to ask my mum to take the kids to hers for a few hours

[LaylaSun77]

I asked my mum to take my 2 boys for a few hours as I am accompanying a friend to hospital to receive scan results (hospital is near her home). My mum said that she is "very particular about her house" and would prefer they didn't come but she would have them at my house. My boys are never asked to my mums house, my youngest child (age 3) thought she lived in a leisure centre because that's where we meet her and he hadn't ever been to her house. My oldest child has been to see her once in the past 4 or 5 years She always prefers to come to me. I have more room than she does and all their toys are at home etc so she finds it easier to visit them there and she "likes to get out of the house". I understand that but once in a while I think she could have them at her house in order to help out. I explained to her that my husband was going to take the christmas tree down and do some clearing out from christmas etc while I was out so it would really help- wouldnt really be of help if she was to visit us. Both me and DH work full time so are very busy. When she comes down she leaves the place in chaos and we have another person to tidy up after. She was never "particular" about her house when I was a child. She has another grandchild who is often invited to see her- she said this is because they live further away so she has to come in order to see her but with my kids she would rather come to my house. AIBU to feel annoyed about this? I feel that my children are missing out on going to gran's house and me and DH are missing out on being able to get the kids out of the house and have any time for ourselves. I feel that her other grandchild is the favourite and is treated differently. I invite my mum to my house often and cook her meals etc, most recently on Christmas day.

@LaylaSun77 YANBU at all to ask a small favour from your Mum, especially given how welcoming and kind you have been to her over Christmas.

A friend recently asked me if I could have both of her kids for a few hours as she was feeling under the weather with a cold and her DH was WFH. Of course I said yes! It's such a small thing to be able to give a friend/family member a few child-free hours to make their lives easier. I can't believe all the negative feedback on your post.

Both sets of grandparents would gladly help us in this situation.
My parents took my daughter for a day in the run up to Christmas so we could get ready with out a 5 yo to look after. My in-laws took her out for an afternoon over Christmas so we could have chance to do a tidy and sort out without her here.
I had a hospital appointment in the summer and my parents took her to there's whilst I was at the hospital for morning appointment but then called to say they would give her lunch keep her for the afternoon and then take her to her swimming lesson. They brought her back at 6pm!

Yabu that you're asking ur mother to mind your children when their other parent is there.

Not in her mum’s house there isn’t!!!

You want your kids out of your house and she doesn't want them in hers!
I wonder why?

I wondered about this too.

Gosh, I can't believe what I'm reading here.
Or rather, sadly I can believe it because this thread is a perfect example of how unpleasant MN has become in the last year or two - full of mean-spirited posters seemingly banding together to put the boot in on an OP who is asking a perfectly reasonable question of her mum AND who has calmly accepted that her mum doesn't want to do it.
Justine has posted recently a piece about MNHQ acting on exactly this kind of scenario as they are unhappy about the reputation MN is acquiring for being 'mean-girl.'
Anyway, @LaylaSun77 I don't think YABU at all for being hurt about this, nor for asking your mum in the first place. Anyone would welcome the opportunity to do those tasks without kids in the house - not least all the posters here who seem to think your dh is a lazy so-and-so who just wants to sit on his arse whilst your mum does all the hard graft. I also think you've handled the unpleasantness on here remarkably well.
I hope your friend gets better news following her appointment.

When we had little kids we had a house full of stuff to keep them entertained so it was fine if extra kids visited.
Now if a 4yr old visited they'd be bored to tears - i can see why DM would rather be at your house where there is toys/books/games

I can understand your point of view with the kids never being invited to your mums house, that is frustrating but your mum has set boundaries which may seem unfair but this works for her. Iv been a mum for 22yrs and my mum has baby sat one time in that whole entire time when my first was 4 months old and she found it very difficult and never did it again. I think at this point your mum watching your children at your place is the best support your going to get and if you want a break or need help then I would accept this.

There is, read the OP’s post. Her mum has a playroom her niece uses.

I really don’t see an issue - maybe because I have never had any of the grandparents alive to help at all…she is involved and caring!! It may not be exactly picture-perfect like in your head but she’s there for you all in the best way she can be.

No, you read the OP 😂
“I have more room than she does and all their toys are at home etc”

I’m another who’s with you OP. To me your post had nothing to do with your DH taking down the Christmas decorations, it was about the fact that your mum won’t look after her grandchildren in her house, even for just a couple of hours.
I get that there will be more things for them to play with in your own home but to me, and despite what others say about grandparents being under no obligation to provide childcare, she isn’t much of granny who won’t do you all favour and look after them at hers. I would take that to mean that she values her home more than her grandchildren and can’t be bothered to entertain them for a few short hours.
As to all the unnecessary comments implying that your DH should be capable of taking down the tree and entertaining the children at the same time - ignore them. If your DH is anything like mine, who does more than his fair share in the house I would have made the same request to my mum so that he could get it down and away and the place tidied up whilst we were all out.

No I'm just fed up with people using manipulative language to make out that they are hard done by just because they aren't getting exactly what they want instead of what they need.
The hyperbole from the op is ott along with the manipulation.
The husband could clean and take the decorations down with dc in the home being looked after by him or granny. Granny could have been asked to take them to a soft play or the park etc for a couple of hours, but no @LaylaSun77 has insisted that its got to be at granny's house and because her mum has said no to her house we get the claims of no support and the friends potential cancer diagnosis as the reason she needs the help rather than her and her husband's wants which is he doesn't want to look after his kids whilst he takes the decorations down.
To back up her claims of victimhood we then get more excuses about why her husband can't ie tip run and putting the decorations up the attic. Then when a solution to her claims about putting the decorations up the attic is offered we get more excuses of he gets tired in the evening (which is fair enough) but no mention of why she can't put them up herself.
The op really does come across as finding reasons to paint her mum as being in the wrong rather than accept that her expectations are unreasonable

Your mum is being a bit weird about it but lots of people are a bit weird about stuff and she is offering to help. If your boys are so wild your dh can’t go in the loft or to the tip while they are in the house being looked after by a different adult then they clearly are a bit of a handful. It would be better/easier for your dh to have a clear few hours but he can still get stuff done and go out while your mum has the kids at yours. You are being weirdly stubborn to say it’s no help at all. I practically lived with my dgm when I was a kid - I slept over at least once a week and went for tea once a week after school and my mum was a sahm. I work more than full time hours and my mum has not looked after mine ever at all and I do find it annoying given how much help she had.

It’s not unreasonable to ask and it’s even less unreasonable for her to say no. It is obviously easier for her to look after the kids at your house and she’s doing you a favour.

It is unreasonable to initially frame this as her helping you out during a hospital appointment when it’s actually about you and DH using her to help you do standard tasks you could have manage perfectly well without her for if you’d organized your time off better.

I think it’s weird that she hasn’t ever invited you all to her house and a little unreasonable, but not at all unreasonable to not want to have them at hers without you when she’s doing you a favour. You’re being a bit entitled in this situation.

It's a bit strange she won't have them at her house. I'm not sure if young kids would be aware that their cousins go to grandma's house and they don't? If it's something they've expressed upset over, then it would certainly be something to raise with your Mum. If she's happy to take the kids to the park for a bit or out to lunch, then I'd get your DH to plan his jobs around that. He can do the jobs like going into the loft, which are easier to do without kids around whilst they're out. Tip runs can be done when they get back home etc.

Yes OP it is normal for family to help out occasionally.
Your mother doesn't want your children in her home and causes choas in yours?
Time to stop inviting her to yours if she makes it harder.
Let her see her favourite grandchildren and drop the rope.

I’m awfully sorry you’re ungrateful for the free child care not being exactly as you want it to be 🙄

@LaylaSun77 it's probably a bit odd but if her house isn't set up for young children and she chooses not to make it so then clearly she prefers coming to you. A bit selfish but that's her boundary. As they are the local gc she might be wary of habit/expectation.
Maybe you could be a bit more selfish when it comes to all the hosting? Would make your life at home a bit easier and might reduce the resentment a bit.

Couldn’t have worded it any better myself! 👏

Taken from the op’s post later on -

There’s loads of things at my mums for the kids. They have a “toy room”’with our old toys which my niece plays with and she has a big garden.

🙄🙄🙄

Yes there is if you had read the OPs updates.

@Hoardasurass and @brunettemic still flying the flag for the unnecessarily snarky posting.

Is the difference when the niece is there that her parents also stay with her? Earlier in the thread it was mentioned they live further away, so I presume the reason the niece gets to use these toys is because rather than tell them to book a hotel, mum invites the niece and her own son/daughter to stay. She isn't left looking after the niece.

I would also assume it might be because the OP has two children and not just one. Mine used to squabble a lot and my mum wouldn't have the two of them alone. She was happy to come and visit but wouldn't look after them (and they are generally good children, not boisterous, just unable to ever agree on anything 😂). The OP hasn't mentioned ages, only the youngest is 3. If the elder child is only 5 then that is quite a handfl!