DH told me “there’s no point in crying” after seizure

[Likelysmike]

I’ve had repeated seizures over the last 2 weeks. I’ve never had them before and I’m frightened.

i was in hospital for 2 days just before Christmas but wanted to go and see my mum on Christmas Eve. When I got there I was crying and he said “what’s the point in crying?” In front of my family.

I had another seizure Christmas Day and he told me that I just needed fresh air and to eat something and that I needed to “want” to get well

Had a further seizure 29th December and was in A&E. I was sitting there sobbing whilst he was on his phone. When he saw me he said “what are you crying for?” When I said I didn’t feel well he said “there’s no point in crying” and “stay positive”

hes just said his “life has been on pause for 2 weeks because of your illness”. Then he was saying he’s not allowed to be tired or complain about his cold because my seizures “are the main talking point”. He said “the world doesn’t stop because you might have epilepsy”

aibu to reconsider my marriage? Am I being OTT or is this entirely heartless from DH?

Time to get your ducks in a row.

This is really horrible OP, it’s awful behold him and you don’t have to have it in your life. So sorry you’re going through this but he is being a total cunt to you in your time of need. It’s not good enough.

Is he normally like this?

Ugh. He’s vile. Reminds me of my ex husband.

What a total prick

I’m sorry, but he’s just an awful human being. Your situation is clearly an inconvenience to him, he can’t be centre stage anymore.

My adult dc had a number of seizures out of the blue a couple of years ago. They stopped without medication but their diagnosed epilepsy is now completely under control via medication. They are well & living their life as before.

Despite the above, as a family we are all aware of their condition and when necessary it takes precedence (it’s sleep related).

You need somebody with you who cares & who can put you first. You certainly don’t need an immature, selfish baby belittling you at every opportunity.

Your arsehole husband has just shown you who he is.
Contact your parents and tell them.
Do not rely on him.
I find it very hard to believe this is his first outing as an arsehole, but it is possible that it has never been so clear.
How many children have you?
Never ever consider any more with him.
IMO your marriage is over.
Your illness is now an inconvenience.
Get your ducks in a row and tell friends and family.
He is likely to become increasingly abusive.
It is not uncommon sadly.

On the one hand, you’re having these seizures which sound very scary, and mentally quite draining from the worry of the unknown.
On the other hand, your DH is providing excellent clarity as to the type of person he really is. This may all be a blessing - some women waste an entire lifetime with someone before they see what a jerk they are.
I’d say keep focusing on yourself where possible and get a firm diagnosis with meds etc under control. Your DH strikes me as the type that will tell people the divorce came out of nowhere anyway, so you may aswell take your time.

Seizures can be life's shattering. They came out of the blue for me. Within months, I had lost my driving licence, was scared for the future and now am on medicine for the foreseeable future.
I've needed CBT to help get me through what is a very tough time. So yes, he's absolutely Unreasonable and selfish.
Tell him to do a bit of research and have some empathy...
It's a hard time initially, but you will get there, promise x

Wow, just wow. What the hell have I just read...Your pathetic excuse of a human you call a husband needs to be got rid of.

Oh no! Do you have enough support from other family members in order to be able to risk him throwing his toys out of the pram permanently if you refuse to accommodate his extreme self-centredness?

Sorry but why are you with him? He's selfish, heartless and doesn't care about you.
My DD started having seizures last year and she has cried after episodes because it's bloody scary (it's scary for me so it's about a million times worse for her). I can't understand why you're with him.
Can you take the kids and go to your mum's? I do really feel for you but I think life might be easier without your husband.

Utterly bizarre behaviour. Does he have form for being this uncaring and insensitive, or has it come out of the blue?

It sounds like he's been used to you doing everything and acting like a man-child himself and now your illness is an inconvenience to him. Sounds like an awful partner. I'm sorry OP!

LTB. In a crisis people show their true colours. He sounds awfully. So sorry. 💐

What's the point of him - genuinely - if this is how he is to you (and your child) when you're unwell and frightened? What's the point of being with someone who can't do the absolute basics when it comes to being a partner? Leave him.

OP I’ve read all your posts including this latest one.

I don’t wish to upset you further but I don’t think this man loves you anymore.

Many men are cowards and stay in unhappy marriages for several reasons- not wanting to lose money in a divorce, social pressure to not break up a family unit, can’t be bothered to break a habit and go it alone etc… And what usually happens in this situation is their resentment builds up and shows itself in this form. He wouldn’t be so heartless towards you if he felt any kind of love or affection towards you.

Men like this don’t deserve a wife who loves them. I wish so many women didn’t stay in marriages where it’s clear the husbands detest them.

Has he always been such a dickhead? Or only recently since your seizures? Hope you recover fully and then sort him out

It's not unusual for men to show their true selves the moment their partner gets seriously ill. E.g. women with cancer have a higher divorce rate.

Crying is acceptable. Do start bring a friend to A&E/appointments if possible as no doubt they'll be more supportive, make him do childcare.

It doesn't sound good OP. Maybe time to start weighing up your options?

My god. That's brutal. ( and I'm from the onwards and upwards school of thought)

For what it's worth, man here and I agree that your DH needs to come home and find the door locked, locks changed, and a bag with a change of pants and socks on the doorstep.

You can do better. You owe that to yourself and your
DCs.

I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say maybe he’s really struggling with how scared he is and so he’s lashing out because he doesn’t want to face it. It’s still possible, but your update isn’t promising. Is he usually like this or is this out of character?

Are they epileptic or non-epileptic seizures ?

To answer your question, yes, you very much need to reconsider your marriage.

You can not stay in this one.

I’m sorry to say that this man probably doesn’t even like you, let alone love you. You deserve so much better x