Do your young children get up in the morning without you?

[Didimum]

If so, how old are they? How long for? And what do they do?

I will try that.

And the others on the thread who have said the same of their 4 and 5 year olds? Are we all neglecting our children for a lie-in?

Ridiculous.

We have no stairs and the rooms that shouldn’t be accessed are locked. Our child is perfectly safe, and yes we have parented in a way that he is independent enough to potter with his toys for an hour on some weekend mornings. It’s not exactly Guinness record breaking levels of independence. He’s not sweeping the chimney for us while we sleep.

Yep. 5 and 7 year olds get up and sit downstairs playing quietly or watching TV, sometimes for up to an hour. They’re very early risers. Occasionally 15 year old will be up with them too.

That’s not a problem.

Good point about it then being expected every morning... maybe you could keep a time limit in mind and reassess after trying it for a bit? Maybe the notes would be enough to coax them into feeling more comfortable and they'd forget about them after a while? These are my maybe unrealistically high hopes 😁

My son has been going downstairs on his own since he was about 6. It just got to the point where I couldn't do 5.30 every day. The first few days I had to insist that I hadn't finished my sleeping yet and he needed to let me do that. I'd set out a bowl of fruit the night before and give him the TV remote. Now he comes in and kisses me, trot off downstairs gets his breakfast and eventually if he is feeling kind brings me a cup of tea he is 9.

My eldest has always woken before me. The tv isn't allowed on or any screen, he will read or listen to a yoto in bed, or play quietly in his room. He is nearly 9 now and is allowed to go and make breakfast but knows he isn't allowed to use the hob to make porridge or pancakes until an adult is downstairs. He often has the batter made when i get down though 😂

I don't expect under 8s to occupy themselves for hours & hours unattended while adults lie in though - I'm up and about by half 7.

DD has been getting up on her own since she was about 6. Prior to that (4-6) she would wake up and come into bed with me and play games on her tablet whilst I dozed next to her. Since age 6 she will come downstairs and watch TV. There is a frequent risk she’ll eat something relatively unusual for breakfast (crisps, leftover pizza), but it’s no odder than the average student so I don’t sweat it on the weekend.

Eldest is nearly 6 and won’t go downstairs on his own at all. If TV was an option he might do, but that’s just not something we want to do, so we accept we have to get up with him. He’s welcome to lie in my bed which he will do and knows is the only option before 7am at the weekend. He pesters me to get up but I hold firm on that.

I suspect my toddler will be a lot happier to entertain himself earlier. He’s just a naturally more independent child. I think it’s largely personality driven.

You need to start teaching your children to stop being so selfish and listen to an instruction..it is selfish to wake people up when they have Ben told not too (unless there is an emergency). By telling them not to wake you up but there then being no consequences when they do is just teaching them they can do what they want. The fact they don't seem to actually want you downstairs, just want you to also be awake is even more selfish. I would 100% cancel plans if they can't follow a simple instruction at their ages

No, i always got up with mine (7.30ish then 8.30 as they got a bit older) now my teenager doesn’t get up until after 11 & my middle one 9.30/10 & my son 8.30/9 unless we need to be up for anything specific i leave them to it. I’ll get up about 9/9.30 & my son if he wakes earlier just plays or reads. If he woke when younger he’d read in bed. They’ve never gone downstairs without me.

You seem highly invested with talk of winning and losing arguments.

Well no. I said ‘you’ve lost your argument’ once. That’s a sentence. Not ‘highly invested’.

You haven’t given ‘several examples’. You’ve given two, once of which was a consequence of playing a Yoto too loudly, so that’s not relevant.

Cancelling plans is practical when it’s practical

Exactly – and this is why it’s ineffective. Because it’s inconsistent and only applicable on occasion.

Cancelling occasional playdates is still an adult-managed consequence. The child doesn’t experience a direct, logical result of waking you up, they experience that you decided something was cancelled because YOU are tired. You can explain it as cause-and-effect all you like, but it remains indirect and authority-driven. That’s the distinction you’re refusing to acknowledge –not a lack of ‘solutions’ on anyone else’s part. If you’d read my other comments you’d see I have responded to other solutions-based ideas.

He also knows if mummy or daddy need a nap in the middle of the day then we leave them to nap as a matter of kindness. What he receives in return only cements that we all look after each other.

A 4yr old not waking parents up isn’t acting out of ‘kindness’. That’s an adult interpretation layered onto a child’s behaviour. At that age, children are responding to patterns, expectations, and outcomes that directly affect them OR become they don’t care about it – not moral consideration for a parent’s need for rest. Calling that kindness is, frankly, projecting adult motives onto a child.

Mine started at about age 4. They’d get up and play or watch tv.

My 5 year old will get up by herself, go
to the toilet then play in her room or the living room. The 3 year old comes into our room when she gets up and won’t leave without one of us.

I thinks because there are two of them acting together they don’t accept things as readily as they bounce off each other’s impulses.

A delivered cup of tea sounds heavenly!

Loving the lashings of hyperbole from a
couple posters 🤣

Cancelling plans is by and large either not practical or not consistent enough as a natural consequence. It’s also not direct enough to be effective as it is primarily felt by the adult.

7-8yr olds aren’t choosing to be selfish, they’re developmentally wired to prioritise their own needs. Their brain systems for impulse control, perspective-taking and long-term impact are still immature, so self-interest comes first by default. Genuine, consistent consideration of others’ needs comes later and requires modelling and repetition, not moral expectation.

Yes, I do believe it’s personality driven.

I think you have some views of your children’s developmental stage that are running behind their actual abilities, which is probably why they can’t play alone for an hour of a morning and leave you in peace. Do your children have additional needs that mean they struggle with consequences that don’t happen immediately or when things aren’t the same every single day?

Wow i've seen some things on here but cancelling a play date because your 4 year old woke you up is up there with the strangest! A 4 year old going into their parents room when they wake up is just a natural thing surely? I'd be gutted at the thought of my young child sat in their room too scared to come into us incase plans get cancelled, Jesus

All this BS talk of natural consequences. Just parent them, you’re the parent, don’t let them run circles around you, honestly this is why schools are utter chaos now. They are 8 they should know better by now. You tell them when they’re allowed to go downstairs, and if they don’t want to go down on their own at that time it’s tough shit they stay quietly in their room. You need to build some authority, children need authority, hierarchy, they need to respect what you say goes.

No they’re no additional needs.

Do you have a 7 or 8yr old? It seems from your replies you have one four year old, or your 4yr old is the oldest sibling. Please correct me if that’s not the case.

They are 7, not 8.

They are very well behaved and adequately parented, with two parents who consistently apply consequences and expectations, and follow through with actions.

Regardless, their general behaviour or misbehaviour is not an issue. We can agree to disagree on whether wanting a parent to be with them in the morning is a misbehaviour, and one that has an effective consequence.

And yet you have 7 year olds that are still waking you up like they’re toddlers. That doesn’t sound like adequate parenting to me, but if you want to make your life harder than it needs to be, and not teach your children boundaries and respect, crack on.

Ooh dear. Someone’s rather grumpy.