Is it normal to start eating?

[Sophie26940]

My parents in law always start eating before I’ve even sat down. Even for special occasions in the dining room. Is this normal for some people? My husband doesn’t do this and gets really annoyed at them. It’s really awkward when we have people over as they will sit and politely wait whilst my PIL have nearly finished. So I have to passively aggressively say “please start”. They still don’t get the hint. They also never strip the bed, they’ll make it perfectly before leaving which is pointless considering I’m about to strip it. They’ll put all the dishes in the sink rather than on the side - how can I wash the dishes if the sink is blocked? I wonder if they’ve never had people to stay before or had a dinner party?It’s getting to the point where we don’t want to host them but they live far away and like to see their grand son so we have to have them. There are a zillion other things that make them a pain to host but I won’t bore you with them!

We always tell people "Dig in, don't wait for us" because we think its ruder to leave people waiting while the food goes cold.

I prefer dishes in the sink rather than cluttering up the side, as most of it will go in the dishwasher.

I've never stripped a bed as a guest in my life and wouldn't expect it of my guests either.

Your irritation is your problem quite frankly. Not everyone does it the same, and you need to let it go.

Formal etiquette is that no one starts eating until the most senior ranked guest starts. As C&C are more than likely the most senior present, they will know everyone is waiting for them. They will start as soon as everyone is served so that no one is waiting for them longer than necessary.

I used to be a teacher.

my superpower is being able to drink a very hot cup of tea in under a minute. Years of practice.

op, fish and houseguests start to smell after three days. They’re annoying you because they’re staying a long time.

incidentally, our house record for eating food quickly was set by my 15 year old son who ate a dominos large pizza while my dd was going to the loo before dinner. Under 5 minutes. So I totally believe that PIL could have eaten their meal while stuff was being brought out.

My in laws start eating too.I find it really rude ,and I was dragged up.
Stripping beds is something I'd expect air bnb or holiday let guests to do, not house guests.Dishes wouldn't bother me.

They clear plates away and make the bed. If they take plates through surely its a couple of dishes, glasses and bits of cutlery not an overflowing sink. You are being petty to consider not hosting them in future. The food thing annoying yes but take it as a compliment they enjoy your food. Learn to let things go if this is their worst crimes you could have a lot worse

People who can't wait for other people to be served will often eat really quickly. It's more about stuffing the food down than having a sense of a meal as a shared event, which is also about enjoying conversation.

Generally when I have people round I a) serve food onto hot plates so it will not get cold and b) serve up quite quickly - perhaps with help from my partner - so that the first person served doesn't have to wait too long.

It's also quite helpful with a more complex meal where there may be delays before it gets served to have a few nibbles, crisps, nuts etc - so that people aren't so ravenous they have to eat like wolves the minute their plate appears.

These sound like incredibly minor inconveniences. As they live so far away, you must rarely see them anyway. Couldn't you suck it up and just go with the flow a bit when they visit? They may not be helping in the exact way you want them to, but they are trying, and they're not mind-readers. If you want them to do something a particular way, knock off the passive aggression and just ask them outright.

she was brilliant. I am quite the fan.

These sound like incredibly minor inconveniences.

are we only allowed to post about major inconveniences? do we have to run them past a committee who will decide if we can post about them?

Yes but for 2 adults to have served themselves and almost finished eating you must have taken longer than a few seconds...

All this fuss about table etiquette, hosts guests etc - they're FAMILY visiting FAMILY! 🙄

Starting to eat before everyone is served or has sat down is very bad manners . I don't care if the food is hot .... people use that as an excuse. It is rude.
I would have to tell them it serve them last

Very rude people

I would "forget" the cutlery until everyone was sat down ready. Force them to have some manners

Just adding to this, i met her as an older teenager i have a disability and was involved with riding for the disabled she was/is Patron , and I was "presented " to her at an event she was genuinely interested in me and the pony and spent a while talking to us, I am also a fan.

This honestly blows my mind.

This is your family. They are visiting their son and grandchild (& you). They aren’t having tea with the King.

I would never expect in laws to “dine formally” in my home. Eat what you want when you want. Leave the dishes wherever and I’d be absolutely mortified if they thought they had to strip the bed. You should be able to relax at your closest families homes. Not worry over where exactly the host would prefer you leave the dishes or whether your own child and his wife would be mortally offended that you shock horror perfectly made the bed you slept in 😱

They are rude. You could try saying 'grace' e.g. 'thanks to the cooks for the food we are about to eat and PiL have already scoffed'? (More polite version says 'have already eaten'.) No seconds till everyone has finished firsts, too.
Buffet service might help, esp if PiL have to put out dishes to 'help' you, and knives and forks are not on the table but must be picked up before sitting down - name plates so everyone has to find their seat. Works for a large family Christmas meal - and table can still be elaborately decorated.

Because it is rude? To start serving yourself from the dishes and eating it all before other people have had a chance to sit down is bad manners.
Bet OP's PiL, if dining with King, wouldn't stop eating when he did (which is protocol). Rude.

I don't agree. That is really rude. You should never start before the host is seated. What drives me mad is people not helping themselves to vegetables etc whilst the plates are being handed out. I always tell people to help themselves to vegetables, and by the time they have done this, all the plates should be on the table.