Do your young children get up in the morning without you?

[Didimum]

If so, how old are they? How long for? And what do they do?

They’re almost 10 and 8 here - youngest has SEND. Neither likes to go downstairs if an adult isn’t already up (thankfully DH is an early riser, I’m not!) and youngest refuses to be downstairs alone, but they will hang out downstairs watching TV together now in the mornings. It’s only really something I’ve been comfortable with for about a year tbh.

Over the Christmas holidays they’ve started making their own breakfast whilst I was still upstairs and after DH had gone to work. I felt a bit weird about it as I’ve always been nervous about choking, but they were following rules like eating at the table and I figure there are two of them and one of them would shout me if there was a serious problem! They are exceptionally good at grassing on each other if the other is about to do something they shouldn’t too!!

I'm not judging... But I am interested in whether your children are ever told off for ignoring your instructions??
It's not the beginning in their own fear that would annoy me .. It's the ignoring my request to go back to their room for 30 mins or so

Can you work out a natural consequence that doesn’t feel too much like a punishment based on independence, play dates at friends / going upstairs to play alone or when friends visit is fine but that comes with some responsibilities too and that includes being able to go downstairs on your own and respect your preferred wake up time? Something along those lines?

We will have to agree to disagree there. 4 year olds should not be left unsupervised for an hour and a half in the morning, they could get up to all sorts as I have described (and witnessed over the years).

What are these all sorts?

Pulling funiture down on themselves trying to reach something, falling/ jumping out of an open window ( more likely in the summer), found wandering around the neighbourhood as have gone out and been unable to get back in. Various burns from trying to run a bath/ use the microwave or kettle and taking the automatic car for a drive.

4 year olds taking an automatic car out for a drive 🤣

I’ve heard it all now.

🙄

OP doesn't believe her children are misbehaving when they ignore her, she's said multiple times that she doesn't believe in telling her children off for ignoring her basically 😂

I would love to know what harm you think my 4 year old can come to in her bedroom with her soft toys at 7am when I can hear her playing nicely. Please.

Stop it 😂😂😂😂😂

Hilarious here are some stats for you :

Figure 1. The main causes of emergency hospital admissions and deaths for under-fives
following unintentional injuries in and around the home
Hospital admissions - 2012/13 - 2016/17
Falls 90372
Exposure to inanimate mechanical forces 40788
Accidental poisoning by and exposure to noxious substances 25591
Accidental exposure to other and unspecified factors 16800
Contact with heat and hot substances 12983
Exposure to animate mechanical forces 7346
Other accidental threats to breathing 2159
Overexertion, travel and privation 730
Exposure to smoke, fire and flames 485
Accidental drowning and submersion 483
Exposure to electric current, radiation and extreme ambient air temperature and pressure 162
Contact with venomous animals and plants 143
Exposure to forces of nature 123
Deaths - 2012 - 2016
Choking, suffocation, strangulation 137
Drowning 56
Struck by objects 23
Smoke, fire, flames 16
Accidental exposure to other and unspecified factors 16
Falls 14
Poisoning 6
Heat and hot substances 3
Struck by persons or animals

From this document

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5ac3515be5274a0b107eac59/Unintentional_injuries_under_fives_in_home.pdf

Thank you, I shall remind my 4 year old not to drive my car tomorrow morning xox

Some more food for thought
https://capt.org.uk/falls-from-open-windows/

As I said DH and DBIL took the automatic car for a drive age 3 & 4 50 years ago.

The risk of death from choking in young children is extremely high. For that reason alone I wouldn't leave mine alone to eat. Also a family member lost a 3 year old to a serious accident in the house when something heavy fell down on top of the child.
So it's not worth the risk imo but I suppose it's the parents risk to take. Some may think it's a small risk but it's not worth it for me. Imagine carrying the burden of that loss and guilt for the rest of your life.

Life is a constant risk assessment with and without children. Our house is set up in a way to absolutely minimise all of the risks listed. You weigh up the balance with everything. As a family we value raising a child who is content to play independently for an hour in the morning so we create a home environment conducive to that.

No my daughter has thankfully always loved her sleep so rarely wakes up before me on a weekend or weekday so on weekdays I always have to wake her up.

On weekends if she wakes up before me she'll read a book or practice piano (with headphones) if it's before 8am / 8.30am otherwise she comes in and we will chat and cuddle. We are definitely not morning people at all! I know we are lucky as people we know have kids that wake up at between 5 and 6 every day.

Well I have never in all my years being a parent and nursery nurse ever heard of children doing this. So I wouldn't see this as a risk.
My children couldn't even leave the house without us knowing let alone find the keys and go for a drive.
Sure there's a risk letting kids up but most of those things could happen even with a parent supervising.
Parents can fall while carrying their child down stairs. A child can pull a kettle or pot of boiling water over (only takes a second).

tell them - we have a new regime :

I am getting up on Sat and Sunday at 8 am

if you are up before me you may (set out the rules e.g. play in your bedroom, go downstairs, no opening the door , no cooking etc, play on your switch etc)

you do not disturb me until 8 unless there is an emergency (define emergency - you’ve been sick, one of you has fallen down the stairs)

If you disturb me before 8am without a really good reason - every time you disturb me before 8am I will then add 5 mins to my waking up time (so will be in bed longer and
it will be even later before you have my attention)

you set out the rules - write them down if necessary and then carry it out. Even if it means the first time that you are in bed until 10

you are the parent - you set the perimeters.

I agree the drive thing is unusual but falling, pulling furniture down on themselves is frequent and I would suggest more likely to happen if unsupervised.

God, I know. No one knows how to risk assess anymore. The highest risk of these things happening are from negligent parents who raise kids in a high risk home. If your child is able to get a hold of car keys and get out and start your car then something else is amiss at home. Thankfully we have raised a sensible child and we don’t live in The House of Knives and Dynamite.

If your child runs riot climbing up furniture or ransacking the bathroom, there’s an issue with your parenting that they do that in the first place. I remember one mother of a child the same age as mine detailing how he’d been in the bathroom and emptied every single shampoo, shower gel, toothpaste and bottle of perfume everywhere and rubbed it into all the floors and walls. 4 years old! Absolutely unimaginable, but her child misbehaves constantly due to atrocious parenting so I wasn’t surprised.

We make our home safe. Safer than it needs to be for our child but we always think of the “just in case” safety measures to be sure. But at some point you have to say that you’ve made it as safe as you can and give your children some space to be independent within their developmental stage. Far better than raising children who cling to you and demand you’re up and at em when they say so. When the baby and toddler years are over it’s time to teach them to occupy themselves and accept that a family unit is made up of other people who want to do what they want to do as well.

The risks can be minimised if you set your home up the right way

I am sure this is true. But for me having done hundreds of night shifts seeing early morning accidents- just no worth it for an hour in bed- get up and parent your children until they are 5 or 6. 4 year olds cannot risk asses.

From about 7/8 I think mine did. I can’t be precise about ages as I can’t remember!

It would involve me putting the iPad on for DS at that age I think, and maybe a bit before that he would sometimes come and watch it on my bed if it was really early.

He’s never been the earliest of risers.

DD (my DC1 - now 17) used to be a very early riser when she was small, and I remember we had a TV in the spare room when I was with exh that we put on for her when it was super early. Obviously not at toddler age but from 4/5 ish.

You do need to get sleep somehow!

I wonder if it may be because my kids have never had much experience of being alone. They always shared a room until a year ago. DH and I did shared parental leave … I think they have simply always had companionship!