DH told me “there’s no point in crying” after seizure

[Likelysmike]

I’ve had repeated seizures over the last 2 weeks. I’ve never had them before and I’m frightened.

i was in hospital for 2 days just before Christmas but wanted to go and see my mum on Christmas Eve. When I got there I was crying and he said “what’s the point in crying?” In front of my family.

I had another seizure Christmas Day and he told me that I just needed fresh air and to eat something and that I needed to “want” to get well

Had a further seizure 29th December and was in A&E. I was sitting there sobbing whilst he was on his phone. When he saw me he said “what are you crying for?” When I said I didn’t feel well he said “there’s no point in crying” and “stay positive”

hes just said his “life has been on pause for 2 weeks because of your illness”. Then he was saying he’s not allowed to be tired or complain about his cold because my seizures “are the main talking point”. He said “the world doesn’t stop because you might have epilepsy”

aibu to reconsider my marriage? Am I being OTT or is this entirely heartless from DH?

I’d want either a stunningly impressive explanation for his attitude and behaviour, or a divorce.

Edit - I had a single seizure, out of the blue, about 14 years ago and if I so much as sneeze DH is ready to look after me.

I honestly wish I could give you a hug. Of course the seizures are terrifying and upsetting. It could be because he doesn't know how to handle your illness, but that's no excuse for being awful to you.

That's awful, I'm so sorry. Do you think he could be worried and not know how to deal with it? No excuse,but could be his way of reacting and dealing with it. He needs to man up though.
To give you a positive, I struggled with seizures for around a year at 19/20. They started suddenly, then stopped. I've had maybe three more since then, and I'm 48. They seem to happen when I'm run down, I can feel when they're about to happen now, I'm not on medication, still drive, as they only happen at night. Nobody ever got to the cause of it, but I've heard of others where the same thing happened.
Ignore him for now, use your family for support, and try to trust in the doctors..I did go on medication for about 6 months, but after a while I stopped and didn't have one for about 15 years. They were horrific though, grand mal seizures, injured myself a lot, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Others around me are petrified when It happens, I go blue and I'm out for what feels like ages, to me and them. My partner witnessed one, and I know he really struggled. However he had nothing but support, your dh is being a dick.

It’s extremely heartless. It doesn’t sound like he is coping with your possible diagnosis but he is being unduly unkind and that is not a good sign for your future relationship. Depending on whether you have children together, I would start to make plans to leave.

So sorry, he sounds heartless. I would b3 reconsidering in your shoes too. I was hospitalised following a long out-of the blue clonic-tonic seizure several years ago and it was a scary time, I had gaps in my memory, was in and out of consciousness for a few days and unsure what the future would hold. Thankfully my DH was amazing and supportive and he and extended family rallied round. I'm sorry yours is being so self-centred and mean. Is it out of character for him? Could he be trying to play down your seizure because he's frightened but in denial?

Christ he sounds as sympathetic as my husband. Prick

Crying is an outlet for you. Tell him that and cry when you want to.

Take deep breaths and a soothing drink.

He sounds awful, my dd had seizures and it’s scary. He’s likely worried about the future impact but that does not excuse his appalling behaviour

Please do reconsider being married to this selfish man-child who is feeling all bent out of shape that your unexplained seizures are preventing him from getting the sympathy he deserves for feeling a little bit tired...the poor lamb! What a prize idiot he is.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this seizures can be really scary and undoubtedly you will be worried about why they are happening. I hope you get some answer soon and that will lead to some treatment and a bit more certainty for you.

I was diagnosed with a life-long condition about 15 years ago. My husband hasn’t got one ounce of empathy (for anyone, not just me). I wish I had left him the first time he minimised my illness and the pain and fatigue is causes him daily. You deserve to be with someone who cares for you when you are ill.

He wants to complain about a cold but can't because of your seizures?!

What a Prince amongst men 🙄

I would say “I’ve just had a seizure you utter dick I think your manflu can take a back seat”

Seizures can have predome and post postdome symptoms,they can seriously affect your mood, as its affecting your brain chemistry. And that is without the worry you have because this is all new to you.

He's been very unsympathetic and he needs to be educated on how this illness is effecting you. Has he always been this heartless if you have been ill before?

Christ what an arsehole. LTB, please.

Best case scenario - he’s not coping well seeing you unwell and reacting inappropriately to cover his discomfort/distress
Worst case scenario - he doesn’t like the attention you’re getting and is being cruel and unsupportive because of this

For what it’s worth my DH has had two major seizures related to his brain tumour, I wasn’t there for either one but was out of my mind with worry and my only priority was to try and make things as easy as possible for him and look after him.

I am so sorry you are going through this, you must be emotionally and physically exhausted. Sending love and hugs.

Awful man. Treating you like a domestic appliance that has malfunctioned.

That is absolutely awful of him. I am so sorry, OP. And when you have so much stress around your health already - it's horribly and cruely selfish.

I am very sure it's been stressful and nasty for him too, but blaming you and taking it out on you like that is really not ok. Accepting serious ill health in a partner is a difficult and upsetting thing to process but this is really not an acceptable way of dealing with it.

My DP has unstable epilepsy, it started suddenly and with no explanation. It is difficult when he's having seizures and I'm ill or stressed or depressed. He does have to be the focus and the one that's cared for, even when I feel heinous and just want to be looked after and loved myself and that isn't easy. His illness has been very difficult on me to tbh, but vastly differently so than for him. And it's difficult for me, but not dangerous and damaging like it is for him. He had some rare complications and has needed ongoing care as a result (I'm sure this won't happen to you; you're looking after yourself all you can and my DP did quite the opposite...) and my life is fucking hard now. But I would never blame him for that or make him feel lesser for it. For every bit of my life that's been affected, his has too and he didn't choose it and doesn't want it either. Life is unlucky sometimes; you need to be each other's strongest supporter when it gets tough. I'm really sorry he's letting you down and being a selfish tosser when you need him most.

I hope you get some meds sorted soon that are working for you and you can begin to get a bit of control over your situation.

Sounds like my ex. Whenever I was ill, I was an inconvenience to him. I left eventually.

im sorry youre going through that. seizures are terrifying. i had a few when younger. i hope you can find the cause and fix it.

as for dh…. well. what an utter prick. He has no empathy sympathy or understanding at all. His fuck buddy 2000 is broken and hes not happy. It’s clearly all about him. How very dare you break down as it affects him and his life and his plans.

What a bastard. You deserve so much better. Youre ill.

Kick him to fuck once you are feeling better. It’s normal to cry when you are scared. It’s normal to be scared when your body does things you cannot control and don’t understand. He should know this.

I couldn’t get past his attitude. You can do better than the likes of that arse. Im angry for you. And i hope you get better soon as it’s horrible ❤️‍🩹

He’s a prize dick OP. I’ve had seizures and it’s unpleasant. First two times it happened H called no one - not even OOH gp. He didn’t fully explain to me what had happened either so I wasn’t aware. Third time it happened it wasn’t stopping so he called 999 and when paramedics came out and I was coming round I heard him saying it had happened before and they gave him a right talking to. He’s been better since, but he had the empathy of a goldfish unless there’s an audience and he needs to put on a show of being a nice person.

Im leaving him because I don’t want to be with a shitbag like that. If you can do it I’d suggest you go for it. We’re similar in age and there’s a lot of life left to live and you deserve better than a sulky man baby.

You poor thing - what a frightening time for you. Seizures are incredibly scary to experience - especially when you don't know the cause. They can also leave you completely emotionally deregulated - no wonder you're emotional.

Your DH has either had a temporary empathy bypass as the result of shock (seizures, especially tonic clonic, can be really shocking to witness) or he's showing his true colours. Has he got form for being a selfish man-child?

I hope you’re okay, OP. I have epilepsy, and another commenter was right - having seizures changes your brain chemistry temporarily and therefore your mood. Crying, depression etc. can be normal. Some seizures, depending on where in the brain they originate, can produce different emotions as part of the seizure activity.

Your OH could be trying to minimise because he’s overwhelmed with what’s going on, but tbh that’s a terrible excuse for what he’s saying. I would be having a serious conversation with him about how his words are hitting and request he shape up.

Today DC5 was playing and I was on the couch. DH fell asleep for 3 hours and I had to entertain DC, which is fine but I’m just out of hospital. DH woke up and said he was tired and I said I was struggling to play with DC… he stormed out the house and said I need to get on with it

He’s an absolute arsehole.

I'm so sorry that you are poorly and so sorry your husband is such a twat. He's behaving appallingly. When you feel a bit better have a serious think about whether you want to be with him anymore. Life throws up all sorts of trials and tribulations and your partner should always have your back.