Is it normal to start eating?

[Sophie26940]

My parents in law always start eating before I’ve even sat down. Even for special occasions in the dining room. Is this normal for some people? My husband doesn’t do this and gets really annoyed at them. It’s really awkward when we have people over as they will sit and politely wait whilst my PIL have nearly finished. So I have to passively aggressively say “please start”. They still don’t get the hint. They also never strip the bed, they’ll make it perfectly before leaving which is pointless considering I’m about to strip it. They’ll put all the dishes in the sink rather than on the side - how can I wash the dishes if the sink is blocked? I wonder if they’ve never had people to stay before or had a dinner party?It’s getting to the point where we don’t want to host them but they live far away and like to see their grand son so we have to have them. There are a zillion other things that make them a pain to host but I won’t bore you with them!

How does food get served that they can start before you have sat down?

Bed wouldn't bother me as surely they are just straightening a duvet?

I prefer bedding to stay put until I'm ready for it to go in the machine.

Have you asked them not to put stuff in the sink?

Worst people we've had started helping themselves whilst the serving dishes were still being laid out on table.
I bought through roasties and mash, then went back to get the veggies, they'd already helped themselves to the potatoes and started eating asking where the gravy was etc...

They'd eaten pretty much all their meal by the time me and DH had sat down, they'd had more than their share of things too... Then started eyeing up my potatoes going "are you going to eat all of those do you think?"

Greedy fuckers. Never got invited back.

I'm wondering how long it takes you to actually sit down at the table, if your PIL have nearly finished their meals by the time you do it?

It's rude to start before everyone else but what with you and your DH, that should be two adults serving and yet they manage to almost finish by the time everyone else is served?

Why not just serve them last?

Is the food piping hot? My SIL lets everyone help themselves in the kitchen, with them going last. By the times they've sat down, the food is luke warm, cold by the time we've finished.

Getting around this, if you serve food onto plates in the kitchen, start giving them theirs last, is as you're coming into room to sit down yourself. If you put serving bowls on the table, then hand the plates out last and then you can all eat roughly the same times, ie when you've helped yourselves.

Because, unless you're octopus man, how will you bring through 6 dishes all at once?

Even if you have a hostess trolley thing, my guests would have started helping themselves immediately as soon as the first dish was on the table and be eating before I'd sat down.

You sound very precious about stuff and need to unclench a bit. I totally agree about the eating thing, that's just rude but the other stuff is just silly.

Plates in the sink, well it would annoy me if people left plates on the side rather than in the sink. and as for stripping the bed, that would never occur to me. Maybe just losen up a bit and don't get so annoyed about non important stuff.

So what's taking you so long to sit down at the table?

How many dishes are you bringing out?

Why is it taking you so long to sit down if it is serve yourself?

I dislike this too op. I was always taught to wait for everyone to sit down before starting, especially if you have guests.

However, it isn't a massive deal though and I have to say that when my dh cooks, I tell people to start without him, because 1, he doesn't care and 2, he fucks about so much in the kitchen. We all have cold food before he finally comes through and says "oh sorry, you didn't need to wait".

None of those things are enough to say you don’t want them to stay with you. I’d love to know what annoys them about you.

If the dishes are being brought to the table and they've had time to dish up their own dinner from the various servings, and almost finish it before others start, you must be taking quite some time to sit down yourself?

Maybe because she's bustling back and forwards with dishes, drinks etc..?

While her husband does what?

Twiddles his thumbs while she waits on his parents and the other guests?

When it comes to eating, depends so much on how formal it is, we tend to put everything in the middle and only start to help ourselves once everyone is seated but you can start eating as soon as you want after that. If plating in the kitchen it isn’t a formal meal so I don’t expect people to wait

I have previously sent MIL back to the dining room with dirty plates. I know she was trying to be helpful but there simply wasn't anywhere to put them. The dishwasher was nearly finished, and 5 minutes later the dirty plates could go straight into it.

...i dunno... One of my friends seems to practically inhale his food, to the point someone once said "aren't you having any food Stuart?" They hadn't actually noticed he's served himself and finished so quickly, it looked as though he'd not taken anything yet!

We learned very quickly not to put too much effort in his food when he's over.... Not a chance am I doing fiddly/time consuming meals etc for them to be hoovered in about 2 minutes.

He's perfectly polite and stays and chats and stuff. He just gobbles it down so quickly, its shocking.

And then later complains of digestive issues

This is probably a north/south divide thing. I’m not obsessed with my food being inedibly hot but some people are really funny about this.

Not that long ago everyone would have been expected to wait for grace to be said on Sunday or at least Christmas Day, so finishing a meal before the host has even sat down hasn’t always been the cultural norm.

I dunno. I was just offering suggestions.

I know that I'm often last to sit down, despite DH doing the odds and ends. Because I needed to put the dishes in dishwasher or grab another bottle of wine from the fridge or whatever.

I can't imagine the OP's MIL and FIL serving their own dinners from all the various serving dishes and almost finishing them before the OP has finally sat down unless she's taking ages.

But who knows I guess.

Personally, I can't stand people eating before everyone is at least sat down.

Drives me crazy!

Don't mind if once they've taken their bot if casserole, mash and veg they tuck in.but if not everyone is at the table, it just seems rude.

You can't imagine it?

Really?

I couldn't let myself be bothered about any of this.

If them eating before everyone is served is really getting to you maybe serve them last, or withhold cutlery until everyone has been served?

The other things are really non issues. They are trying to be as helpful as they can be and don't realise what your set ways are. They are not going out of their way to cause you problems or be nasty.

Try to have a bit of tolerance; you could have much bigger family issues than what you have mentioned here.

I think stacking the dishwasher while your guests are sat there staring at the food you've served them, would be quite rude really.

Dont sweat the small stuff.

The bed is just so minor. It really doesnt matter.

The plates, meh. Genuingely. It takes a minute to lift the plates out of the sink. So it might not be your preference but it's hardly a big issue.

Eating is an etiquette, manners thing but open to interpretation. Personally unless told "please start/dont wait for me" etc then I always wait. Whereas, as you've seen on this thread other people think it's fine to start. I can see why, depending on your view of manners on this then you might find certain behaviours rude but again, it doesnt matter. It's a mild, short lived irritation.

Honesty, this stuff is just nonsense and part of having people round. You probably have little things that drive them mad as well.

No I can't.

And nobody 'inhales' food even if they do eat it fast.

There are two adults in the house to bring the dishes to the table, even a wild boar couldn't eat it that fast.