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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think by age 40 I should have more say over how I spend my days?

311 replies

Whenisitmyturn29384 · 31/12/2025 10:36

I know im being unreasonable, and its just the demands of family life but im feeling really pissed off.
When this happens I find myself acting like a stroppy teenager because I feel like im being parented even though im 41 years old.

I have elderly parents , always wanting ,needing something.
I have teenagers , always wanting lifts, money, arranging social lives without even asking me first then expecting me to drop everything and take them here, there and everywhere.
I work in education so I am lucky to get 2 weeks off at Christmas. I was in need of a rest as im knackered and have some health problems. I want to put my feet up, not get dressed, read a book, take a bath, watch tv, eat crap.
Instead every day has been spent entertaining others, running errands, taking kids, doing what my husband wants. There are only a few days left of the holidays, my plan was to chill out as I haven't had much chance. This morning before id even had the first sip of my cuppa , hes on at me what tme are we going out, need to go here, here and here. Tomorrow doing this and Friday you need to take teenager and her friend shopping.
Im sick of it! I stomped my foot and stormed off like a stroppy teenager but thats how I feel. Im now sulking upstairs begrudgingly getting ready.
I dont want to do these things!! When will it be my time? When can I do what I want ?

OP posts:
Thehandinthecookiejar · 02/01/2026 15:39

We’ll have you considered saying no and not doing it? I mean on what planet to you NEED to take your teenager and their friend shopping? 😂

PinkBobby · 02/01/2026 16:05

Whenisitmyturn29384 · 31/12/2025 15:29

We live semi rural. There is no direct bus route to anywhere. There is a group of about 20 lads so we parents do take it in turns to car share/give lifts etc. Just had to do it now. Had just got home, was about to take my first sip of my coffee. Son rings, can I go and fetch him with 3 other lads too. They are waiting now. Now they are getting freshened up then want a lift to the next place. Its never ending!!!
Husband just thinks he can dictate out time. We've been in each other's company too long over this break which isnt helping. He never goes anywhere without me . Drives me mad . His car has broken down at the moment so we only have the use of mine.

It sounds like you’ve hit breaking point. A common age/time of you’ve been people pleasing until now! The great news - you can change things simply by saying ‘no’. The bad news - people who have been fitted from you doing what they want/need may think you hate them! Especially teenage children. But, seriously, it sounds like you need to start carving out some time for yourself. For your mental health and to make sure your son doesn’t believe this is what women do in life (become small so everyone else can enjoy themselves).

If you think you can, sit down with your family and calmly tell them that you’re feeling overwhelmed and need to prioritise yourself for a little while. Explain this means you might turn down certain outings/requests because you need to find a better balance. Depending on your husband and son’s emotional maturity, they’ll either support you or make you feel like you’re being selfish. If they choose the latter, remember that’s their problem as they adjust not your burden to carry. We all need to be selfish sometimes for our own mental health. It’s not always a horrible thing to be and, again, your son needs to see a strong woman who can turn around and look after herself when she’s struggling (ideally with their support).

I recommend taking a look at some books that discuss boundaries and, if you’re a keen reader, a book by Gabor Mate called the myth of normal. There’s some very interesting stuff in there about women looking after everyone else and the impact it may have on their long term health.

You are ultimately in control. You can change things for the better. You just need to listen to what you want to do and remember that it’s important to say no if you don’t have the capacity. Good luck!

Hopingtobeaparent · 02/01/2026 16:35

Floatlikeafeather2 · 02/01/2026 12:18

You are being very unreasonable in that this should never have become the situation in the first place. You are the one who brought your children up to be inconsiderate, selfish horrors who feel they can tell you what to do. You are the one who allows your husband to "organise" your time and allows him to tell you what you should be doing at any given time. Take responsibility for your life because you are the only one who can stop it all. If your son phones and says he (and his mates) want picking up "Now", you say "I can't come Now. You'll either have to wait until x time or find another way home. Let me know what you decide. And once you're here, I'm not going out again." If your husband tells you that you're going wherever and you don't want to (for whatever reason - if you don't want to, any reason is valid), you say "No. I don't want to do that. You go. You can use my car or get a taxi."
Like a PP, I can't believe your parents need that much help either, if you're only 41. I'm 69, my husband is 77 - we don't need our kids (38 and 41) to help us often, which is good because the nearest one is 2hours away. We might ask them to help move a heavy item up or downstairs, for example, but only if they were here anyway. We don't need them to live our day to day lives and I doubt your parents do either.
Sorting this out - all of it - is something you, and only you, can do.

Show quote history

Also this!

Madamum18 · 02/01/2026 17:50

It is your husband that you need to sort this out with. Not like a stroppy teenager but a sensible calm adult conversation with both listening and then agreeing compromises so that both of you have needs met

Willyoujust · 02/01/2026 18:22

Just say no

AzureFinch · 02/01/2026 18:49

Just tell everyone to f off

Lockdownsceptic · 02/01/2026 19:46

Cadenza12 · 31/12/2025 10:41

For me age 72. Good luck.

Not there yet. I’m 69.

PorridgeEater · 04/01/2026 11:04

Whenisitmyturn29384 · 31/12/2025 15:29

We live semi rural. There is no direct bus route to anywhere. There is a group of about 20 lads so we parents do take it in turns to car share/give lifts etc. Just had to do it now. Had just got home, was about to take my first sip of my coffee. Son rings, can I go and fetch him with 3 other lads too. They are waiting now. Now they are getting freshened up then want a lift to the next place. Its never ending!!!
Husband just thinks he can dictate out time. We've been in each other's company too long over this break which isnt helping. He never goes anywhere without me . Drives me mad . His car has broken down at the moment so we only have the use of mine.

Why on earth does your husband never go anywhere without you?
Can he not get his car fixed?
This needs dealing with.
Also, maybe not easy but could your son use an e-bike, at least for some journeys?
Obviously transport could be a problem if you live semi-rurally - was this not something you considered when getting this house?

TwinTeensMum · 04/01/2026 14:10

pls check this out
www.instagram.com/reel/DTEa5DajVWq/?igsh=MW56cTh2bjM4d3Fxdw==

Candleinalantern · 06/01/2026 14:54

I don’t take my teenage kids anywhere unless they have arranged with me in advance, they have equally learnt that the hard way when they have made plans and I couldn’t take them as I already had my own plans. Sometimes I will take them last minute if they tell me they are off out somewhere and I’m not doing anything and know I need to nip out the shop or something so will just take them then but I don’t drop everything when they are capable of getting the train somewhere

RobinEllacotStrike · 06/01/2026 14:57

my XP told me last night he will drive our teens anywhere at anytime - finally he has made himself indispensible.

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