Do your young children get up in the morning without you?

[Didimum]

If so, how old are they? How long for? And what do they do?

My youngest is too young for this, but eldest has been able to amuse himself in his room for a while since he was 5/6.

In your case I'd set a boundary that feels like a reasonable compromise, even if earlier than you'd like. E.g. no coming in to wake mum and dad before 6.30 unless for a really good reason/emergency. If they're normally awake 6-6.30 that shouldn't be a very big deal for them, so I would be comfortable getting firm (i.e
cross!) if it were repeatedly ignored. I would also happily offer incentives (reward chart style) for compliance with the rule. What might yours respond to? Maybe something like going out for hot chocolate in a cafe of their choice if they manage a week of letting you sleep till 6.30 undisturbed every day? And if they manage that you could gradually work towards 6.45, then 7.

My kids have always been early risers. They had gro clocks and knew not to come find us before it was green (unless of course they were sick or had a nightmare or something) - and yes, I thought doing so was a behaviour issue and there were age appropriate consequences that changed as they got older. But by 5 or earlier they never did it so no consequences were needed. Now they are 9/13 and they do whatever they want - which mostly involves lying in bed with a book until my husband or I call them down to eat. They’re welcome to make some breakfast or watch telly if they want, sometimes my daughter will make pancakes or something.

The thing that helped first was providing them breakfast they could access. I had this little milk jug from when I was a kid and I’d fill it up and leave on the bottom shelf with the cereals on the shelf. They’d have ‘special mornings’ when my daughter would help my son get some breakfast (sometimes a treat cereal) and they’d watch octonauts or whatever. They thought it was a massive treat and we’d get a lie in.

They do have Walkie Talkies, but problem is they use them pretty prolifically. I’d predict they would just keep buzzing me on it incessantly 😂 I appreciate the idea though and it’s worth a shot as nothing to lose.

We have a big, old house so I can appreciate they may feel more vulnerable than other kids in different properties, but my bedroom is literally right above the living room. Out living room door, staircase is immediately outside and my (open) bedroom door is immediately at top of staircase. I’ve pointed out I’m much closer there than in the kitchen which is at the other end of the house – three rooms and a hallway away. But no, upstairs is clearly in another realm 😂

One is of fairly anxious nature in some situations and the other is not. At a month away from 8, ND would definitely most likely be apparent, and there’s nothing.

I don’t think they would mind if I took a cup of tea back to bed if I got up and was downstairs with them for say 5-10 minutes, but that’s not what I’m looking for.

I’m not arguing that 7yr olds shouldn’t be ready. I’m simply saying mine are not and I don’t believe it’s misbehaviour that there is a direct consequence for – or indeed that there should be a consequence for. As I have also said above, the comments on encouragement rather than punishment are most fitting.

They are happy to be in their rooms alone or on a different level to me during the day and evening. Just not first thing in the morning.

I’ve no problem with them coming to wake me up at whatever time – I would rather know they are awake. They have definitely never learned to not leave their rooms before X time (6am is my rule) even though I have never relented in getting up then or allowing them to go downstairs then. I simply say ‘no, go back to bed til morning’. To be fair, they do that mostly without protesting. But neither of them have ever learnt not to do it in the first place (groclocks and actual clocks galore). I think it’s because they are twins and go and fetch each other, knowing they will get up for each other.

I have definitely gotten very firm with my ‘no’s and they do slink away with that – but reappear 5 minutes later as if 30 minutes may have past 😂

Reward chart is a good idea.

Apologies I meant in the morning they don't seem content to even stay and play in their rooms to play instead of coming in to pester you. Have they explained why they won't play in the morning it surely can't be because they are afraid especially if they're happy to do so during the day?

I would be looking to understand why they seem to deliberately choose to ignore your very reasonable request to wait until the time you've specifically asked them to or not continually pester you every few minutes to go downstairs. Can they explain why? Surely if they had a snack (e.g a brioche) they could eat and toys to play with they don't need to go downstairs or bother you?

Sounds incredibly annoying. But then, I'm only the mother of a 5 and 2 year old who always obey the groclock, so what would I know 😇

Mine are nearly 11 and 8 and have done so for the past couple of years.

Mine are 8 and 6 and will quite happily get up around 7 and play for 2/3 hours. It’s a rarity that I’d leave them past 9am but there has been the occasion where I’ve been unwell.

8 year old will ask me to make porridge in the microwave otherwise he helps himself to cereal but generally they can play and entertain themselves for a couple hours. They’ll just do whatever they are usually doing, PlayStation, Lego, switch, playing together etc

I would say it gradually got better when the youngest hit 5

i do always keep an ear out but we’re in a new build so noise travels easily anyway

Im shocked at the majority of responses. Most seem to put an hour extra in bed before their child's needs? Shocking. What if they choked while eating breakfast?

Yep all get up and go downstairs our 4 year old twins 5 year single 6 year single, daddy leaves for work at 4am and leaves them all a snack and drink of apple juice on a little table, they will play Lego, read or play tag or just there usual toys till I get up. Usually starts with twins awake and trooping down around 7, they will take there night nappy pants off, use the toilet and put there jama bottoms and knickers on themselves. The 5 usually wakes around 7:45 and will go down toilet and then I hear him chattering for ages to his sisters and the final youngest 6 gets up around 8:30 and that's when they all help themselves to there snack lol.....there's a locked gate so they can't get in kitchen, all leads for tv etc etc were well and truly hidden before they came along sadly I can't dive out of bed anymore since I was diagnosed with M.E and other health problems after the twins so we made our youngest ones independent and soon as I wake around 9 I shout them up for cuddles in bed and stories until I get myself together or hubby gets in from work..I didn't have this condition with our teenagers so sadly have to make the best of what we have but there all happy campers

They aren't toddlers! That could happen at anytime of the day, I'm not with my kids for all their meals at this age. I get them breakfast or lunch and then go off pottering around the house and leave them in the kitchen

Anyone can choke child or adult. So by this logic no one should ever eat alone. There are many risks in life and choosing to allow your child some independence as they grow in a controlled way without instilling in them fear they may choke and die seems a sensible approach to parenting.

You don't sit down and eat with your children? I think that is sad tbh.

I think they likely just don’t want to play in their room in the morning. They don’t play in their rooms very often. They prefer the living room to spend time in and a lot of their things are in our downstairs play room.

I have spoken to them – they just don’t want to be in their own. It’s a reasonable request to me. But if they’re scared and don’t like it, I can understand why it’s not a reasonable request to them. Especially in the moment if they are feeling vulnerable. It would be a natural instinct to get a parent.

What age though?

I think 3 or 4 is too young tbh. As I have said I have seen multiple accidents involving small children early in the morning: pulling down furniture on themselves, jumping out of a window (twice) hot liquids( more times than I care to remember). DH and DBIL even managed to start MIL's car aged 3 & 4 nearly 50 years ago. Don't do it people.

I have spoken to them – they just don’t want to be in their own

I would definitely try and see if you can develop their independence in small ways this year. Not wanting to be alone when they have a sibling with them and adults nearby seems quite unusual.

They are nearly 8 and independence doesn't happen overnight but it does seem like they will need a lot of support in developing some independence in normal days to day situations. It might also be worth getting some professional support. They seem very anxious children from what you've said so far.

There has been a definite change on mumsnet in the last few years. It used to be a place where people commiserated and offered sincere advice. Now, if someone comes with a parenting problem, it largely just descends into a pile on on how the OP is lacking boundaries and needs to apply consequence without any tangible explanation as to what that looks like in real life. Most of these posters seem to be oblivious that the reason their child does (or doesn’t) do the problem behaviour in question is down to the child’s inherent personality. They would far rather believe it’s because they’ve been super strict about the gro clock, for example.

No, I've spoke to my 7yr old about this before but she won't. But she hardly ever wakes up first out of the three anyway and when she does she just does something quietly in her room (usually Lego or reading or listening to her yoto with headphones on) until she hears an adult wake up, so it doesn't disturb anybody anyway. It's normally my 4yo who wakes first these days and I don't feel he's old/independent enough to go downstairs himself yet. His motor skills are a bit underdeveloped due to joint hypermobility too so he's a bit of a walking disaster zone for one, constantly hurting himself and spilling drinks everywhere and so on. He also struggles with volume control so I'm sure he'd be extra noisy if he got up himself and wake everyone else up anyway.

Yeah so you minimise the risk by being there as much as you can. Getting an extra hour in bed isn't a nessecity, it's pure laziness. Just go to bed earlier. Parenting is about looking after your children , not neglecting them.
And you aren't responsible for adults, only children so that's not comparable.

Agree that they should be encouraged to at this age. But they have no issue with being away from us in daytime and evening in general. They play upstairs, go to friends’ houses, can fetch their own food and drink, go to clubs, are left with babysitters.

One of the twins has an anxious nature around some things – she doesn’t like dogs, takes a while to warm up at parties, is sensitive to scary elements in films etc, but I don’t feel like those things are uncommon.

I certainly wouldn’t describe them as ‘very anxious children’ in general terms.

My DD is 9 so these days if it's the holidays or weekends she appears out of her lair when she's ready. But she's been 'allowed' to come down by herself and has done since being about 5 or 6.

Completely agree, it’s very tiresome.