To be upset my friend asked me for 5K?

[OhMyLantern]

I’ve recently been through hell. I was bullied really badly by my manager, regarding my disability and it was well documented. I ended up having to leave my job and my mental health really suffered. I had no job to go to so ended up borrowing £5000 from my own mum and dad to cover my bills while I searched for a new job. Me and my employer recently settled outside of tribunal and I got £18,000. Again, it’s a nice amount but given I nearly lost my life through suicide and the stress it’s put me under it doesn’t feel like a win at all. I’m only just now rebuilding my confidence again.

I’ve paid back my parents, and luckily start a new job next month but will have to cover my bills until then. My best friend has however asked me for £5000 to help with her debts as they’re getting her down and she says she’s struggling to cope and feels suicidal . These are self inflicted debts by the way, think new nails, new car, holidays. She also lives with her dad and only pays for their food shopping and no bills, and earns around 2K a month so I don’t know how she’s racked up so much and even then, can’t pay it.

I'm also feeling bitter because when I was struggling for money and really on my bones, my friend didn’t even offer me a food shop or anything else. Hated listening about what was happening at work and brushed it off. Never offered any advice and always turned the conversation to herself.

I know I need to say no, that I don’t want to bail her out- but I don’t know how. I feel like I’m being unreasonable even though I’m not and I know I’d never see that money again. She hasn’t always been a bad friend as such, she does drive long hours to come see me and has done lots of little house jobs for me before.

Just tell her that you built up quite a lot of debt over the period that you have been through and you don't have enough left. She doesn't need to know the details. Or lie about a relative who needs help.

I'd have no qualms about lying to her, it's the easy way out and how will she ever know.

No.

Please don’t give her any money! You will never see it again.

Suggest to your friend that she gets in touch with her GP for mental health support. I don’t think it is fair for her to lean much on you whilst you’re recovering from the turbulence of recent months.

And she must contact Step Change, or a local debt advice charity, for help.

https://www.stepchange.org/?gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=12348298313&gbraid=0AAAAAD1toAgV4TgdowXRjsSiYzZujbkoi&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI84q5upLjkQMVYaNQBh0kYSRuEAAYASAAEgKiLvD_BwE

She needs to face her problems, and start to tackle the underlying behaviours that led to her accumulating debt. It must have taken courage to threaten your employer with tribunal. I am sorry you have gone through all this. 💐

Tell her to kindly fuck off.

No.

Don't tell her why OP, you don't have to justify it just a simple closed answer.

No.

She's a cheeky cow anyway and you are not her cash point so she can take a long walk off a short pier.

Some people are so entitled.

Even if she starts begging you tell her she will get it in monopoly money.

Absolutely this and if you told her how much you really borrowed, say you lied because you were embarrassed to tell her the true amount. Suicidal because she’s spunked money on nails and a car? Does she have a spending problem/addiction? I might be tempted to send her some help for addiction links to support her. I’m sure other posters can put some up.

I can only imagine she's winding you up to get a reaction! Assuming she knows what you've been through.

There's taking the piss but this seems to be beyond that.

I could be wrong, but this looks like more than just lack of consideration or thoughtlessness.

This @OhMyLantern after paying back the money you borrowed, what’s left is for while you wait to be paid in the new job and a small emergency fund if things don’t work out, or you need new appliances, or anything really. Just say no.

No is a full sentence. But if youre struggling with that, Give her £100. Thats affordable but it could have the effect that she stays away from you because she owes you money; and if she doesn't stay awak and asks again, then you've got the absolute gold excuse of "you've not paid me back the £100 i lent you, so why would I give you any more?"

And drop her like a hot stone because she is a leach.

This isn’t friendship tell her to do one.

Tell her what you had left after paying back your own debts is locked away in a high interest account and you have no access to it.

Absolute No. If you've already paid your parents back that only leaves £12000 from the compensation payment. If she takes £5000 they only leaves you with £7000..not much more than the amount she wants to take from you. I would try to find a bit of anger here op. How dare she ask you for such an amount...or anything at all. Why would any friend ...or anyone ...think it would be acceptable to leave you with only £7000 from your own compensation award? Only £2000 more than she would be taking! Please don't give her anything at all. Watch out in case she tries a ,'compromise' if you say no to the £5000 ..like asking for £1000. No good friend or decent person would ask you for anything from your much deserved and needed compensation. 💐

This and then phase her out.

I never understand how someone can display the certainty and irritation you do in the post yet claim to not know how to say no? You can, can’t you? Is it more you want to share your shock at her cheekiness?

I think there are some people who are quite entitled like this and see any windfall of someone else as an opportunity for them. They’re life’s losers, don’t worry about it

Absolutely do not give her the money. She is not worried about bills, she has overstretched herself living a Champagne life on beer money. On apractical level - you will need that extra money as a buffer. It needs to get you through a month of not being paid and then have some savings for a rainy day.

If she is living with her Father then she is not going to be made homeless any time soon. If you want to be nice offer to make her a nice dinner or take her out for a meal and tell her 'No, I can't loan you that money. It's all been allocated. I can help you make a budget plan though. Like I had when I was out of work'

No way, she's got wind of your compo and wants a slice.
You wont see it again

Tell her you’ve put most of it in limited access savings accounts - you can’t touch it for 1/2/3 years. And the rest is needed for your own expenses.

She is no friend, she did not bail you out, and her debt is self inflicted. You will not see that money again.
It's convient to say she is suicidal, she is a chancer and a grifter. You will not see that money again.
Please discuss this with your parents, as you are vunerable with everything that as happened, and this shameless person is taking advantage of that.
Please give her no money. I detest people like her.

Maybe a harsh lesson to learn, but a reminder that details of your financial affairs are best kept to yourself.

You could tell a white lie... "I've invested the money and I can't access it for a fixed period".

Just say NO: Do not elaborate, just say NO.

Don't give her a penny, she'll keep coming back for more. She's not a friend.
£100 is a lot if you haven't got it in the first place.

Just tell her you’ve spent it all on your own debts. Then make new friends because she’s not one if she wasn’t there for you when you were struggling

Well you don't have it to spare and even if you did you are not a bank.

I'd be mortified someone would have the audacity to ask me for this. Even if I was a multimillionaire.

Well, I guess in that case if I could afford to lose it I might. But probably not just because it is too much of an imposition. A balance of power would be shifted.

Just say no. And do not ask me again as it's embarrassing and uncomfortable for me.

Tell her the money's been paid back for what you borrowed during your time of uncertainty and you don't have 5grand spare. Tell her you hope she gets sorted soon.

Don't talk about finances with people, it never ends well.