to home is far more too.

it is good in many ways and all schools differ. Your friend’s gaff sounds like a good place but there will be downsides.

Think about the pupils who don't have bad behaviour, do their homework and are generally well behaved. There must be some. You are doing a wonderful job, teachers have my respect and admiration. My grandson is a new year 7, at state school, he loves his school and teachers.They have inspired him and he's in top sets for everything. At primary he didn't want to work and languished at the bottom of the class. You have been helping such children as this over the years, whose parents don't have the money for private education. You should be very proud of the job you do. I'm sorry you're finding it difficult, is there any way to make your job a bit easier without actually leaving and somehow finding some job satisfaction. The grass isn't always greener.

I burned out of secondary school teaching (difficult schools in SE london) after ten years. Pure stress and chaos leading to a nervous breakdown and I could not return. Looking back, I had an inklings of interest in VSO and I believe if I had taken a placement, it might have saved my career. Have you considered looking around at private positions ?

Your friend definitely isn't giving you the whole picture. I find your post quite goady, actually, and hugely undermining of the hard work of teachers in the private sector.

I work in a private school and to outsiders it looks like an incredibly cushy deal. I am paid considerably more than the state sector and I have a lot less timetabled teaching than I would in state. My classes are also much smaller.

However.

We have a huge number of SEND students. In some year groups, 50% of students have SEND. The differentiation and support required to get these kids through their exams is way more than anything I had to do in state.

We are expected to go above and beyond to satisfy the parents, who it has been made abundantly clear to us are our customers. The Headteacher will always prioritise the parents over the staff and will throw us under the bus if necessary to appease a parent - because we need their money. The VAT hike means that we're all scrabbling to fill places right now and only the very old schools with huge endowments are immune from the financial pressures. We are constantly being told our jobs are under threat and we cannot afford to turn children away. This is also why we have so many SEN students.

Our parents pay a colossal amount and they really do expect their money's worth. If a parent emails at 10pm, I am expected to reply. If they email me on Saturday morning, likewise. The same goes for the students. If they email needing help with homework during the evening, the expectation is we will be available. I can't ever switch off.

I work every evening and every weekend despite my lighter teaching workload, because I also have to do a lot of extracurricular activities that take up my free time after school, and every free period is usually taken up with giving students 1-1 support. We are expected to provide a huge amount of 'extras' - clubs, competitions, trips and other enrichment activities - all of which I enjoy doing, but I probably spend about 6-8 hours a week on this stuff alone. I never leave school before 6pm. I then need to go home and do any marking and prep for the next day. So my workload is really not hugely different to state.

I would also say that with students of wealthy parents, you will be surprised how many safeguarding referrals you will need to make and how much emotional support students need. Many of them are very neglected by people who have had children merely as an accessory to their lives and largely find them an inconvenience. I worked in state before moving to private and I made more safeguarding referrals in my first term in private than I had in a whole three year period while working in my previous state school.

It is a calmer environment, behaviour is better, and I do get a lot of autonomy in what I teach. I am also paid much better. However, there are numerous other pressures that you don't get in state. Teaching is still teaching, kids are still kids, and parents are still parents, wherever you go. It's swings and roundabouts.

I would suggest if you think private school pupils are spoiled entitled brats who don't deserve you as a teacher, then you might want to stay put.

Perhaps I can help with the ethical dilemma.
You are not buying into a system that you don't agree with, rather you are offering the benefit of your skills, wisdom and experience to children who really have as little say in their schooling as the kids who go to state school.
This is why you went into teaching in the first place-to make a difference to young people. There is no politics in that. You do the job for the children, not the parents. If you don't do it, somebody else will, and that somebody else may have less experience than yourself.
Have faith in your skills, shop around for jobs. Many independents will allow prospective teachers to visit with a view to seeking work there.
My advice is just do this-write to all the indies within striking distance, tell them you've heard great things about them (!) and any replies you get from HR will lead your next move.

I think you need to be pro active in improving your lot, and the beauty of approaching independent schools is you don't have to wait fir a vacancy to let them know you are there
Don't fester in a shit workplace , you are worth more than that.

If you are able to, you should leave a job that has got you to this point and I wish you well.

However, I don't think I'd want a teacher with your attitude teaching my children if I'd managed to send them to a private school.

You seem to think you can look over the fence and envy a better run system while simultaneously sneering down at it as though you're better than and above it (despite wanting to be part of it).

Parents who have the means (some just barely) want to extract their children from an education system with - as you yourself point it - dramatically declining behaviour where pupils regularly tell their teachers to "fuck off", precisely as you want to extract yourself. This should not be difficult to understand, nor blameworthy.

I do wonder whether you'd actually manage to keep a lid on your contempt for private school teachers, your cheering for VAT on school fees (which would be unlawful were we still members if the EU, interestingly) or your general feelings underlying both well enough to actually secure and retain a position at one of these schools. Something to ponder before handing in your notice!

Think about the pupils who don't have bad behaviour, do their homework and are generally well behaved. There must be some. You are doing a wonderful job, teachers have my respect and admiration. My grandson is a new year 7, at state school, he loves his school and teachers.They have inspired him and he's in top sets for everything. At primary he didn't want to work and languished at the bottom of the class. You have been helping such children as this over the years, whose parents don't have the money for private education. You should be very proud of the job you do. I'm sorry you're finding it difficult, is there any way to make your job a bit easier without actually leaving and somehow finding some job satisfaction. The grass isn't always greener you will be so missed by the school and pupils if you leave. Obviously if it's making you ill then you do have to look after yourself. But don't rush out of the frying pan into the fire

YANBU but this is one of the arguments against private schools: they can offer teachers a better package and therefore cherry pick staff (and kids/parents) out of the state system. The people who argue they are helping the state system by privately educating their kids and saving the state money don’t seem to grasp this.

That's the point surely. What op describes is her personal experience of one state school, which is not the experience of others. Not all state schools are the same, just like not all private schools are the same. If op is not happy she should move. But she would be mistaken to believe all is perfect in the private sector.

I also teach in a secondary school and totally get how you feel. Only you can decide what is best for you but my advice is:

1.Parents should not be allowed to turn up at school drunk and threaten staff. Most schools have a policy on this - if your school allows this - then get out!

2.Being told to "F* Off on a regular basis" is not normal. My school (state school) would sanction this severely! If your school allows this - then get out!

3.If you like your school and want to stay then you need to protect yourself a bit. Do not work all weekend or late into the night. Do what is reasonable. Focus on your teaching and learn to say 'no' to all the extras. Don't be a martyr as no one is going to worry if you go under with stress and exhaustion.

Good luck with your decision and take care. And 'Yes' agree with other posters - it is not all a bed of roses in the independent sector.

Parents who can afford it buy into the privilege of public school education for their children if they so wish because they know it will mainly as you describe. If your current post bothers you then simply move jobs.

The state system is no longer fit for purpose. If I had children there is no way I wouldn't educate them privately. YANBU.