Have I overstepped here and what do I do

[AirheadMonent]

I posted about a man sending offensive videos and offensive messages to a woman along with naked pictures. It's a vulnerable person and looking like grooming as she's believing it's a relationship. I contacted the police who won't intervene because she's not complaining.

I put a post on the community Facebook page asking if anyone knows a man by the name of (and then gave his nickname). No other information than that. A woman replied saying it's her dad. She's private messaged me asking if everything is ok.

What would you do?

Then tell her:

"I am very concerned that your father (if they are the same person - his name is (insert full name)), is sending sexually explicit videos/messages to a good friend of mine who is a vulnerable person.

I would appreciate if you would ask him to stop with immediate effect, as otherwise, we will be involving the police, due to her vulnerabilities, which he is aware of.

Thank you for your time."

That's not the point. The focus for me is him not her.

He's on social media making remarks about women and their bodies. He's a weirdo.

It's not really flashing if she consents...

He's not a weirdo because he engages in sexual practises you don't agree with

Your friend does sound like an adult who is able to consent to this, even if its bad for her. It's like blaming the off licence for selling to your alcoholic friend tbh

If I discovered my husband, father of my children, was up to this I would boot him out, not take the stance that the woman he's in touch with is entitled to a sexual relationship.

@BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind You don't think someone telling celebrities they have lovely arses and a nice rack is weird?

Ok now I'm lost. I thought it was tonprotext your vulnerable friend? If its just to shame him then go ahead, but you might lose your friendship over it. If I, as a diabetic with depression, found out my friend was messaging the daughter of someone I get my rocks off with and calling me vulnerable I'd be mortified.

Nothing you've said about her suggests she lacks capacity to make decisions about relationships? And yet you're contacting police and posting on Facebook because she's having a fling with someone she shouldn't be? Diabetes, depression and loneliness are all challenges in life but don't remove her agency. Butt out.

This sounds very difficult but, if she is consenting to these messages, then there isn’t much you can do. You may find the photos and messages offensive but photos and videos of a sexual nature are legal between consenting adults. It sounds like
your friend has the capacity to consent and part of this is the right to make unwise decisions. It is not wise for her to be engaging with this man, but if she wants to she is an adult and that is her decision. Equally even if he has a wife it’s not illegal for him to send these messages and photos if consent is being given.

You would be better focusing your attention
on your friend and trying to help her to seek the support she needs with her mental health so that she doesn’t engage with men like this rather than trying to stop a man you don’t know. Your friend is obviously not in a good place and even if this man stopped contacting her there’s nothing to say she wouldn’t move on to another. Helping her get well would be a better source of your energy than going after this man.

You say nothing. You should not have posted on Facebook in the first place. It’s none of your business. How do you know he knows all about her condition? Why are you so involved? Even if he does know her situation in full, disabled people are allowed to participate in sexual encounters. It’s not for you to decide what she should or should not see or do. She could block him if she doesn’t want to receive the pictures and messages. There’s nothing wrong with two consenting adults doing what they are doing, as the police have already told you. Now maybe you will realise it’s none of your business.

He's having a consensual sexual relationship with another adult. He's not flashing anyone. Morally, the pair of them may be dubious but this is so far out of your business it's not true.

I think plenty of people on the Internet tell celebrities that...

Contact your local council safeguarding. They will determine whether there is a risk or if she has capacity. Tell them that police have declined to be involved.

You need to butt out. You’ve blurred the ‘vulnerable’ label into something different to suit your own moral compass.

Your friend has her faculties intact and you have no right interfering with her choices on her behalf.

It is that. And also he's said to her that I should join in.

And you simply say ‘no thank you’. Job done. You can make your choices, same as she can.

And you can say no thats gross, never mention that to me again. You can be honest with your friend, tell her you don't agree with what shes doing, and you feel bad for his family. But from what youve said she doesn't lack capacity for consent and outside of you making your feelings known to her its none of your business.

You keep drip feeding.

Bur essentially I agree with others that she may be making dubious decisions but it does not sound like she lacks capacity.
Her sexual choices are up to her. You can tell her you disapprove but she has the right to make her decision.
I have MH issues. I don’t leave the house. But I don’t lack capacity.

You’re really don’t seem to be understanding the advice you are being given. But you’ve been given some good ideas.

Fair enough. Thanks for the comments. I'll let them get on with it and ignore the message from the daughter.

It sounds like your friend lacks boundaries. She is massively oversharing, she shouldn’t have told you he said that. She also shouldn’t have told your about his wanking videos or the full frontal video of him in socks and a Christmas jumper. If she’s shown you these that’s even worse. It sounds like your friend is enjoying the drama or maybe getting a kick out of showing these things to you. You need to tell her you don’t want to know about her sex life or her involvement with this man and take a step back from it all, there is really no need for you to be a part of it.

She does lack boundaries.

You can't ignore it because you made such a public display of asking about him!

Now she's going to be worried

Better to just say "I was looking for a friend of mine who isn't on FB who needed a word but everything is sorted now. Sorry for imposing"

It sounds like they're both enjoying sexual kicks out of it.

But why does she keep showing you the photos and videos and telling you the details?

Have you got your friend's agreement to do any of this?

Irrespective of your best intentions concerning my health, I would be really pissed off if you interfered with my online antics that I am knowlingly and deliberately carrying on with him behind his wife's back.