To be upset my friend asked me for 5K?

[OhMyLantern]

I’ve recently been through hell. I was bullied really badly by my manager, regarding my disability and it was well documented. I ended up having to leave my job and my mental health really suffered. I had no job to go to so ended up borrowing £5000 from my own mum and dad to cover my bills while I searched for a new job. Me and my employer recently settled outside of tribunal and I got £18,000. Again, it’s a nice amount but given I nearly lost my life through suicide and the stress it’s put me under it doesn’t feel like a win at all. I’m only just now rebuilding my confidence again.

I’ve paid back my parents, and luckily start a new job next month but will have to cover my bills until then. My best friend has however asked me for £5000 to help with her debts as they’re getting her down and she says she’s struggling to cope and feels suicidal . These are self inflicted debts by the way, think new nails, new car, holidays. She also lives with her dad and only pays for their food shopping and no bills, and earns around 2K a month so I don’t know how she’s racked up so much and even then, can’t pay it.

I'm also feeling bitter because when I was struggling for money and really on my bones, my friend didn’t even offer me a food shop or anything else. Hated listening about what was happening at work and brushed it off. Never offered any advice and always turned the conversation to herself.

I know I need to say no, that I don’t want to bail her out- but I don’t know how. I feel like I’m being unreasonable even though I’m not and I know I’d never see that money again. She hasn’t always been a bad friend as such, she does drive long hours to come see me and has done lots of little house jobs for me before.

She's a predatory piece of shit who does not deserve anything from you. Leave her sorry arse behind.

She could take out a loan to pay her debt off gradually. She doesn’t need to borrow it from you.

If OP gives a grifter like this "friend" £500 she'll double down on trying to get more money out of OP. She won't be grateful for being given something. She'll be disgruntled OP didn't pay off all her debts. You can't give people like this anything at all, it just looks like weakness to them and confirms they can exploit you.

She's not a friend.

She doesn't want a loan. She thinks she somehow deserves some of what you got because she barely pays anything in her own house so she wants you to give her £5000. You will never see that money again. You just say no, I don't really even have any left because I paid back my parents and I'll need such an amount for my own debts and loans then to live on until such a time. So sorry I don't have it to give to you. But DONT say things like if I had it I really would loan it to you or anything like that. Make it clear you're not comfortable lending anything unless it's a small amount in an emergency situation. Think stuck at the petrol station and card declining, need enough to get home sort of thing.
She is very much a different person if she still lives at home and only covers her own shopping. You live in two different worlds and she's rude and silly to even ask you.

NO!

But you were in a similar position and she didn't offer to help out. Im done with lending or giving money to anyone who asks. If I give its because I want to but I will not lend any money. It never comes back, or you have to ask which you should not have to do and it causes problems. So if a friend or family member has a "money" problem I just try to steer them to a solution but no longer fund them. Im glad you said no, and if she keeps putting pressure on you or tries to make you feel bad she is no friend. Take care and hope your new job and new start makes 2026 your year😉

Say you're sorry you can't help her financially because your money is all spoken for - and then say nothing more about it. Suggest that she goes to see Debt Advice (look up a number to give her eg Citizens Advice, or go to unbiased.co.uk for a list) who will contact her creditors and negotiate with them.

Thing is if her only expense is food and she works full time, she's in a position where she could have her debt paid off all by herself by the time summer rolls around. It's only £5k, all she's got to do is live frugally for the next 3 months and throw majority of her wages at the debt, then it'd be gone.

She's got a cheek saying if the roles were reversed she'd help you out of you needed it. First, she doesn't need it! She can solve her problems herself quite easily. Second, you did need help, you ran up debt due to no income and she has disposable income. She could have subbed you temporarily (as a loan/gift as she felt appropriate) so you'd have run up less/no debt, if she's all about being generous. No shade that she didn't want to, but she's being a hypocrite now by saying what she said.

Re-read the last three paragraphs and I think you have your answer there. It is a resounding no! Refer her to a mental health charity and the CAB for debt help she could get a DRO - Debt relief order. Do not give her a penny she is taking advantage of you whilst you are down. I would end the friendship as well as she is clearly not your friend. You do not need any toxic people around you. Onward sand upwards for you my dear.

Say no and don't feel bad about it.

What you’ve been through is incredibly serious, OP. She’s a CF not a friend. The answer is a big fat NO! You don’t owe her an explanation and you won’t get that money back. If she pushes, simply say you no longer have it. Using suicidal feelings to pressure you is disgusting. You are not responsible for funding someone else’s luxury lifestyle. Put yourself first.

Do not give her a penny!

This woman is not your friend op.

It amazes me how many adults struggle to say no to other people.

OP, are you a child? If not, grow a bloody backbone and say no. Thats it. How does she even know you have this money? Telling someone who is shit with money and who has debt that you've come into money is just plain right stupid. Watch who you share information to in the future, be graceful and mindful what you share and learn to say no.

Tell her you're not in a position to lend/give her money as you've had to pay your own debts back so don't have the cash available & what you do have you need to pay your living costs. Don't let her make you feel guilty for saying no. She didn't bail you out when you needed help.