Do your young children get up in the morning without you?

[Didimum]

If so, how old are they? How long for? And what do they do?

My child is parented just fine. He has a wonderful life and is very content and well adjusted. I am surrounded by children and there are some 4 year olds and older I know wouldn’t leave to play independently. They haven’t been raised well so they get up to all sorts of insane stunts constantly, endlessly in and out of A&E. If you put the work in and have your home set up safely, then an hour of independent play of a morning is perfectly normal and fine for a 4 year old. We built it up from 3 years old starting with a wee 10 minutes at a time. This is nothing out of the ordinary.

Yes, they have been told off.

Hmmm … I’m not sure that feels like a direct consequence. Honestly, the longer this thread has gone on, the more I feel put off by the idea of ‘consequences’ for this. I feel it had to be more encouragement and building of confidence.

I’ve literally just said I tell them off. Your laughing emojis aren’t useful here so no need to use them.

she doesn't believe in telling her children off for ignoring her

No where do I say this and you have zero insight into 99% of the way I parent my kids.

I think you have hit the nail, it’s building up the confidence through reward and praise rather than consequence. As I said previously my kids loved the independence and felt very grown up. By 8 they were making me cups of tea and bringing them up to me in the mornings. It was very cute albeit often quite a crap cup of tea haha!

Far better than raising children who cling to you and demand you’re up and at em when they say so.

You speak as though it’s either one extreme or the other. You can raise kids that don’t feel the need to ‘cling to you’ without feeling comfortable to leave them alone at 4yrs old for over an hour in the morning. Regardless no one on this thread has described children that ‘climb to them’ or are demanding parents be ‘up and at em’, so all of this language is really irrelevant.

I’m referring to my experience of other children as I’ve mentioned in my posts. I know plenty of parents who let their children drag them out of bed of a morning like yours do. They complain about it but don’t change it.

Of course it’s not one thing or the other but there are people on this thread who seem to think that if your child can occupy themselves for an hour some mornings it’s neglect so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Telling off without following through is pointless. Rewards are well and good but there has to be a consequence (not punishment as you seem determined to misread it) or you need to stop telling them off as it’s clearly white noise to them.

My seven year old gets up about an hour before the rest of us do, he relishes the chance to watch things on Netflix that are too scary for his toddler sister that he can’t watch when she (or we) are around. (Nothing inappropriate, just power rangers and stuff with monsters etc that frightens her)…just wondering if there is anything they like to watch that you could decide you ‘don’t like’ or only allow them to watch in the mornings without you so that they begin to enjoy a “sneaky” quiet morning…

I just can't compute nearly 8 year olds requiring you to get up at 6am when you're exhausted and need sleep. It just sounds so rubbish for you, I'm sorry!

My kids don’t ’drag me out of bed’. They ask me to get up, sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.

Your exaggerated language isn’t helpful or – again – relevant.

there are people on this thread who seem to think that if your child can occupy themselves for an hour some mornings it’s neglect

It’s specifically about the age of the child, so let’s not pretend the focus is children occupying themselves – it isn’t.

Thanks, we’ll work on it!!

Why have you started the thread if you’re not talking about the fact that your children can’t occupy themselves without you getting up in the morning?

Sometimes you do and sometimes you don’t? Then what’s the problem then? Sometimes I get up and sometimes I don’t. What is your thread about? You said they ask you to get up every few minutes, won’t relent, won’t get on with their morning without you, and you’re exhausted and hate it… now you’re saying sometimes you’ll get up and sometimes you won’t.

Following through with what? Telling off is a stern word, not a threat of consequence.

Rewards are well and good but there has to be a consequence

Rewards based encouragement is positive reinforcement to undesirable behaviour that is not misbehaviour. So, no I don’t think consequences are appropriate here having spoken to my twins about how they are feeling. Regardless, I haven’t set up a reward system for them so this is irrelevant.

you need to stop telling them off

How often have I told them off? Do you know?

Please stop trying to stick your oar in. Your experience of one four year old, whose bedroom is on the same floor to your living space is really out of context of the issues I have identified, so not helpful.

Why have you started the thread

To find out about similar aged children and set ups, which I have gained. I have also gained some ideas from posters who had some really useful things to say.

It’s not of interest to me whether you understand this or not.

now you’re saying sometimes you’ll get up and sometimes you won’t.

Because they ask regardless of me getting up or not. It doesn’t interest me whether you know what my threat is ‘about’ or not – that’s your issue.

You quoted my post so I responded. I’ll “stick my oar in” on any thread I like. You don’t have to respond directly to me if you don’t want to.

You’re the one who said you tell them off for it all the time and also that they ask every few minutes for you to get up until you relent. So…

”mummy get up”
”not right now, I’m quite tired still. You guys go play and I’ll be up soon”
”mummy get up”
”I’ve said that I’m a bit tired this morning so I’m having a rest and I’ll be up when I’m ready. Why don’t you play for half an hour and then I’ll get up”
”no get up mummy”
”I have told you I will be up in half an hour. Go find something to occupy you until then”
”get up mummy!”

And where from there?

That’s no problem. Carry on as you are with 8 year olds that say “jump” and you say “how high?”

But if you don’t want to engage with me I’d suggest not quoting my posts when I’m talking to others on the thread. If you want to quote me I’ll continue to respond directly.

You’re the one who said you tell them off for it all the time

Nope, I never said ‘all the time’. You’re fabricated that. Just like you’ve fabricated them ‘clinging to me’ or ‘dragging me out of bed’. Refrain from making things up to suit your narrative.

Ok…

”They’ve never abided by gro clocks”
“When I tell them to go back to their rooms they come out every 3 minutes to ask again”
“When I tell them to go downstairs without me they come up every 5 minutes complaining why I’m not coming”
“I really feel like they should be able to cope for an hour by themselves in the morning now”

What’s your point?

You said I’m fabricating that they are clingy and demanding and don’t listen to you telling them off. I’m responding to that. If it’s aggravating you, you don’t need to keep quoting me. I would be aggravated too if I was endlessly woken and pestered by children too so I understand why.

No I didn’t say that. I said you’re fabricating them ‘clinging to me’ and ‘dragging me out of bed’ and that I ‘tell them off all the time’ – all direct quotes from you and all of them inaccurate. Now you’re them rephrasing yet again.

And again ‘endlessly woken’. Nope – I’m not ‘endlessly woken’. In fact, I said upthread that I want to be woken when they wake up. To what aim do you repeatedly keep negatively exaggerating someone else’s words?

Stop exaggerating my experience with exacerbated language – it’s unhelpful. Stop pretending you have experience and insight in how to parent 7yr old twins – you don’t.

So many people have said useful things here that I’m going to take on board. Please accept that nothing you have said has been relevant or helpful.

The way you communicate must be a mystery then as my last post was all direct quotes from you that clearly say your kids don’t leave you alone when you ask them to, demand you get up by pestering you every 3 minutes, and don’t relent when told off. Your thread makes no sense. It’s either a problem for you or it isn’t. You said it drives you crazy 🤷🏻‍♀️ As it should. It’s not normal or acceptable behaviour from children past the age of 2.

If you don’t find what I’m saying helpful then it would make sense not to directly quote me when I’m responding to other posters. You’ve quoted me when talking to someone else and then continue to tediously drag on and on contradicting yourself.

I’ll leave you to your problem that isn’t a problem. I’d suggest not quoting me when I’m responding to other people next time as it’s clearly stressing you out.

The way you communicate must be a mystery then as my last post was all direct quotes from you.

Yep – after I told you to stop negatively paraphrasing everything I said.

It’s either a problem for you or it isn’t.

I haven’t said it isn’t. I’ve said your advice on it isn’t relevant or helpful. Other’s have been. You haven’t been.

It’s not normal or acceptable behaviour from children past the age of 2.

You wouldn’t know. You have one 4yr old and you are not a child behavioural expert.

If you don’t find what I’m saying helpful then it would make sense not to directly quote me

Or just take your ego out of the equation.

I’ll leave you to your problem

FINALLY! You get it. Hallelujah.