DH told me “there’s no point in crying” after seizure

[Likelysmike]

I’ve had repeated seizures over the last 2 weeks. I’ve never had them before and I’m frightened.

i was in hospital for 2 days just before Christmas but wanted to go and see my mum on Christmas Eve. When I got there I was crying and he said “what’s the point in crying?” In front of my family.

I had another seizure Christmas Day and he told me that I just needed fresh air and to eat something and that I needed to “want” to get well

Had a further seizure 29th December and was in A&E. I was sitting there sobbing whilst he was on his phone. When he saw me he said “what are you crying for?” When I said I didn’t feel well he said “there’s no point in crying” and “stay positive”

hes just said his “life has been on pause for 2 weeks because of your illness”. Then he was saying he’s not allowed to be tired or complain about his cold because my seizures “are the main talking point”. He said “the world doesn’t stop because you might have epilepsy”

aibu to reconsider my marriage? Am I being OTT or is this entirely heartless from DH?

That’s not being practical - you don’t need to be practical, that’s what doctors are for. Your job is to be kind and supportive, as it sounds like your husband is to you.

Awful behaviour - he’s left you alone with your child when he knows you’ve been having seizures and with no way to contact him. I’d suggest checking his phone if it won’t add to your stress. Best to be prepared.

Lock the house up and go to bed

I’ve been on MN for long enough to realise that there is a subset of husband who cannot manage when his wife is unwell and/or incapacitated. They need to be the ones who are cared for and can’t step up to be the carers.

Do you know where he has gone at this time?

Well, there is that option!

Sadly I think you’ve got to question how much he really loves you (if at all).
He’s left you upset, frightened and alone with possible seizures and you’ve got a child in the house - what an utter plank he is.
You might as well do without him altogether if it makes your life better.

I'm not normally one to say "LTB", but... please LTB.

Sadly OP, I have read many threads over my years on MN which are almost identical to yours. Wife gets ill/injured, instead of being supportive husband turns into (or maybe just reveals that he always was?) a massive uncaring wanker whose main concern about his wife's illness is how inconvenient he finds it all. Not only does he not step up to the plate, if anything, he does even less than before the illness; effectively punishing his wife for being ill. Massive wanker.

What does this tell you about your husband? Well, it tells you that deep down he does not consider you his equal. No, you are barely human; you are his domestic appliance, the all-singing, all-dancing kitchen (and bedroom) appliance. Your purpose is to cook and clean and tend his children, and your illness means that his appliance is broken and his needs/wants/whims are not being given the full attention they deserve. (In his eyes.)

You asked in your OP "aibu to reconsider my marriage? Am I being OTT or is this entirely heartless from DH?"
I'd be reconsidering it. Those vows I took definitely included 'in sickness and in health', and he is not upholding his end of the marriage contract. You are not being OTT, his behaviour is well beyond heartless and has fully edged into cruel.

Being practical doesn’t mean void of empathy.

I’m convinced people like you respond with “what’s the point of crying” to their crying spouses because it makes them feel more superior. Helps that they also have that reassurance knowing their crying partner gives more support and patience to them.

I bet if they didn’t have that leverage they’d be more tactful with their words.

Huge hugs from me, OP. I've got a medication induced neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia that was caused by some prescribed off label antipsychotic.

Neurological conditions are awful, quire soul destroying and scary. Having had mine now for a decade, I have had varying degrees of sympathy and empathy over the years from both my DH and my mum (my dad is more understanding). Doctors can be pretty cold too. I have more empathy and understanding from Facebook support groups than my family at times.

You deserve a huge hug, lots of understanding and a husband who is kind, not a man who dismissed your feelings so harshly.

You're doing brilliantly. Lots of love from another friend with a brain condition. ❤️🥰❤️

He is not a "D"H or a "D" anything else. He is a fucking self centred selfish irresponsible arsehole and a waste of space. I cannot believe he left you with a small child knowing you could be at risk of another seizure and both of you being in danger.

You can do far better than this so yes I would be reconsidering the relationship pretty urgently and looking elsewhere for support.

So sorry you are going through this. It must be pretty scary.

Ugh what a dickhead.

I mean this could really be something serious (hopefully not). Have you had an MRI or been given an answer as to why? Until you get answers (and after!) he should be very worried and trying to keep you as stress free as possible.

He's doing the opposite. It's pathetic behaviour.

I wouldn't be this unsympathetic to a stranger let alone a spouse.
OP you must be so scared and instead of support and sympathy you are being treated as an inconvenience.
He needs to change his attitude immediately but unfortunately it sounds as if what you are seeing is his innate selfishness.

Oh gosh, OP! Why do you even need to ask!? Have you asked him why he resents you being ill!? That's what it sounds like- Resentment.

Don't waste anymore energy on him! You need all the strength you need to get better. You deserve to get better and to be treated like a human-being.

His life on hold? Had to mind the kid… Thought so!

You read my mind!
Yip the appliance is on the blink.
I don't get how people can show such disdain for a significant other.

I remember my mum saying we can "get back to some normality" after my head injury and post concussion syndrome symptoms that were so severe they eventually gave me a breakdown 😢

Sometimes people just dont know how to react, so say things that really don't help at all. I felt dreadful after my mum said that - it's not as though people who are unwell do it deliberately to inconvenience others! 😳

Get rid of this cunt!

He’s probably caused them with the stress you’ve had over the years being married to him.

My DC13 has uncontrolled epilepsy. His life, and ours, has been massively affected by it. I am there to love & care for him every step of the way, not to belittle him or make him feel bad for how it affects me! My God, what a Prince of men you married. Sending 💜.
.

Your poor thing.

Please leave this man now, let alone decide whether to marry him.

He sounds horrible.

He's insane.

He's really insane.

This....

Run