DH told me “there’s no point in crying” after seizure

[Likelysmike]

I’ve had repeated seizures over the last 2 weeks. I’ve never had them before and I’m frightened.

i was in hospital for 2 days just before Christmas but wanted to go and see my mum on Christmas Eve. When I got there I was crying and he said “what’s the point in crying?” In front of my family.

I had another seizure Christmas Day and he told me that I just needed fresh air and to eat something and that I needed to “want” to get well

Had a further seizure 29th December and was in A&E. I was sitting there sobbing whilst he was on his phone. When he saw me he said “what are you crying for?” When I said I didn’t feel well he said “there’s no point in crying” and “stay positive”

hes just said his “life has been on pause for 2 weeks because of your illness”. Then he was saying he’s not allowed to be tired or complain about his cold because my seizures “are the main talking point”. He said “the world doesn’t stop because you might have epilepsy”

aibu to reconsider my marriage? Am I being OTT or is this entirely heartless from DH?

He’s a shit. Kick him out and lean on your family. So sorry to hear you’re poorly. Wishing you a quick recovery. When I had a sudden unexplained health issue I was terrified and I totally understand how you must be feeling. I have a friend who has unexplained seizures and it’s incredibly stressful; not just the seizures themselves but the lack of understanding the cause and search for treatment. She has found eating a very simple diet has helped - suspected neural issue. Hugs to you xxxx

Wow. What a grade A arse. What an ego. You do not need this poor excuse for a man in your life. I hope that you get the medical support you need, and from somewhere else, the emotional support you also need to help you cope. Sending hugs 💕

Who's the 2% of doormats saying YABU!

Unforgivable from him IMO.
If you are ill you need less stress on your life, not having a twat like that on it seems an excellent place to start.

So sorry for what you’ve been through. He is being absolutely awful and very mean to be honest. Of course you’re scared, it’s quite a significant health thing to be suddenly dealing with, he should be concerned too and allowing you to put your feet up while he pulls his weight. He is acting like a man child and I could not be with somebody like this. You deserve so much more. Has he ever been like this about other things or is it totally out of the blue? Just seems so odd to respond like this.

I think, just from a self preservation perspective, that it's over - you need to look after yourself first and your son - those are your priorities. Your husband sounds like a a third child, rather than your partner. He should be stepping up right now, however much his cold is affecting him. Him leaving yesterday in a temper tantrum (no phone either, what a deliberately childish thing to do) is, to me, so telling. It doesn't feel like this is a partnership of equals but rather a partnership where you're his mum alot of the time, then his child minder, cook, bottle washer and someone he gets to have sex with too. All a bit toxic tbh. And frankly..... What value is he bringing to you? You can hire a baby sitter or get your parents in to look after your son (for that bit). What's he actually adding to your life? He hasn't stepped up in the hard times. So telling imo. I'm not sure this bloke is worth having around anymore. You've got to do everything you can to get better and your son is your priority. It doesn't feel like your partner l/husband has the emotional intelligence or is invested in you or character capabilities to step up in your hour of need. For me I'd question why he gets the honour of being with you. Good luck.

I’m so sorry. We’re there no previous clues that he was a totally selfish Wankbadger?

I really hope your health improves quickly and that there is a solution to the seizures. Of course he’s a huge disappointment. No, I couldn’t see him the same way again.

Lean on your friends and parents and deal with him when you are feeling stronger. 💐

I bet he's one of those men that always has to be the most ill and will always come down with something if you do. The attention is understandably on your illness and he can't deal with it.

Is it his sister who is staying with you?

What a heartless piece of absolute shit. This is the most definite LTB situation I've read on here in a long time. I'm so sorry xx

Christ almighty, what an utter wanker. I’m so sorry op. I have a disability and at the first sign of a flare up, DH drops everything and mobilises to do whatever he needs to to help me. That’s what decent people do. Get rid of this useless twat asap.

I can’t remember what the stat is - but it is a fact that when men get ill, the majority of women stay and look after them. But when women get ill, men are 6x more likely to leave rather than stay and care.

Your husband sounds like a heartless cunt. I rarely ever use that word. My husband can’t do enough for me if I’m ill, and I’m talking about colds, nevermind seizures, he’s brilliant. Bin him, he doesn’t deserve you if he can’t put you first during such a frightening time.

Replace seizures with the illness I had and I could have written this word for word. My ex was most put out that when he bumped into my family all they wanted to talk about was how I was coping...

It did not get better and I stopped looking after myself because I didn't feel I could be honest about how I was feeling. Illness is hard but it's no excuse for being heartless. Leave him and show yourself you are deserving of love.

Fucking hell. At least you have found out who he really is. You need to get rid of him because he is putting your children at risk. You need someone with you to protect you and the children and that person needs to be reliable. Can you and the kids move in with your mum until you get some medical answers?

He's an absolute bastard. He has shown you witho ur a doubt that if you continue to be ill - or if one day, god forbid, you were to get cancer or another serious illness - he won't be there to support you. A lot of men leave their wives after a serious health diagnosis and he has shown how he's one of them.

I'm so sorry OP - the callousness of him saying he hasn't had enough attention for his cold because the focus has been on your seizures is actually breathtaking. You've had far more kindness and support from strangers on this thread than from your own husband. He should be absolutely ashamed for how badly he has let you down.

Yanbu what an arse! My husband would be terrified right alongside me. I hope you get the answers for why this is happening soon OP.

What a selfish prick. I have cancer, had to go cold turkey on HRT, and am grumpy, tearful, and terrified. I just snapped at DH for no reason and in response he brought me tea and toast in bed. That’s marriage, you take the rough with the smooth, in sickness and in health.

I hope they get to the bottom of your seizures soon and can treat them.

What a callous man. Is he usually like that?

Is this out of character for him?

I feel so angry for you. Even if he is terrified, he needs to talk to someone else about that but focus on you for now. He sounds incredibly selfish and mean. I am sorry x

Bless you. Get your ducks in a row, OP. Hope you can get some support in the short term and best of luck - it sounds like you are going to be much better off without him.

I'm so sorry you have found out how useless your husband is when you most need him.

You may have a plan for your kids when you have a seizure but do you get enough advance notice to know its about to happen and get support in or do you come round having had one? There is a big difference and your husband should be bridging the gap because if he can't support you and your children at the very scariest of times, then he is a waste of space as a father and a husband.

One might argue that if you had a rocky marriage his behaviour to you is a symptom of that (and only you know if this is true) but that does not excuse his behaviour to his children.

I think he is coasting and as long as you have historically picked up the slack and handled the day to day stuff he is fine, but when you are ill and are unable to do this, he just isn't capable, nor does he want to step up and its this stepping up part that is the issue for me.

I am in the midst of a very scary and unexpected health issue myself and my husband did step up, he found it hard and it didn't come naturally in certain areas, he had to be prompted but he was aware he needed to prioritise me and pick up the slack. He judged himself as failing, he wasn't but he never ran away or minimised my situation physically or emotionally. Ask your self if this is your husband and if the answer is no..... he needs a firm talking to about how he needs to step up and if he will not, then he needs to go.

I don't say that likely and I am sending you big hugs as you ar ein a scary situation and need support and tlc.

It’s exactly times like these when partners should be there, supporting you and providing comfort, if not then what is the point?

Is he generally as selfish and lacking in empathy or kindness, @Likelysmike ? Or has this behaviour come out of the blue?

You say that SIL is staying with you. Has she witnessed his behaviour to you? What's her reaction?

Sorry to hear this, the seizures sound so scary! Reading your post, your husband sounds like a villain in a story - totally unacceptable behaviour from him!