To be jealous of teacher friend?

[Notheretoday]

Name changed because I know some parents of children I teach are MNetters!

I'm a secondary school teacher. Have been for fifteen years. I love teaching, but the workload is stressing me to the point of feeling physically sick to return to work on Monday.

I'm in a large comprehensive school and have had classes as large at 34 and the stress of marking is taking its toll on me.

Over the past few years I've noticed a dramatic decline in behaviour at my school, as well as an increased animosity, even aggression, from parents. Too often I see excellent teachers crying in the staffroom because of malicious and unfounded accusations made by parents against kind, talented and hard-working people.

AIBU to feel very jealous of my ex-colleague who jumped ship a few years ago from my school and now works at a private boarding school?

She's a lot less stressed and more calm than she was when we worked together and said that she can really focus on teaching rather than behaviour management now. I'm so jealous of this.

I can't remember all the details, but she has:
very small classes
lengthy holidays (four weeks at Christmas, July and Aug off!).
doesn't have to work on Saturdays or after school. All meetings, including parents' meetings, are within the school day
lighter timetable
private health care
free financial advice
so many expensive resources at her fingertips, to use for planning and in lessons
free use of the facilities, including swimming pool and posh gym
better pay and pension
lovely work environment, with lots of perks like free food and tickets to events in the town
crucially - no behaviour issues whatsoever. It's a highly selective school, so all of the kids are very able and determined to do well. I thought they'd be really entitled, but she said they're all very respectful

I've never liked the idea of private education. I went to a state school and my DC are state-educated, but I'm feeling that life is too short to face another twenty years or so of my situation, rather than looking over the fence at working in selective independent schools. I'm so sick of dreading ever day.

AIBU to be jealous, or should I be glad to educate those who don't have the benefit of wealth?

Perhaps you could get a job teaching in one of the very strict new state academy schools?

Aren't all pupils leaving private schools in droves fue to the VAT? Well according to previous numerous MN threads they were, with teachers losing their jobs. Or was that made up.

I agree though schools need more support

It's a tough one. A lot of the time, shit parenting is to blame. But the govt also needs to sort out workload and SEND provision, so I do understand how frustrating it must be for you.

Before you make the leap though, how much do you value the "making a real difference to disadvantaged or less affluent kids" element of your job? Because you won't get that in the independent sector. No judgement if it's not a factor for you, but it is why a lot of people go into teaching so that's why I ask.

I have the utmost respect for teachers, because I wouldn't last an hour.
If you can make changes, OP, do. Your health is most important.

I find this slightly odd.
At our local private school (75% are boarders) they work until 6pm Mon-Fri plus 9am-2pm Sat so all teaching staff are also working.
Yes, holidays are longer but this is made up during term time.

It is a nicer environment though.

You say you never liked the idea of private education.

Did you cheer on the government when it decided to kneecap the independent sector by adding VAT to the fees for their charitable activity?

I have to say that Scotland seems a lot better! Teaching in secondary in England seems horrible.

She said that teachers work 9 - (I think) 4.15pm Mon - Fri.
Nothing outside of this. She always does park run on Saturday mornings - which is when I see her

I imagine that the boarding houses and pastoral departments are huge.

I did. Why on earth should those parents be exempt from paying VAT?

So go work in a private school then? You have agency over your life

I teach at a university and occasionally give talks at boarding schools (state schools, too, before anyone asks). The pupils at the boarding schools seem lovely, very well behaved, confident and inquisitive, stretching themselves far beyond the curriculum - all of which is true of some state schools and their students, of course. But all the teachers I've spoken to have said about being asked to put in long hours (evening work regularly), run lots of extra-curriculars, and they've talked about perks being cut (e.g. accommodation that used to be entirely free, they now have to pay a contribution towards). They all love it, but one said it would be utterly incompatible with parenting if your partner also had a full time job. I don't think the grass is all greener.

I know teachers who work in private schools, and I don’t think your friend’s experience is usual. They work Saturday, have to do 1/2 evenings a week of prep / boarding house responsibility, and have to deal with entitled parents who expect to get whatever they want because they are rich.

AIBU to be jealous, or should I be glad to educate those who don't have the benefit of wealth?

This often isn’t even true. For some parents, it’s a matter of priorities and they prioritise a private education over their own food and health. Others get into debt and some have the fees paid by others.

Maybe some of us believe all children should be entitled to a good education regardless of parental income. I'm retired now but was never tempted to teach in private schools. I worked in areas of deprivation.

Those parents in many cases as day pupils were likely frustrated by the lack of SEN support, there children needing smaller than 34 in a class, distraction from other children swearing, good teachers leaving due to the pressure and education being the right of every child.

Your friend may be one of those teachers who doesn't volunteer for the extra expected in boarding schools, that put pressure on the other teachers who do volunteer and do extra or a very rare boarding school, where boarding is truly very seperate. From friends working in independent sector, they certainly have parent meetings with parents in an evening, expectations to respond to emails/calls, pressure when teaching SLT children, high expectations for pupils who aren't putting the work in and in boarding normally at least 1 boarding duty a week, covering prep and either CCF or DofE.

Go for the change, but your friend sounds very lucky with their deal.

Well, because prior to the current government education was by definition a charitable activity not subject to VAT. The independent sector has been around in education for centuries longer than the state sector, it is one of the last bastions of excellence in UK secondary education, is a huge export for the UK, and for many parents it's the only way of securing a good education for their children.

Then along come people like you: jealous of the independent sector, but still determined to punish it and its service users with breath-taking hypocrisy. I presume you're also happy for state school class sizes to increase even further as independent schools close down, and I presume you're still deluded that all the refugees from the independent sector will bring vast new swathes of money to state schools?

I’ve worked in both teaching sectors and I can say that your friend’s experience was nothing like mine. I had to do sporting stuff on Saturdays and Sundays and yes the kids were great (and I miss teaching them every day) but the pressure was immense. Most independent schools round me are coming out of TPS for some or all staff and that’s a huge issue imo.

I think it entirely depends on the school (as is the case for the state sector). I know someone who is a housemaster down south and is chilled out and loves his job. It can’t be further from what it’s like teaching in a giant Middlesbrough secondary. Only you know what the best thing is for you.

You’re not unreasonable to be jealous, sounds ideal. I think you should consider working there too.

I have taught in independent for 7 years (in state now), and find it much easier. The behaviour is slightly worse, however, the demands of parents in independent schools are high with constant emails etc and you’re needed to come in at the weekends and stay late for events etc.

The grass isn't always greener. My friend works in a private school and although the kids behaviour isn't bad in terms of violence, the behaviour is terrible in the sense that kids and parents think they can do what they like as they are paying for their education. Kids have no respect and treat my friend and the other teachers like the hired help and the parents are very very vocal in demanding what they expect for their money. The kids have no desire to learn as they have family money to fall back on. My friend has also been bullied by senior staff who have higher expectations on them to achieve good results.

Have you perhaps come to the time in your career when you need to think about widening your teaching focus, moving sideways or specialising? I realised that you’re not going to be funded to get a PhD but might that be a way forward to open up other possibilities? Is possible to teach in the state sector but differently? Say, get a further specialised training so you’re teaching older students who want to focus on a particular set of subjects?

I do recommend looking at the different vacancies and academic side of this to see how you could change what you do, because that’s what people often do mid career. What you’ve been doing until now isn’t working any more, so perhaps reorienting yourself might help?

I don’t think it’s private vs state - I’ve heard horror stories from teachers at private schools. Equally there are loads of state schools with excellent behaviour. I’m currently at my 3rd school in 15 years and am really happy where I am now.
Teaching isnt a job you take for an easy life - it’s a vocation, and it can be tough. But it just sounds like you need a new school tbh.

"Last bastions of excellence" and yet the teachers aren't as well qualified.

Cough up or pipe down.

Jealous? 🤣🤣🤣

I taught in several private schools. The reality is that they are business. The customers (parents) are extremely demanding, and rightly so. Behaviour is better, class size smaller. However you will be expected to go above and beyond. Run extra curricular activities, work through the holidays. Stress is off the scale. Results are everything. Pay isn’t massively enhanced.