Do your young children get up in the morning without you?

[Didimum]

If so, how old are they? How long for? And what do they do?

@Didimum have the expressed what it is that they don't like about going down by themselves? Mine have always felt grown up about getting a bowl out of the cupboard, choosing what cereal they like and then when finished choosing something on Iplayer or Netflix. What would make them think it's special to sort themselves out? Maybe a special cereal or a selection of toys out that they haven't seen for a while maybe?

Mine are almost 4 and almost 7 and they both get up alone. We're in a flat too, so the living room has snacks and tv - eldest is a very early riser, and still comes to get me if he needs something. Like pp, youngest has followed eldest's routine, although she sleeps later so is never up before her brother. She's meant to get one of us (me/dh) up as I think she's a little young still, but there we are.

It does drive me mental! Both of them have always been extremely persistent.

My 6 yr old has always been good at playing or reading quietly in her room until 7am (gro clock initially, now a proper one on her wall). She’ll then come in and ask if she can go downstairs and depending on the day I’ll either say yes but no tv (school days), or just yes and she can go down. We follow fairly soon after.

My 6 year old is a late riser and can get her own breakfast/watch TV.
I have to say she makes parenting very easy as given the choice she will stay in bed until 9am so I get plenty of chill time.

Christ, all these kids who stay in their rooms or sort themselves out without a parent! My 5 year old is going through a stage of being terrified of being alone, we even need to go to the loo with him. Admittedly he’s possibly ND.

Too dark, too cold (yes, even in the summer), bored, just generally not wanting to be without a parent. They do get their own food and operate the television by themselves, so it’s not that.

At almost 8, the appeal of toys are dropping off for them, so they are only really bothered about a select few. They have Switch games they both play together and love. They can read. They have a Tonie. 😭

Maybe I should be flattered. But I’m not 😂 Plus when I do go with them they aren’t particularly bothered I’m there and just crack on. I’ve tried going back up to my room, but oh no – not acceptable!

What are the consequences for waking you up? At that age I’d have been in trouble for waking my parents up before they were ready on weekends.

My two definitely couldn’t sort themselves out at 5 (they can now but won’t), and they have NEVER stayed in their rooms either by request, order or groclock. They did both go through the not wanting to go to the loo by themselves thing too. Though thankfully that ended.

This brings back memories of the time DD and DS got themselves up aged 5 and 3. ‘We’ve had breakfast, we had jelly and cheese!’

What consequences would you give for two 8yr olds waking you up?

Yes my 6yo and 3yo both do. 3yo asks for help to put something on TV if her sister isn’t awake yet but if 6yo is awake she will do it for her. They will amuse each other for quite a while!

Well my 4 year old has been warned that if he wakes before us and his Yoto is too loud that it wakes us up then it will be taken off him. So he never plays it too loud in the mornings.

The consequence can be anything you decide is firm, fair, and effective.

They crack on without consequence for waking you up when you need extra sleep or time to yourself so of course they’re going to carry on that way. They always get their way. Like kids who whinge endlessly for toys in shops because more often than not their parents give in.

That sounds like a great breakfast to be fair.

I have DS8 and DD4. Both early risers - 6am most days.

DS8 has only just started to stay in his room and play or read. He does come into us and wake us up, then will go back if we don't get up. I'd say we could get 30-45 mins on a good day before he is back again asking for breakfast.
DD4 no way. She is straight into us and wanting us to get up unless she is still tired and she will go back to sleep in our bed for half hour or so.

We have a no TV rule in the morning so they don't go down and watch TV by themselves. Although DS would go down as play with his sister for a bit (or get them breakfast) but it usually ends in an argument after 15 mins or so. (happens rarely)
My children like to be on the same floor as me I have noticed. They wont stay downstairs if I have to put clothes away or clean, they will migrate to their rooms and play.

The Yoto example is a natural consequence and connected to the misbehaviour, which is the most effective form of consequences.

Which is difficult to do with the act of coming to ask someone to get up/come downstairs. There is not a natural connection to a consequence.

Plus when they don’t ‘get their way’, they still do it. So not getting their way doesn’t deter them. I need to get up early on some weekends for various reasons, so it also can’t always be a blanket rule. Without a blanket rule, it’s also harder, as at 7-8 they can’t always connect the dots.

I don’t get this at all. Of course there are natural consequences for disrupting your rest time. Even my 4 year old understands that adults often need a lie in on the weekends when children don’t and want to get up and play. He understands that people sometimes need time to themselves and adults don’t want to play all the time the way children do. A natural consequence of ruining someone’s rest time/time to themselves could be anything you want it to be so long as it’s firm but fair. They are plenty old enough to understand that if you don’t get the rest you need you’ll be too tired to do whatever thing it is they want to do that day.

And of course they can understand the difference between weekdays and weekends or holidays. Unless there’s additional needs here that you haven’t mentioned that means they can only cope with blanket and rigid rules.

So I’m asking what is the natural consequence to coming to wake someone up/get someone up? You can’t just keep saying ‘it can be whatever I want it to be’ – what is the direct, natural consequence? Also bearing in mind it’s most effective in the moment and not effective if you apply it later.

I don’t think there is a fitting, effective one.

The difference isn’t holidays, weekdays and weekends. Of course they understand those differences. I said that sometimes I do need to get up early on weekends for various reasons – so it’s not a pattern that can be quite as easily registered by an 7-8yr old like a weekend or holiday.

Consequences for wanting an awake adult to look after them? Wtf?

She wants them to be more independent - nothing wrong with that! Raising a generation of limpet kids who can’t function without their mum’s intervention is doing none of us any favours 🙄

Yes we also sometimes get up early on weekends if we have plans. That’s standard and a 4 year old is capable of understanding that not every day is the same.

There is not one single blanket consequence I can tell you so I don’t understand why you keep asking me that. I’m not your children’s parent.

From my personal experience I would not hesitate to cancel plans if I was too tired and explain why. You’re treating your children like they are 2 by saying they can’t understand consequences that aren’t immediate. That’s how you deal with consequences for toddlers, not 8 year olds. And quite honestly, if the only consequences that would have an effect aren’t “natural” it doesn’t matter. You are the parent and you can explain to them that if they keep waking you up that’s detrimental to the household as you are then too tired and can’t function well to look after everyone, so if they keep doing it X will happen. X is whatever you deem to be firm, fair, and effective.

You’ve decided there’s no solution to this but they are behaving like toddlers not 8 year olds and you’re enabling it. If you’re happy continuing that way, that’s up to you.

They want an awake adult in the house. That's not limpet behaviour at 8. We're you raised in the 80s? I was and that's not what I want for my children. There's encouraging independence then there's punishing kids for wanting an awake adult in the house.

What consequences would you use? What consequences did you face? Do you have children? As you talk about your experience as a child but not as a parent.

They are 8 years old

They can function without me and do. That’s the thing – presence alone seems to be the issue though.

Yes. They are 8 years old. They want an awake parent with them. At 8. Not 12,13, 15 but 8. Primary 4 at school. Can they be left in the house alone? What about if she wasn't asleep but passed out drunk? I'm only adding that because it doesn't feel much different to a child, it's a parent who doesn't want to be with you when you're feeling worried in the morning