to ask my mum to take the kids to hers for a few hours

[LaylaSun77]

I asked my mum to take my 2 boys for a few hours as I am accompanying a friend to hospital to receive scan results (hospital is near her home). My mum said that she is "very particular about her house" and would prefer they didn't come but she would have them at my house. My boys are never asked to my mums house, my youngest child (age 3) thought she lived in a leisure centre because that's where we meet her and he hadn't ever been to her house. My oldest child has been to see her once in the past 4 or 5 years She always prefers to come to me. I have more room than she does and all their toys are at home etc so she finds it easier to visit them there and she "likes to get out of the house". I understand that but once in a while I think she could have them at her house in order to help out. I explained to her that my husband was going to take the christmas tree down and do some clearing out from christmas etc while I was out so it would really help- wouldnt really be of help if she was to visit us. Both me and DH work full time so are very busy. When she comes down she leaves the place in chaos and we have another person to tidy up after. She was never "particular" about her house when I was a child. She has another grandchild who is often invited to see her- she said this is because they live further away so she has to come in order to see her but with my kids she would rather come to my house. AIBU to feel annoyed about this? I feel that my children are missing out on going to gran's house and me and DH are missing out on being able to get the kids out of the house and have any time for ourselves. I feel that her other grandchild is the favourite and is treated differently. I invite my mum to my house often and cook her meals etc, most recently on Christmas day.

Still much, much better to be in a very flexible position for yor friend with DCs at their own home with both a parent and grandparent, do you not think?

Thank you.

How old is your eldest son? Is he capable of supervising the 3 year old?

Thank you ❤️ I hope so, too. 🙏

Agree. I really thought visiting grandparents / having a visit from you GC was one of life’s treasures. I really didn’t think I’d be accused of being manipulative and entitled for asking while my DH and I do some things we have to do 😬

@LaylaSun77 I can't believe some of the responses you have had on this thread. Of course you are not being unreasonable OP. Your mother's behaviour is really selfish. I have a similar mother, and it stings.

This has nothing to do with 'lack of planning'😏, your mum is selfish.

@LaylaSun77 And most importantly, I hope your friend is ok. 🫂

Yes, I’m not sure I will post here again. I am glad to hear others viewpoints and it has made me reflect and see my mums side but to be called manipulative , entitled etc for asking is a wee bit much. Unreasonable I can accept but saying I’m manipulative is a little harsh. I can’t imagine it’s that bad to ask for the kids to go to grannies as a one off but probably won’t ask again. There have been some constructive, interesting and helpful comments so that has been good. The supportive comments are also really nice. It’s lovely to know there are people who see it differently to my mum and would help if they could.

Thanks. I definitely couldn’t have planned this, and I know exactly what you mean. It’s hard isn’t it 😞

Wfh?

Are you angry about something?

Embarrasssed for me? Why? Yes, I have more room in my home than my mum does and ofcourse all their own toys are at their home but there is space at my mums and she does have a toy room which my niece enjoys. Sometimes it can be fun for children going to other people’s houses and being without their own toys - she has a garden, lives near a park, there is plenty for them to do there.

I’m sorry that’s your experience of fathers 😢

Totally agree

only just started posting and im astounded at the nastiness

Everyone is manipulative. Every man is apparently controlling or something.

some really bitter posters on here

My DH can’t take the kids to the dump as there isn’t room in the car for 2 kids and the stuff. My oldest is 8 but he can’t supervise a 3 year old for very long. It doesn’t matter, we can do the house stuff another time. Would have been handy but it’s ok 😌

I’ve voted YABU but I don’t think you deserve the responses you’re getting. I think if there is a sliding scale of helpful grandparents with 10 being those that drop everything and put their kids and grandchildren’s needs first to 1 where they put themselves first and don’t help out at all, your mum probably sits at around 5 on the scale. She is willing to help out but on her terms. That’s not bad in the grand scheme of things.

Interesting you say that when she looks after them at your house it’s chaos afterwards. I don’t think it’s your mum causing that chaos. It speaks volumes also that you can’t take down the Christmas decorations with your DC around. In light of that I can understand why she doesn’t want them at her house. Perhaps they need some help learning to respect their surroundings and tidy up after themselves.

Not you! I support you. I meant the eejit who hadn’t read the updates about the playroom at your mum’s house. ❤️

Yes, it’s a bit like twitter, I thought this was a supportive place for mums and a place to get advice but I don’t think I will ask any questions again! Some times the dilemmas are really fun and nice. another one I’m watching has some very kind uplifting comments. My DH is such a great guy and could do with a break but this is beyond comprehension for some here and my kids are unruly and I’m manipulative! ☹️

Aww, thanks! Wasn’t sure who this was directed at! There’s been so many comments!

If your mum was at your house looking after the children as she’s offered to do then he could have gone to the dump while she looked after them.

I’ve not read the whole thread - but your children not being welcomed in their grandparents home is next level weird.

Nope..
Are you alright?

Agree. Wasn’t asking him to “babysit” he’s always parenting. It was just space for him to get things done.

You’re not any of those things. Ignore them.

Your husband could do both.

He doesn't want to.

He's useless.