Have I overstepped here and what do I do

[AirheadMonent]

I posted about a man sending offensive videos and offensive messages to a woman along with naked pictures. It's a vulnerable person and looking like grooming as she's believing it's a relationship. I contacted the police who won't intervene because she's not complaining.

I put a post on the community Facebook page asking if anyone knows a man by the name of (and then gave his nickname). No other information than that. A woman replied saying it's her dad. She's private messaged me asking if everything is ok.

What would you do?

Why did you not just say this instead of detailing her squalid living conditions, making her sound like a scruffy mare? Are you sure you like this woman? It sounds like you cannot stand her.

I think the OP said that to emphasise that the lady is indeed a vulnerable adult as so many posters seem to think she is not. I think your choice of description "scruffy mare" is horrible.

If you don't want to speak to people who know this guy why did you post on sm if she is housebound how did these two meet I would say you def overstepped the mark and lost any moral high ground when you posted on sm you outed him and your friend I would step back and let them get on with it n stop interfering

All your questions can be answered by reading the thread, starting with post #3. I've not outed him and I've not outed my friend.

But none of those descriptions point to a vulnerable person. They could be consequences of being vulnerable or of being lazy and unclean in general.
Whereas the post I quoted outlines vulnerabilities, which is why I asked why she didn’t just state them in the first place 🙄 I think you have missed the point of my post entirely.

Who decided she’s vulnerable? Being diabetic is not? Making bad relationship choices is not. And many many people are depressed. Why can’t she just block him?

I think thats the point... "They COULD be consequences of being vulnerable." You or i cant decide that. Hence why the poster has debated contacting services to discuss the situation.

The OP, in the post I quoted her in, did in fact state the exact difficulties which led to the house being in a dirty state. Which again, is why I asked her why she didn’t just state them in the first place instead of going into gross detail about her so-called mate.
I don’t really know what you think you’re schooling or correcting me on with this?

I didn't go into detail in the first place because the post would have been pages and pages.

I didn’t ask you to go into detail 🫣 I was actually saying you didn’t need to go into all the sordid detail about the house, pots, pans, toilet, laundry, horrible food, etc etc etc when you couldn’t just said ‘Vision and mobility issues mean she can’t carry about daily tasks or look after herself’. Or something. Whatever.

When OP’s don’t get the answers they like…the stories get more and more dramatic!

What are you suggesting?

And then I'd be told to elaborate, or be told it doesn't add up to vulnerability. Nobody knows her so it doesn't really matter anyway.

I'm not schooling you on anything, its a discussion forum and we're adults. You said there could be vulnerabilities or they could be lazy, and I agree, there could be vulnerabilities, which, for me, would be enough for an informal chat, ie relaying the facts with no personal details.

If services took this any further and said this is something theyd like to explore and asked for a name and DOB, they would explicitly ask OP to let her friend know she had been referred.

Informal chat with who and which services are you referring to which function like that? In case OP takes up your advice.

The adult safeguarding team at the council, one of their examples of abuse is:
Self- neglect: this covers a wide range of behaviour - neglecting to care for one’s personal hygiene, health or surroundings and includes behaviours such as hoarding.
Which could fit.

When I've dealt with them at work, if they are concerned and want to take it further, they will always ask us to inform the service user first that a discussion/referral has been made (obviously there are occasions when that would be unsafe or not possible) I know in this scenario there is no service user and it is a friend.

OP only just stated them because she's trying to make herself look better

I don't need to try to look "better" thanks. How does giving an explanation make me look better anyway, exactly? It doesn't really make sense.

Yeah I’ve never been asked by ASG to communicate there’s even been a referral let alone by who. To put the burden on the concerned party would mean many would be put off. Maybe it’s different in your experience because of your professional capacity.

@BinNightTonight by service user, in this instance would that mean the friend I'm talking about?

What was your plan if someone that knew him (ie the very people you were appealing for information from) contacted you, as has happened?

I wanted to see if the person I thought it was actually was living where I thought he was. Just forming a picture for if it was needed.

It's gone quiet now. The daughter messaged me. I checked her FB page and saw him and his wife along with their family so they're the right people. The SM post I made has been deleted, I've left the group, blocked the daughter and the man's wife just in case they tried to get in touch. I've made no more contact and don't intend to. I feel very sorry for his family having seen their posts. He's a rat.

Yes, it would!

Yes, we were always expected to let the person know when a referral had been made, even if it would have really ruined our professional relationship, ie when reporting to children's services!

Because the explanation is just another escalation of the situation which would make you look more reasonable after you've been told you were overreacting and what you'd said didn't make her vulnerable