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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To warn parents about teenage GF

294 replies

Stayoutofitorno · 30/12/2025 22:59

DS had a party for his 18th birthday last night.

One of his oldest friends brought his gf along. They’ve been going out for a few months and are apparently joined at the hip according to his parents.

We cut a cake and DH and I said a few words. For extra context DS had a very difficult year with the death of his best friend. It was important for us to take a moment to mark how proud we are and tell a few stories about him.

During the speeches the friend’s gf was talking loudly and being rude. One of DD19’s friends asked her to be quiet and she just swore at her and carried on laughing and talking. DD19 went over to shush her and got the same reaction. She told the gf if she couldn’t be respectful she would need to leave. The gf said fine and out of nowhere slapped DD hard across the face. Her cheek was red and hot an hour later and her lip was swollen. DH and a female friend of ours stepped in and ensured she left. Her bf was mortified. DH told him he was welcome to stay or come back to the party later but he didn’t return.

Everyone who witnessed the incident agreed that DD was calm and the reaction was completely unjustified.

AIBU to get in touch with his parents and let them know about her behaviour? She’s clearly pretty volatile to be hitting someone she’s never met before in their home in front of their parents while surrounded by people. I worry about what she might be like in private. But they’re 18, so should we stay out of it? We’ve known his parents for years and have socialised together. We don’t know the girl at all and DD is unlikely to come into contact with her again.

OP posts:
SerendipityJane · 31/12/2025 11:26

Stayoutofitorno · 30/12/2025 22:59

DS had a party for his 18th birthday last night.

One of his oldest friends brought his gf along. They’ve been going out for a few months and are apparently joined at the hip according to his parents.

We cut a cake and DH and I said a few words. For extra context DS had a very difficult year with the death of his best friend. It was important for us to take a moment to mark how proud we are and tell a few stories about him.

During the speeches the friend’s gf was talking loudly and being rude. One of DD19’s friends asked her to be quiet and she just swore at her and carried on laughing and talking. DD19 went over to shush her and got the same reaction. She told the gf if she couldn’t be respectful she would need to leave. The gf said fine and out of nowhere slapped DD hard across the face. Her cheek was red and hot an hour later and her lip was swollen. DH and a female friend of ours stepped in and ensured she left. Her bf was mortified. DH told him he was welcome to stay or come back to the party later but he didn’t return.

Everyone who witnessed the incident agreed that DD was calm and the reaction was completely unjustified.

AIBU to get in touch with his parents and let them know about her behaviour? She’s clearly pretty volatile to be hitting someone she’s never met before in their home in front of their parents while surrounded by people. I worry about what she might be like in private. But they’re 18, so should we stay out of it? We’ve known his parents for years and have socialised together. We don’t know the girl at all and DD is unlikely to come into contact with her again.

Personally, I'd have called the police. Call me old fashioned, but that's what unprovoked physical attacks warrant.

RogueFemale · 31/12/2025 11:28

Moveoverdarlin · 30/12/2025 23:57

I would. Definitely.

If someone smacked my DD around the face in our own home at a party we were hosting I would be fucking livid. I would teach her a lesson and would definitely call the Police. Obviously nothing will happen but it might put the wind up her. She sounds hideous. I’d also tell your son’s friend ‘You’re always welcome here Ben, you’re a lovely lad and we’ve always liked you, but if that vile girl you’re seeing comes within a mile radius of this house or my daughter, she’ll regret it.’

With that many witnesses, quite likely the police would take action. An ex-friend (female) once physically attacked me in my home, unprovoked, luckily another friend was there who witnessed it. Although I wasn't injured, this woman punched me several times and the police took it very seriously and she was prosecuted. Got a non-custodial sentence. A wake up call for her not to do it again.

xanthomelana · 31/12/2025 11:30

If the OP’s daughter doesn’t want to press charges there’s no point phoning the police and wasting their time. No way would they take it on without the victim giving a statement, especially as it was a slap across the face.

RogueFemale · 31/12/2025 11:32

@Stayoutofitorno I haven't voted as the question isn't about telling the parents or not, but reporting to the police. And I think you should report it.

TheEverlastingPorridge · 31/12/2025 11:34

JustCabbaggeLooking · 31/12/2025 01:18

I suspect there's another side to this story.

Captain Obvious has entered the building

Of course there is another side, there always is

But it doesnt make the OP's version wrong

DramaAndBullshit · 31/12/2025 11:34

Your DD needs to file an assault charge.

RogueFemale · 31/12/2025 11:34

xanthomelana · 31/12/2025 11:30

If the OP’s daughter doesn’t want to press charges there’s no point phoning the police and wasting their time. No way would they take it on without the victim giving a statement, especially as it was a slap across the face.

There's no such thing as pressing charges. The police don't need the victim's consent to prosecute, for example, a woman assaulted by her husband might be too scared to give a witness statement, that's why it's not up to the victim.

StealthMama · 31/12/2025 11:36

RogueFemale · 31/12/2025 11:34

There's no such thing as pressing charges. The police don't need the victim's consent to prosecute, for example, a woman assaulted by her husband might be too scared to give a witness statement, that's why it's not up to the victim.

Show quote history

Exactly this. The Crown Prosecution Service can prosecute any case if they have enough evidence to do so. Regardless where/ who that evidence comes from.

xanthomelana · 31/12/2025 11:36

RogueFemale · 31/12/2025 11:34

There's no such thing as pressing charges. The police don't need the victim's consent to prosecute, for example, a woman assaulted by her husband might be too scared to give a witness statement, that's why it's not up to the victim.

Show quote history

The daughter has clearly said she doesn’t want the police involved. She was the one slapped, at 19 years old does she not get a say in any of this?

StealthMama · 31/12/2025 11:36

DramaAndBullshit · 31/12/2025 11:34

Your DD needs to file an assault charge.

Anyone who was there can report the assault.

YogaLite · 31/12/2025 11:37

Was she on drugs?

Sunshineandoranges · 31/12/2025 11:37

Please tell the parents. I think because it is relatively rare we underreact to violence from women.

BagelandEggs · 31/12/2025 11:37

Contact his parents asap so they can talk to him about it - this isn't just a small thing!

PInkyStarfish · 31/12/2025 11:38

I would have called the police immediately.

I would also contact the boys parents before he is manipulated by his girlfriend into giving a different version of events. At that age he is more likely to be led astray by a girl and her sexual favours than behaving responsibly.

‘Hello Joan, just phoning to tell you that we had to force your son’s girlfriend Carol to leave the party as she started behaving badly and then assaulted my daughter by slapping her in an unprovoked attack. Your son was not involved and he is still welcome here but Carol isn’t. It might be something you want to consider as she is clearly an aggressive and violent person.’

HairyToity · 31/12/2025 11:40

If I was the BF parents I'd expect you to make contact. I'd want to know, and hear it from you. If you are friends with them, you should get in touch. Just choose your words carefully, don't go saying she's a wrong in, just state the facts of what happened.

LongDarkTeatime · 31/12/2025 11:42

Does this volatile girl’s partner still live at home? If so they are likely to be a guest in that house. In this situation I would definitely let the parents know what happened. They should know who is coming into their house, especially if there are children present.

MikeRafone · 31/12/2025 11:46

If it was my son in this situation, id want some type of heads up that there was an incident and if son hadn't mentioned it I would know something had happened

a text along the lines of there was an incident at the party your son was at last night and his girlfriend was asked to leave, your son was mortified but we assume saw her home ok, and he was made aware he was welcome at our house alone.

That way its not tittle tattle, its factual, allows parents to know there was something up and to be aware to ask their own son if they want to know more

DisappearingGirl · 31/12/2025 11:47

As you know the boy's parents well, I think I'd tell them.

There have been a few threads on here over the last couple of years about teenage boys with controlling or abusive girlfriends.

If his parents are able to tell him that other adults outside the family are worried about the relationship, it might add weight if they're hoping to encourage their son out of an unpleasant relationship.

Letsgoforaskip · 31/12/2025 11:53

OP I think you sound very sensible and it is good that your DD is still looking forward to going out tonight. I’m sorry that your DS had a horrible year and hope 2026 is a happier one for all of you.

Letsgoforaskip · 31/12/2025 11:55

As regards telling the parents, I think that’s reasonable if you are friends. However, most people tend to make their own decisions about ending relationships so I doubt his parents will be able to influence that. It still might be beneficial for them to know so that they can support him whatever he decides to do.

Ladybyrd · 31/12/2025 12:05

I wouldn’t get involved ordinarily but hitting DD in your own house? I’m not sure I’d contact them about her behaviour - she isn’t their responsibility and I think they’d probably be embarrassed - but if I bumped into them, I’d express some concern about their son. If I reached out to anyone, it would be her parents.

It probably won’t come to that though. These things have a habit of sorting themselves out.

Cailin66 · 31/12/2025 12:10

Stayoutofitorno · 31/12/2025 05:41

We’re not talking to the girl’s parents because we don’t know her, or them. We like the boy’s parents and feel they have a right to be warned that the gf is volatile. I’d want to know if it was DS. But still adjusting to him being an adult, so it was useful to get opinions.

As a parent I’d be really upset if you didn’t inform me of this behaviour so I could be on guard for my son. It is inevitable that this girl will do it again and as she’s gotten away with it once it will escalate. New Years is one of the worst nights of the year, I’d be fearful for that young man.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 31/12/2025 12:26

I would definitely tell them.

Moreover, I would take photos of your DD's face and take it to the police. Wake the GF up a bit by removing some of her freedoms.

Tresd · 31/12/2025 12:30

ActiveTiger · 30/12/2025 23:31

You allowed someone hit your daughter and didn't report it wow

Her dd is an adult and didn’t want to report it.

Tresd · 31/12/2025 12:30

I’d tell the bf’s parents yes. The bf probably needs help getting rid of this gf.