Do your young children get up in the morning without you?

[Didimum]

If so, how old are they? How long for? And what do they do?

Mine have just started doing this, aged nearly 7 and nearly 9. Previously, I’d get up with them straight away just to say good morning/give a hug etc then maybe make a cuppa to take back upstairs but still be listening out. I definitely don’t sleep with young children awake, I like to be keeping an ear out for stuff.
Now, they come and knock to say hi anytime after 7am then I maybe come downstairs half an hour later, I’m awake though.

Op can you relocate to the couch and doze while they play? My almost 8 yr old will get a toy or book or after 7am his tablet and come lie in bed with us or if he wants to go downstairs will want someone with him. Mainly though just to BE there. He's not at all demanding, he'll do his own thing and I'll snuggle on the couch in a blanket with a cuppa. We also have a 4 yr old so it's fairly calm until she gets up (she's not really a morning person 😂 so she will sleep in until woken usually, didn't rise until 8.30 this morning. 9 yesterday)

My eldest has asn and get anxious, are your girls generally anxious? My 4 yr old I can imagine by 8 being happy to go downstairs herself etc. If they are both up mine will play in eldests bedroom happily enough and sometimes eldest will get them croissants and milk from the kitchen so I think it's more the company he needs than a parent specifically, so it's more unusual I suppose that your 2 don't get that with each other.

Have you talked to them about it? Asked what makes them not want to be alone?

Ds6 often gets up, dressed, goes to the loo and will go downstairs and get a drink on Saturday or Sunday at 7-am. Usually he’ll put cartoons on TV. We are always awake or half awake -and up half an hour later.

There’s no chance we’ll see eye to eye on this if you think it’s the same as being paralytic drunk. Most people on this thread have children seeing to themselves for an hour in the morning from age 4 or 5. It’s developmentally normal and appropriate. It is not neglect for parents to have an extra hour in bed of a weekend and for their children to occupy themselves for a while. Certainly not by age 8.

I'm not suggesting it's neglect to let a child who can do it and is happy to, go down by themselves and do for themselves. I'm suggesting these children are waking their mum because they are not ready at 8.

It doesn't need a consequence, it needs discussion and working out what the issue is and working from there. A child expecting you to simply be awake and present at 8 years old is not a ridiculous request.

I do accept my eldest has a sleep disorder requiring medication so I'm only starting to have sleeping through at almost 8 but now, getting up at 7 to sit with him and drink a cuppa under a blanket on the sofa while he occupies himself feels restful and fair enough way to start the day.

If you can’t tell me a connected, natural consequence to an example of behaviour then I’m afraid you’ve lost your argument! Why wouldn’t I ask you that if you say a natural consequence exists and I don’t believe it does.

Cancelling plans is in absolutely no way practical in day to day life. And cancelling plans because a parent is tired is an adult consequence, not one the child experiences in a clear or connected way. That’s exactly why unconnected consequences tend to be ineffective – they rely on authority rather than cause-and-effect the child can actually learn from.

A 2-year-old needs immediacy because of limited language and impulse control.
An 8-year-old still needs connection because their executive functioning is developing but not mature. They can grasp ‘this makes you tired’ yet that outcome is abstract, indirect, and emotionally distant from their action of waking a parent. The child doesn’t feel the cost – the parent does.

I also wasn’t asking for solutions. I was asking what other people’s children did at what age. Maybe I don’t think my children can change in this respect – that hasn’t got anything to do with posting.

Have a break from the thread if you’re weirdly annoyed, please. Thanks.

Mine didn’t until they were maybe 7 ish, they usually played in their bedrooms or might have gone downstairs and watch tv for a bit, but I’d have been awake in bed and able to hear them.
Usually I would just get up too though.
They’re 11 & 14 now so I’m almost always up before them!

They are 7, almost 8.

Yes since being about 4/5ish. But they go together so a bit more fun! I lay out their clothes and breakfast. So they get dressed including shoes, socks etc and eat breakfast whilst I get ready for work. They are late primary now but have done this since eldest was 5. Once they are ready they can turn on the TV. The TV motivation works well at getting ready quickly and means I don’t have the tediousness of constantly reminding them to get ready.

At the weekends, they just go downstairs and chill whilst we have a lie in. Generally we get to catch up on sleep and eat cooked brunch together, play a game. These routines are life savers as working parents without grandparents to do sleepovers etc.

I can’t imagine having to wake up early every day with an 8 plus year old. That sounds like a recipe for a very exhausted and snappy parent. My kids know I’m a much gentler, kinder mummy when I’ve had sleep and coffee!

I don’t think a child gets to 8 years old not being happy to entertain themselves for an hour in the morning without a reason. It’s not been dealt with at a younger age.

Consequences don’t have to be harsh. We only have fair consequences and we absolutely do talk about the reasons why and seek to understand what’s going on. We don’t just dish out constant punishment. Our family works as a team which means my 4 year old already understands that we all impact each other. If mummy and daddy aren’t rested, you don’t get the things you want because we’re tired and worn out. Goes for all behaviours. No drama or big telling off, just clear results for not coming and going with each other.

Oh I do try to bed down the couch, and even have couches in other rooms downstairs so I can be alone (they prefer to be in the living room). They absolutely don’t mind if I do that, but I want my warm and snuggly bed! 😂

I haven’t tried talking to them at another point in the day about it (only half awake while drooling when it happens), so I will try having a conversation with them. In the morning they say they are scared, but they are the same whether it’s light or dark, so it seems to be just not wanting to be alone. Perhaps they feel vulnerable while the adults are in bed.

They are boy/girl. Boy is not naturally anxious, the girl is. Girl is better at executive functioning than the boy. Both are lazy in the morning!

I wouldn't let my 5 and 3 year old go downstairs alone whilst me and DH were asleep.

Knowing not to mess with the oven etc. isn't the same thing as having the ability to reliably ignore their impulses 100% of the time.

They do play upstairs for a bit some mornings, or will bring books into our bed.

Yes and it’s amazing. It’s like the next part of my life has begun.
8 and 11. 11 year old will get breakfast for both then they do their own things.

DS is 7. Since late age 5 he has got up and put the TV on at 6. After 7am he is allowed to play a game.

I guess the direct natural consequences is that you are pissed off with them and too tired and grumpy to interact with them. But if they're anything like my kid, that won't stop them being persistent 😂

Could you try doing things like leaving little notes for them to find downstairs? Like one saying 'good morning!' or 'there is X, Y, Z for breakfast in the cupboard' etc? That way your presence is still felt and you can sleep for an extra hour or whatever.

I find a conversation when calm at an unrelated time can be really helpful to resolve things when you have an anxious one. My son does really well with a car chat so I'll often save up a topic for alone car journeys here and there.

My DH said last night that he was a very early riser too as a kid, so it’s probably genetic. He said he remembers getting up and watching Italian football on the TV as it was the only thing on.

I asked what time in the morning and how old were you? He said about 5-6am and he was 11yrs old 😭😭😭

Does it need dealt with at an earlier age? Loads of reasons a child can be anxious without a parent there, kids are allowed to find something hard surely? These are kids op describes as being able to function well physically so she's taught them everything well. What she wants is a considered way of helping them be downstairs without her. Are you a parent?

If you think a 4 yr old should be routinely left to their own devices while you lie in we don't see eye to eye and won't.

It’s not been dealt with at a younger age.

Twins have a significantly different dynamic than usual siblings. It’s often not a safe choice for younger twin children.

My husband is a terrible insomniac and sleeper and my kids have been bad sleepers, eldest pathologically bad at sleeping. Husbands mum tells a story about going to GP begging for something to make my husband sleep as a baby.

My 8 and 5 year old come into us and ask if they can go downstairs. They are allowed to play/watch tv but no tablets/switch and they dont get their own food. At 8 they should defo be able to be downstairs without you!

It's not a safe choice for a lot of children to go downstairs alone at 4 while a parent sleeps. This poster is clearly either dealing with a very independent 4 yr old or is very happy to risk her child's well-being for a lie in

I’m not annoyed in the slightest. I’m responding to a thread that I want to respond to. You seem highly invested with talk of winning and losing arguments. I won’t give you a consequence (although I already have given examples) because there isn’t one single consequence for all children. If I did give you another example you would simply say it doesn’t work for you and nothing works for your children.

You’re the parent, you figure out how to get them to be more independent. I’ve already sorted that out for my child so it’s not an issue for me.

Cancelling plans is practical when it’s practical. I’ve explained I will call off play dates if I’m too tired because I don’t get time to myself and to rest. How is this an adult consequence that the child doesn’t experience? It’s clear cause and effect that even my 4 year old understands. There’s no authority, just me clearly explaining what will happen. I’m not having more kids round to my house when I’m knackered. This doesn’t need to happen for us because in the bigger picture of our parenting, there have been enough obvious consequences to things for him to learn that we all have to help each other out or nice things can’t happen. He wouldn’t dream of waking us up and “insisting” we get up, because that simply doesn’t happen in our house. He also knows if mummy or daddy need a nap in the middle of the day then we leave them to nap as a matter of kindness. What he receives in return only cements that we all look after each other. That parents are people in their own right who get tired and are not just a big living toy to entertain him.

Why do you keep asking me to provide a one-size fits all consequence if you’re not looking for solutions?

Oh they definitely don’t care if I’m grumpy 😂

The idea of the notes is fun. But will they expect it every morning and will the novelty wear off? 🤔