Have I overstepped here and what do I do

[AirheadMonent]

I posted about a man sending offensive videos and offensive messages to a woman along with naked pictures. It's a vulnerable person and looking like grooming as she's believing it's a relationship. I contacted the police who won't intervene because she's not complaining.

I put a post on the community Facebook page asking if anyone knows a man by the name of (and then gave his nickname). No other information than that. A woman replied saying it's her dad. She's private messaged me asking if everything is ok.

What would you do?

I would tell his daughter . I am worried for my vulnerable friend that your father is sending questionable videos and messages to .

Being diabetic and having depression is not a mental disability that means she cannot make her decisions .

Yes you are trying to get a friend but do not get yourself In legal trouble.

Wanting a daughter to go through her father's phone to see wanking videos is strange btw

Legally : everyone ,even those with dementia are legally protected to making informed decisions (look up Mental capacity act, DOLs, Positive risks, etc)

It's wild the number of women on this thread excusing a predatory man's behaviour and victim blaming the recipient of that.
Seriously, WTAF?

You noted police said they cannot do anything ? She is diabetic and has depression, not LD or dementia

Personally I’d forward her the wanking videos. But I appreciate that would be a pretty strong kinetic take and it’s not the poor daughter’s fault.

Because she's not a victim. She's a consenting adult who makes poor decisions. And has poor boundaries apparently.

You would forward videos of him wanking to his DD?

Wtaf is wrong with you?

OP would also then be at risk of being accused of revenege porn

This has been a worthwhile exercise for getting views. Thanks for your input.

You have overstepped, and I think it’s because you disapprove. It’s fine to disapprove, I would too, but you aren’t describing a vulnerable person. It sounds like she has full capacity to me, but makes shitty choices.

I think it would be wrong to involve his daughter, and instead handle this with your friend / relative directly. Then step back.

😆😆😆

Says the person who has contacted someone's daughter over Facebook because he's having it away with your pal and you don't like it 😆😆

You want to tell his daughter to deal with this? How do you know she's not vulnerable too? How do you know he won't attack her in some way for outing him?
What on earth are you thinking OP?

He tried to turn up at the hospital?

This suggests either a deeper level of caring for her or a specific fetish for disabled people...

Which one do you think it is?

Stick to the facts, tell her the truth

Is this the OP admitting to posting on MN for views/attention?

God no don't do that. I'd just back off now OP. You've been given a hard time by some commenters though, I'm assuming you're trying to do the right thing but don't let it backfire. It's not fair to involve the daughter but instead take the Mel Robbins approach and "Let Them". They both sound sick saddos anyway and I'd reassess the friendship if I were you.

@popdepop I take it the Op was looking for answers not 'attention'.

Thank GOD you didn’t go with the idea to tell the daughter to check her dad’s messages. That would’ve been so twisted of you! Keep the daughter out of it completely the poor woman.
Stop running round trying to control your mate’s private life. Loads of people have depression and anxiety it doesn’t mean you can ring the bloody police.
Tell your mate to keep her sex life with Mr creep to herself- end of. Put your hand up and say ‘I’ll stop you there, I don’t want to hear about your latest wanking video. Watched anything good on the Tv lately?’

A view= an opinion.

The replies on this thread are insane. Surely it's been taken over by trolls?

I totally understand you trying to protect your friend who I think sounds vulnerable too even if she doesn’t meet the criteria per se for it. But she’s consenting & enjoying his attention despite how inappropriate or worrisome that may be to you OP. You also run the risk of your friend potentially getting into some kind of trouble from this man if he is exposed by you to his family. Not that you shouldn’t not whistleblow if you suspect abuse, but it’s sadly a very grey area & the phrase you’ll be prob confronted with is that she has the right to make bad decisions. It must be hard however to just sit back & watch your friend get taken advantage of & I think your intentions to try to help her were only good.

What do YOU think OP should do?

I agree with this. Being concerned was one thing but literally what did you expect when you posted on SM? Someone who knows him- which I believe you wanted to be the outcome- has contacted you, its his daughter. There was always a strong chance it would be a relative! Now you're concerned about what to say to her. Its a case of be careful what you wish for. Most people in the daughters situation will push for an answer, I know I would, because they want to know why you are publicly asking questions about their parent. Concerns aside, removing post after notwithstanding, this was a bad idea.

The word ‘vulnerable’ has been so overused and inappropriately used for so long that it’s essentially meaningless now, and this is a great example of that. The op doesn’t describe someone who has an intellectual disability or a severe mental illness that would make them truly vulnerable within the original meaning of that. She talks about her friend having ‘depression over relationships’ and ‘having meltdowns’ when they end… given the way the op has blown things out of proportion and acted over this, I suspect the friends ‘depression’ and ‘meltdowns’ are not wildly dissimilar to many others reactions to relationships ending.

OP needs to learn that her disapproval does not mean the friend is lacking in capacity or is being exploited, and her friend is entitled to choose who to have sexual contact with. It doesn’t have to be love and roses, some people prefer to have different kinds of sexual contact, lots of people send explicit videos and engage in sexting. It’s her friends choice, and the op doesn’t need to approve of it.

Posting on fb with a vague ‘does anyone know…’ post and now panicking because his family member has contacted her was meddling, interfering and massively intrusive. It was entirely predictable that a family member might see it and contact her, so I’m not sure what op was expecting when she posted or why she is now handwringing and not sure what to do. It was monumentally stupid to post and not consider the potential consequences of such a post.

And as for contacting the police…words fail me!

Why are the replies insane ? It’s 2 consenting adults sending and receiving sexual messages. Yes he’s a sleazebag as he’s married. But the friend isn’t vulnerable nor is she a victim. She’s made the choice to keep communicating. The op should never have gone to the police or posted on FB. This is absolutely nothing to do with her.

I would say something like:

'I'm trying to get in touch with him regarding his relationship with a friend of mine. Could you ask him to contact me?'

That way his daughter is spared the more sordid details but maybe his poor wife will have the opportunity to learn what he's like and get out.