To be jealous of teacher friend?

[Notheretoday]

Name changed because I know some parents of children I teach are MNetters!

I'm a secondary school teacher. Have been for fifteen years. I love teaching, but the workload is stressing me to the point of feeling physically sick to return to work on Monday.

I'm in a large comprehensive school and have had classes as large at 34 and the stress of marking is taking its toll on me.

Over the past few years I've noticed a dramatic decline in behaviour at my school, as well as an increased animosity, even aggression, from parents. Too often I see excellent teachers crying in the staffroom because of malicious and unfounded accusations made by parents against kind, talented and hard-working people.

AIBU to feel very jealous of my ex-colleague who jumped ship a few years ago from my school and now works at a private boarding school?

She's a lot less stressed and more calm than she was when we worked together and said that she can really focus on teaching rather than behaviour management now. I'm so jealous of this.

I can't remember all the details, but she has:
very small classes
lengthy holidays (four weeks at Christmas, July and Aug off!).
doesn't have to work on Saturdays or after school. All meetings, including parents' meetings, are within the school day
lighter timetable
private health care
free financial advice
so many expensive resources at her fingertips, to use for planning and in lessons
free use of the facilities, including swimming pool and posh gym
better pay and pension
lovely work environment, with lots of perks like free food and tickets to events in the town
crucially - no behaviour issues whatsoever. It's a highly selective school, so all of the kids are very able and determined to do well. I thought they'd be really entitled, but she said they're all very respectful

I've never liked the idea of private education. I went to a state school and my DC are state-educated, but I'm feeling that life is too short to face another twenty years or so of my situation, rather than looking over the fence at working in selective independent schools. I'm so sick of dreading ever day.

AIBU to be jealous, or should I be glad to educate those who don't have the benefit of wealth?

Sounds like you need to leave your school, OP, and find a better one.

It doesn’t need to be private. There must be many secondary schools around that manage teacher workload and pupil behaviour better than yours does.

My daughter works in one.

I don't think that's true and it's quite a rude thing to say. DHs close friend was a lecturer at an Ivy league in the US for a number of years, but couldn't teach state secondary here because he doesn't have a pgce and didn't want to go back to university himself and start at the bottom of pay scale with his experience. He works in the private sector as a department head and is immensely qualified. Emotional responses such as this are really unhelpful. If you don't like where you work look for other employment. It's very simple.

FWIW I work in the criminal justice sector and it's not fun and games here either.

My aunt used to be a department head in state secondary and over time aligned her skills and qualifications with working with children with additional needs. She now works in a residential school for children with significant SEN and loves it, because it is not an exam production line she feels she is doing what's best for each child.

Private schools are gradually becoming less cushy to work in. Even a lot of the 'big players' are gradually withdrawing from the TPS/requiring staff to pay top-up contributions to cover extra burden on the employer's side. I wouldn't assume that any school that currently doesn't do this will stay that way. Equally the number of schools with 4 weeks at Christmas is shrinking, especially if they aren't full boarding. It's an increasingly competitive market and parents want to feel that they're getting maximum value for money. As well as longer days, there is no directed time so you can't just say no to doing random extra curriculars etc. Marking load and reports load are often heavier. All that said, it sounds like your friend works at an excellent school!

If applying to a private school I would bear in mind that they can offer very different experiences to staff. Eg I know one small local private school which seems to have been in financial peril for many years, staff are frequently used for cover, there is basically no behaviour policy which makes managing low-level disruption difficult, no TAs so trickier to manage SEN needs in class, expectation that you can teach across multiple subjects to manage gaps, etc.

Word of caution: not all private schools are like this. Some are stretched to the bone with teachers doing more for less and with hugely demanding parents who want your blood when their average child doesn’t get a place at Oxbridge.

I think the selective nature is probably the most helpful element re. behaviour. If you’ve earned your place there, you want to be there, you want to stay there. I also see this in selective state schools and our local UTC (non selective but competitive entry and starts at Y10).

why don't you apply for one yourself rather than being jealous. its not like its an impossible reach for you?

I’ve worked at two private schools and a decent state school. One of the private schools and the state school were both really enjoyable to work at.
the other private school - awful. Worst behaviour I’ve ever had to deal with, weak head and really rude parents. It really depends on leadership, if the school is managing financially, pupil numbers etc.
so do look for another job. But don’t assume private equals enjoyable. Just investigate lots of schools if you can, suss out the atmosphere. Nothing wrong with sending a speculative letter.

Moving schools in the state system is frying part to fire. I teach English and the workload is insane. More than that's it's the scrutiny - in no other job I have worked in have I been so micro managed. There is no autonomy in teaching anymore.

The thing that makes me laugh most are the endless INSET days where we are taught (again) about adaptive teaching (aka differentiation) etc yet have no support to deliver.

In one of my classes I have 33 pupils - this is a set 3, there are 4 kids with EHCPs in there and another 8/9 with SEND. No TA support. School needs more teachers and more TAs but the budget doesn't allow it.

I get it OP as a friend works in private and he biggest issue is the accountability to parents about grades. Behaviour seems so much better.

The teachers may not always been qualified in the same way, but plenty are after leaving the state sector. Yet somehow the academic private schools still consistently get better results than most state schools.

If you're feeling sick about Monday you've probably got to the stage where you feel overwhelmed, try to avoid thinking about work, and it's difficult to think through whether there are less drastic changes you could make to improve things. How about a couple of appointments with a private careers advisor / careers coach?

I wonder if you could move into 6th form or FE, or go PT & supplement your income with tutoring or do additional training for a specific leadership role or to brush up on newer behaviour management strategies or find a school with a more robust behaviour management system or ....? The state system is underfunded and no walk in the park but roles and schools do vary. Life is short and you'll regret it if you don't make changes (so long as you stay in the TPS!)

Nobody is stopping you from moving schools. I did 15 years in the UK state sector and then we moved abroad. I've been teaching at an independent school for the past few years and I really like my job.
My classes aren't much smaller (we are capped at 24, same as state schools here). I have a longer school day, but I've got protected PPA every day. I'm working part time on 0.8 and earn more than I did full time on UPS1+TLR back in the UK. Parents are demanding as well, but that can be referred back to SLT to sort out (and they do...if a parent is unhappy, they are always welcome to move their kid to a different school) and they don't tend to be abusive or violent. We've got security at the door to avoid anyone coming in, who shouldn't. Meetings tend to be within school hours and my timetable has been adjusted to take my needs into account. I'm really grateful for that. We've got strong union support in school, which helps. We have a private pension scheme and some other benefits as well. We also get a 70% reduction on school fees for our own children and can use before and after school care for free.

I'm currently considering moving back to the state sector, but not in the UK. My kids are in state education here.

Qualifications of teachers are an input factor and a small, insignificant one at that (see PP above about the Harvard academic who doesn't have a PGCE). What independent schools sell are the added value in outcomes. If someone 'unqualified' from industry can teach a child as well as or better than someone with a PGCE then I do not have a problem with that.

No, not at all.

Just frustrated that a policy which was only ever designed to appease envy will leave the UK as a whole worse off. There are no winners from it, only losers, and that is no way to run a country.

I doubt relocation is an option for you but the state schools in Scotland are a lot calmer and more reasonable than England.

I’ve always heard that private schools are awful to work at.

If this one is so good then I would keep an eye out for an opening.

It sounds like you have a school problem - not all state schools are like what you describe. You are seeing private schools through rose tinted glasses I'm afraid. A lot of the grass is greener going on.

As others have said move schools, but be careful what you wish for. I have ex-colleagues who work in the private sector who are regularly pulled into the headmasters office to explain why a particular student isn't getting A's or A* at A level... the pressure from parents is massive!

I don't think you should teach in private school. You'll be one on those teachers who lectures the class on privilege whilst taking full advantage of the privilege yourself. It is a bit cringey.

Nearly 60% of private schools are special schools and many of the pupils are funded by the government. That might suit your principles more. Although they are probably privileged compared to most SEND children in the world.

I have worked in both state and private. They all vary so much. There is more competition for jobs in the private sector and some pay less than the state sector. The pension is often less good.

I put YABU because the only person who can change your life is you - good luck with whatever you do

What you've described sounds like an actual dream. To be fair, when I first moved into the independent sector 15 years ago, this was pretty much what it was like, but in my experience there are not many of these utopias around anymore.

All but the most elite of the elite private schools are struggling to survive these days. Recruitment and retention is everything, customer is always right, no matter whether what they want is reasonable or even feasible. Parents are paying a huge amount and expect a lot for their money, but we've been stuck on a pay freeze whilst inflation runs amok. Schools are trimming all sorts around the edges (lots of redundancies, including losing admin staff and leadership posts), so teachers are having to take on more and more. We also have to do boarders' duties and a significant extra curricular committment at my school. We're expected to be in the building until 17.15 every day.

That said, none of our kids would ever tell a teacher to fuck off!

They aren't all like that! So do be sure to do your homework on any school you might apply for if you are thinking of doing the same.

@Notheretoday "Too often I see excellent teachers crying in the staffroom because of malicious and unfounded accusations made by parents against kind, talented and hard-working people."

If SLT know about this and don't take robust action, they're at serious fault. They should be standing up for teachers, not letting them be abused. Better state schools do exist. Move.

Regarding workload: always a difficult one. Not hard to end up working 60 hours a week. Take a long, hard look at what you give your time to, then jettison whatever you can if it's not worth your time. This will ruffle feathers but that's their problem.

Retired teacher here.
I worked in primary schools for 44 years in the state sector.
Loved my job, but in the final year I was really counting down to retirement.
30 lively children, some with special needs, a number with behavioural issues. Preparatory work. Marking books. Staff meetings, parents nights. Assesments. Ofsted inspections. Need I say more?
Is it any wonder that so many brilliant and talented teachers like yourself are questioning their future.
It's a really tough job and every week of holiday is honestly a godsend.

Re the comment about academic private schools consistently getting better results … to quote incorrectly ‘well they would, wouldn’t they’. Having students who have been selected on parental income, academic capability, few SEN needs and the ability to ask for difficult/failing students to be withdrawn makes a lot of difference. Much like the state grammar schools who get terrific results; how could they not?

No you are not being unreasonable, presumably you became a teacher to teach, not to become a babysitter? if she doesn't have to deal with that, and gets better pay and more perks, I too would be jealous, but, other than the also presumably competitive interview process, what's stopping you?

Nope, your sanity is more important than anything and not unreasonable. I've known 2 teachers in the last few years, one quit, twice. First time to run a deli, 2nd time to retrain in therapy. She's still a therapist. The second teacher 2 years ago started teaching at a private school. Man, she was so much more chilled and actually looked forward to school term starting again, instead of dreading it.

Kids better behaved, nearly all parents ok. What a difference.

I worked in a private boarding school and would say that her experience isn't normal. Although I had small class and better resources, free meals etc, the hours were brutal. 60 hours a week in school, plus a bit of planning and marking at home. Saturday morning lessons, sat pm sports, one night a week boarding house duty until 22:30. Almost all other staff had free or very low cost on site accomodation apart from me which made me very resentful to SLT as I was effectively £15-20k a year worse off. I was paid slightly higher than in the state sector and part of the TPS. The long hols were great, but needed due to the crazy work hours. I left due to divorcing and not being able to afford to live in the south as a single parent on a teaching salary, but miss it even though it was bonkers and a school like no other. I now work in a school in Europe which has it's own pros and cons!