Do your young children get up in the morning without you?

[Didimum]

If so, how old are they? How long for? And what do they do?

I do natural consequence punishments, however, if you can't think of one, just take away something they like until they bloody well behave. They're 8, they don't need an immediate connected punishment to understand it, like a 3 year old would need. I can't believe you've let this go on for so long. Are you a wet lettuce or a mum?

Agree with this, I would have serious words with them when you do get up and tell them it's unacceptable. They can either stay in their warm beds and read or they can go downstairs, get breakfast and watch TV. I don't understand why you're accepting them not listening to you?

I agree. Also having no plans with a preschooler makes the weekend a lot harder, at least it does for us! But maybe these 4 year olds who don’t disturb their parents in the morning also don’t want to play with them 24/7 when at home 🤣

They are 7, not 8. As I’ve said numerous times on here, I don’t believe wanting a parent present with them in the morning is a misbehaviour, so we’ll have to agree to disagree on that.

Twins also have a significantly different dynamic with each other than normal siblings or singleton children, so that has been a big consideration for safety and parenting when they were little.

What’s ’accepting it’? I have described what happens when either DH or I does not get up.

Yes, that’s something to consider. One of them is not naturally an independent player at all. The other one is.

This sounds like my 7yo DD. This morning she came straight in after waking and was reluctant to find something to do on her own for 30 mins. DH thinks she comes in because she loves us and she won't want to do it forever so we should be happy with it. He's right, her 2 brothers sleep until midday but she's been waking us up for years and a lay in would be nice!

And you aren't giving any consequences for them not listening to you, but it seems like you don't want to. So I guess you just put up with it. I don't personally think 8 is too young to start teaching children about not being selfish and that other people, including their parents, have needs that don't always come second to their own

Surely this is why fruit shoots and Pop Tarts exist ? 😁

My eldest was taught to work the video player when he was about six, and he'd whack in PowerRangers and soak that up for an hour until he wanted toast.

I mean, not always PowerRangers. Sometimes Rosie and Jim. Or Thomas the Tank Engine. Or The Exorcist.

No, it’s not about not wanting to. It’s about not believing there is a direct and effective consequence for them for it. I also don’t believe it’s a misbehaviour. I believe it’s personality based and also developmental.

We can agree to disagree on that.

It’s also not about wanting to find a consequence, it’s about understanding other children in relation to the above. You can wish something was different while also thinking there is a limit to change currently.

As in post above, ‘selfish’ is a complex issue for children at this age, so I believe that’s also a limited route to go down. Again, we can agree to disagree on that.

Ah, I haven’t had a pop tart in years. Might just pick some up!

He’s never scared to come to us. He comes in for a long cuddle and then goes to play for a while so we can relax in bed. Sometimes he just goes to play without coming in as he’s excited and content to play with his toys. It’s a pleasant way to live. Everyone is very happy and secure.

Yes he’s 4 and already knows how to behave.

Years ago we had 3 under five and always got up when they woke and went down with them . We had friends with children of the same age but they used to lay in bed when the little ones got up and went downstairs. One morning mum and dad got up about 10.30 and the children had found a tin of green gloss paint and painted the kitchen and themselves with it !!
They had to take the kids to hospital to have the paint removed . They got up with the kids after that. This was the 70s . If it happened now I think social services would get involved .

So start modelling it for them. Or don't whinge that they won't go downstairs without you. You are doing nothing to try and teach them how to be more independent and considerate in the morning, so you shouldn't expect that from them

I didn’t ask you that. I asked you if you have one 4yr old only or if you have more than one and the 4yr old is the oldest.

Crikey!!

Did you miss the part where I said that DH and I don’t get up when they ask?

Ours don’t go downstairs but we have a snug type room upstairs with TV and some toys so they will get up and go into that (3 and 6) and amuse themselves. It’s glorious. But they are pretty well behaved kids, not the type to cause chaos!

You literally said "Plus when I do go with them they aren’t particularly bothered I’m there and just crack on. I’ve tried going back up to my room, but oh no – not acceptable!"

They are 7 nearly 8 and your children are telling you if you are allowed to go back up to bed or not!

My Dd Is 8 in Feb. Has been going downstairs on own at weekends for the last year. I think the pull of watching Netflix on her own is the appeal. I to insist she doesn’t get up until 8, otherwise she’d be watching telly at 5am 😂. Overnight oats or cereal she can make herself help. She seems to think it’s a treat, can you frame it as that? Set out a special breakfast with mini cereals etc?

I said ‘When I tell them to go back to their rooms til X time, they only come out every 3 minutes to ask again. When I tell them to go downstairs without me (they have access to everything they may need), they come up every 5 minutes complaining why I’m not coming.’

So no, you’re not describing the full picture.

But that's even worse - so you are teaching them that if they keep pestering and pestering they get what they want? If you are going to give in and go down best to do it after the first time in my opinion.

OP I don't know what you wanted from this thread, plenty of parents have said their younger kids are capable of going down by themselves..others have given you advice or how to start teaching your kids some independence and how to not be so selfish, but you argue back on everything. So carry on as you are OP 🤷

Yes special breakfasts might help. They are both quite set on their favourite breakfasts which they have every morning anyway (peanut butter and toast and pancakes). Will try to think of healthy things that they can both get themselves and feels special. They might like the mini box cereal n selection - I always liked those as a kid and they’ve not had those before.