Partner doesn’t want me to set my alarm earlier than his

[Daisychain67]

We have an 8yo, and as he sets off for work at around 7.30, I get her ready for school.
She and I both have ADHD and mild autism and it can be quite hectic in the morning as she struggles to get herself dressed and can’t stay still and we end up all over the house when I’m getting her dressed, brushing teeth and hair etc. this can take up to an hour, plus I have to get myself ready and often forget things in the panic.

My partner moved in around 4 years ago and since then he has told me he doesn’t want me setting my alarm before his alarm. He sets his for 7am.

As I have ADHD, I struggle to sleep and struggle to wake up, so have to set 2 alarms in the morning to make sure I’m awake. I have been setting my alarm for 7am and 7:15am, but I have explained to him that I am struggling to get the both of us ready on time for school and we are at least 10 mins late every single day.

I have asked him if I can set my alarm for 6.30am as I want to get up before I wake our daughter so that I can half an hour to get myself ready. He has said he doesn’t want me to do this as I will wake him up and he won’t be able to get back to sleep. He has previously moved out for a few weeks before because I set my alarm and woke him up.

Is he being unreasonable or would you be annoyed if you were in his position? I will feel bad for waking him up but do not want to keep being late for school and rushing around

He has previously moved out for a few weeks before because I set my alarm and woke him up

He can move back out again. It's pathetic.
He needs to leave for work at 7.30 am so getting up/being woken up at 6.30 am is not unreasonable. Why can't he get up at 6.30 and actually help get his own child ready for school or make breakfast for you all or whatever?

Set your alarm for 6.30 and if he doesn't like it, tough. But I think if you set it for 6.30 you do need to get up then and not keep pressing snooze or having several alarms set because that is a bit annoying for a partner.

He does have to be up. He leaves the house at 7.30

6.30 isn’t early if you have kids. That’s just a normal time

It’s even worse mate. He’s the dad. Not some random partner

As an alternative, would he be more supportive with the morning routine, so that you’re not so rushed?

Quite. Sounds like the little girl is her mother’s child, and her responsibility, as far as he is concerned.
Dare we ask whether the morning routine is reversed in the evenings at least, and once he is home from work he sees she’s fed and watered, and does any homework, has a bath and is in bed at the appropriate time, clothes/uniform laid out ready for the morning?
Is he leaving everything up to OP in the A.M. on account of the child’s fidgety behaviour?
She says she can easily forget important stuff in these hectic mornings, so ought he not spend a little time in the evening making sure everything is prepared and to hand for OP next day?
Make up any sarnies or lunchbox, pack the girl’s backpack, lay the breakfast table and have mugs out by the kettle, and so forth.
Eliminating possibilities for panic stations or oversight, as a responsible and caring father and partner.

You don't ask what time you're allowed to set your alarm, you simply set your alarm for the time you needs it to go off.
Red flags & controlling behaviour!
He is your child's father and if you're struggling in the mornings he should be supporting you with that not just thinking about himself.
Does he actually contribute anything positive to family life? Or is it time he moved out?