Is it normal to start eating?

[Sophie26940]

My parents in law always start eating before I’ve even sat down. Even for special occasions in the dining room. Is this normal for some people? My husband doesn’t do this and gets really annoyed at them. It’s really awkward when we have people over as they will sit and politely wait whilst my PIL have nearly finished. So I have to passively aggressively say “please start”. They still don’t get the hint. They also never strip the bed, they’ll make it perfectly before leaving which is pointless considering I’m about to strip it. They’ll put all the dishes in the sink rather than on the side - how can I wash the dishes if the sink is blocked? I wonder if they’ve never had people to stay before or had a dinner party?It’s getting to the point where we don’t want to host them but they live far away and like to see their grand son so we have to have them. There are a zillion other things that make them a pain to host but I won’t bore you with them!

I voted YANBU as this would annoy me too.

1 - serve them their food last (so they get it nice & hot, if they ask why)
2 - ask them to strip the bed, you can do this politely and stress that it would really help you out
3 - leave a washing up bowl next to the sink and ask them to put things in there (or better yet, ask them to do the dishes).

Op I’m with you, dishes on the bloody side or else how does anyone find room to get a glass of water, wash hands etc, rinsed and to the side waiting until they go in dishwasher. People on here must have huge or double sinks, I do not!

I am generally very laid back but starting to eat before the person who cooked sits down is so so rude
along with people on their phones when eating with others
and leaving the table without asking

to me all disrespectful and bad manners

My PIL annoy me by eating immediately and not waiting for others. It especially annoys me when my FIL is shovelling his food down and doesn't think to pass round any of the serving dishes to others (especially if I've cooked the stuff!) I've made sure my DC know that in group scenarios they should have some manners.

Yes this is why I was so annoyed. breastfeeding, thirsty and tired I couldn’t get a glass of water as the sink was piled high with every pan and dish when there is plenty of space on the side, it’s a small single sink. Things could have gone in the dishwasher too.

Yes They’ll finish early and then sit on their phones which make loud noises. Sometimes on their phones during dinner too. I could give a huge list of things that annoy me.

This was aimed at the other guests who hadn’t started yet. I was embarrassed as it must have come across as passive aggressive to my parents in law who had already started.

They always offer to help with the dishes, but I don’t like my MIL doing them as she doesn’t rinse them and she blocks the sink and dishwasher. I don’t mind doing them though. I think their general manners are ok. They refuse to take their shoes off though, they roll their eyes if you ask them to. I once left a cake out and my FIL without asking ate it with his hands after blowing his nose and all the crumbs fell to the floor! I was annoyed as he was unwell and I was pregnant. But that’s just men isn’t it. My husband wouldnt use a knife and a plate either. And wouldn’t pick up all the crumbs. Anyway I’m nit picking again.

They need to take their shoes OFF! How disgusting of them to trail traces of dog shit/piss, spit, whatever else is on the pavements into your home

This is becoming a bit of a drip feed now because obviously all these things do sound rude & obnoxious.
I would have led with these rather than the less annoying not stripping the bed!

Phones at the table, they are grown adults!! I don’t mind kids eating breakfast or lunch or a snack alone looking at phones
when I have cooked a meal and we are eating together it is sooo rude and a dealbreaker for me
my own dad would tell me off for doing it and I am 54!
asking to leave the table I meant children, it’s how I was brought up. I do not expect my in-laws to ask me if they can leave the table 😂

Feeling even more sorry for your MIL now, she can't even wash dishes now without judgement!

I would roll my eyes at a no shoe request too, although I would reluctantly comply if asked.

Again, without getting into shoes/no shoes homes, this is just down to different people having different ways of doing things and nitpicking. You seem inflexible and very judgemental of anyone who doesn't do it your way - or is it just your in-laws that get this treatment? Where does that come from insecurity?

In fairness I never do, I just take as much as I want at the time, and am always happy with what I've had.

I find it nice in fairness, as he wants me to have as much as I want and then he will have what's left at the end, we both cook and always do enough to go round. I just find it frustrating how long it takes him to dish his up sometimes, it literally takes me seconds!

they can only start eating if you've given them a plate & cutlery...

Give them there's last then

My sister in law starts as soon as she possibly can while everyone around her waits politely and passes serving dishes/ salt and pepper/ water etc to each other.

It makes me seethe. I feel absolutely enraged and apoplectic just thinking about it.

The food thing is rude. If it really bothers you I’d introduce grace before eating, could be non religious! Everything else I’d tell them explicitly what you want. I don’t want my guests stripping beds; I leave them made up as cat sleeps on them and I only change fresh for a new guest. Equally the sink people have different norms here. Tell them what you want them to do. They’re obviously trying to be helpful

Petty behaviour.

Agree. OP is supposed to be a host. She sounds unbelievably inhospitable and nitpicking to me. Expecting guests to strip a bed is grim. If they’re guests, treat them as such not cheap chambermaids FGS.
They probably loathe coming to see you.

Well in my world it's totally normal, not to say expected, to wait until everyone is ready to eat, although someone (host or person who is still waiting for their meal) will usually say "please start" if there is a delay in someone being served. The other 2 issues are a bit nit picky imo.

Agree about the food: that’s bad manners, but I dislike it when guests strip the bed without checking. I have a system for washing bed linen and don’t like it piled up—better on the bed until I’m ready.