Page 11 | To not like Grandad tickling grandkids??

Ilovedandelions · 29/12/2025 21:19

gross, my pervy uncle used to do it.

Otterdrunk · 29/12/2025 21:21

Trust your gut. Surely him starting to tickle them now is in itself what’s giving you alarm bells. Nervous laughter is not evidence of enjoyment. I’d def be teaching your DC about bodily autonomy & how to assert consent over who touches them & how. This needs role playing & for them to feel confident about asserting their preferences without worrying about upsetting the other party. It doesn’t matter if it’s inappropriate or not, your daughters should grow up knowing that nobody has the right to touch them without their consent. And that they do not have to give it if they don’t want to. Also send a strong message to FIL that they’re too old for ticking games & to start modelling to them what asserting yourself to older males looks like.

Joeninety · 29/12/2025 21:21

Just a thought, but how about spelling out the full potential ramifications to both the old man and the kids ?

MrsJeanLuc · 29/12/2025 21:21

Doyathinkhesaurus · 29/12/2025 20:32

I believe 100% that girls who know about consent, are used to putting boundaries in place, And have a good relationship with their mum are in a sterling position to protect themselves.
I do not believe that you should treat all men as sex offenders which is what you seem to be suggesting!
If you have worries about him being a sex offender, then you need to be discussing that within your family as it’s not just the two girls that are at risk. Like I said, if you think that is a possibility, you need to be able to back it up and you have a duty to share that with your relatives and your husband. Vague feelings based on personal preferences don’t cut it as this could destroy the family.
Which is more likely, an older man who doesn’t really know how to relate to girls and especially teenagers, falling back on the age old trick of tickling the grandkids to make a connection or he’s a sex offender?

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Are you a paedophile?

No, a 12 year old (and even less a 9 year old) does not have the skills to protect themselves from an abuser.

The OP does not have to justify anything. His behaviour is inappropriate and she just needs to tell him forcibly to stop it.

@CrandyCrush I asked my DP about this - he is a granddad and has granddaughters of this age, and the very first thing he said is "I wouldn't allow this man anywhere near my granddaughters".
PLEASE listen to your instincts and act to protect your daughters from this man.

dh280125 · 29/12/2025 21:22

No point asking the kids. They are innocent. If it seems wrong to you, stamp it out. I certainly would not allow it.

Ilovedandelions · 29/12/2025 21:25

Stop teaching girls to be nice. (Not you op). Teach them boundaries.

Hmm1234 · 29/12/2025 21:28

CrandyCrush · 28/12/2025 21:40

Okay… I’m fully expecting to get flamed here. I’ve always got weird vibes about DH’s dad. Due to proximity, we don’t see much of him, and he has always made quite minimal effort with DC. However, DC are now 12 and 9 and he has started doing this thing where he comes over and tickles their legs (knee area). I don’t know why, but it’s making me uncomfortable, although the kids seem okay. I just find it weird for some reason. I obviously haven’t said anything to anyone irl because I have nothing other than a weird feeling.

Is it me? AIBU?

Urgh and you are risking it by even having the children around him. Ask your husband is his father a pervert simple

Homegrownberries · 29/12/2025 21:39

Trust your gut. If you're wrong and you cause a falling out it's better than if you're right and you do nothing.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 29/12/2025 22:21

ThisJadeBear · 28/12/2025 22:06

That made me heave. He’s suddenly started tickling two young girls? On their legs? When they have little shared connection with him.
Trust your gut.
I will never forget being a toddler of 4/5 and my dad’s boss started visiting us. He started tickling me and I laughed. One day when my dad was out of the room he kicked me really hard in the bum and told me if I told my dad, he’d sack him.
I never said a word and always pretended to be pleased to see him. Jobs were scarce at the time, my parents were always worried about money, and so I just pretended I was fine.
That was fifty years ago now.
I know he’s a blood relative but he is many ways a relative stranger. Speak to your daughters to ensure they can talk to you openly.

What a cunt of a man

Pessismistic · 29/12/2025 22:39

CrandyCrush · 28/12/2025 21:49

He’s a stubborn, fairly easily offended type of guy. This will not go down well, but my responsibility is to my girls.

Hi op just tell him to stop if he gets offended tough you do not want your girls touched it’s your responsibility to stop it. Op don’t put it on the kids they might think he’s being fun or want him to like them. Either way you say hey stop touching my girls don’t say tickling just say it makes you uncomfortable and you want your girls to be aware they shouldn’t get touched by anybody ever. If he stops coming then you know you were right. Gut all the way.

Politygal · 30/12/2025 00:09

Outside9 · 28/12/2025 22:00

I have never in my life heard this before...

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The Madhrul m2f person was abusing women at the domestic/rape crisis centre he was running by 'researching' this.

Snakebite61 · 30/12/2025 08:37

CrandyCrush · 28/12/2025 21:40

Okay… I’m fully expecting to get flamed here. I’ve always got weird vibes about DH’s dad. Due to proximity, we don’t see much of him, and he has always made quite minimal effort with DC. However, DC are now 12 and 9 and he has started doing this thing where he comes over and tickles their legs (knee area). I don’t know why, but it’s making me uncomfortable, although the kids seem okay. I just find it weird for some reason. I obviously haven’t said anything to anyone irl because I have nothing other than a weird feeling.

Is it me? AIBU?

Wow, this was normal behaviour as a kid in the 60s/70s. Everyone is a pervert now it seems.

bitterbuddhist · 30/12/2025 09:01

Snakebite61 · 30/12/2025 08:37

Wow, this was normal behaviour as a kid in the 60s/70s. Everyone is a pervert now it seems.

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Considering a lot of stories from the sixties and seventies seem to have women being the victim of pervert behaviour hidden under the guise of 'affection' and protecting the family abuser, it's just as well.

I'm all for the OP setting clear with her daughters about boundaries, their bodies, and the right for them to assert their discomfort with being touched, male relatives asking them if they want to sit on their laps and so on.

It just takes one touch to ruin a childhood.

It's only in the last two decades or so that we've had the language for girls and women to navigate what their bodies mean to them.

Tell their grandpa to back off, OP. Also give your daughters permission to express discomfort, to say no to unsolicited hugs, kisses, etc. You'll be doing them a service down the road.

SkaterGrrrrl · 30/12/2025 09:01

Snakebite61 · 30/12/2025 08:37

Wow, this was normal behaviour as a kid in the 60s/70s. Everyone is a pervert now it seems.

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Normal behaviour in the 60s/70s.... Legal marital rape, segregation in the USA, wife beating, apartheid in South Africa, casual and acceptable use of the N word, hitting kids, putting neurodiverse children into asylums.....

Yeah, things have changed a bit.

EatYourDamnPie · 30/12/2025 09:06

Snakebite61 · 30/12/2025 08:37

Wow, this was normal behaviour as a kid in the 60s/70s. Everyone is a pervert now it seems.

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Adults Tickling 12 yos legs was normal behaviour? I sincerely doubt that.

HipHopDontYouStop · 30/12/2025 09:06

Snakebite61 · 30/12/2025 08:37

Wow, this was normal behaviour as a kid in the 60s/70s. Everyone is a pervert now it seems.

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Perverts were always perverts whatever era. The amount of abuse that was accepted in 70s and 80s is no longer accepted now and we are far more aware of red flags.

And yes, I think many men are perverts and would try to get away with so much more if they could #Pelicot

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 30/12/2025 10:00

Snakebite61 · 30/12/2025 08:37

Wow, this was normal behaviour as a kid in the 60s/70s. Everyone is a pervert now it seems.

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Yeah, because a lot of people had/ have that 'family friend' or 'uncle' who 'you've got to be careful around' but you know, "it's only [enter name]"

My cousin's kids were abused by our 'long time friend of the family' who'd been living in her house for years, "go on X, go out and enjoy yourself I'll watch the kids for you"; and he lived with an aunt for decades previously, who had married a paedo who abused his own kids.

So I wouldn't say everyone is a paedo but it happens a hell of a lot, back then as it is now.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 30/12/2025 10:01

HipHopDontYouStop · 30/12/2025 09:06

Perverts were always perverts whatever era. The amount of abuse that was accepted in 70s and 80s is no longer accepted now and we are far more aware of red flags.

And yes, I think many men are perverts and would try to get away with so much more if they could #Pelicot

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And sadly, not just men 🥺

GoodBones85 · 30/12/2025 10:07

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 28/12/2025 22:00

Honestly... having seen paedophiles operate in family units. (I was an unaffected child) my dh knows my views on this.

person being (highlyyyyy!) offended < my child's well being

This just something id seek permission for and isn't a job i'd delegate and hope my DH was able to pull on his big boy knickers for. I'd be tackling it directly myself.
Paedophiles and perverts rely on politeness and social niceties.
I'd be direct and say it's not approporiate and it needs to stop. The end of the conversation would be "so are we clear?" He'll say something like "oh but blah blah" And i would keep asking that same question until I got a yes.
I'd also make it clear you are watching him.

I often say that most people are poor at evaluating risk... they often think in terms of probability only.
This is low probability but ultra high impact which makes it high risk.

Edited

This.

My job involves working with people who operate in such a manner and this post is spot on.

truffleruffle · 30/12/2025 10:08

Just read this to my husband, he tickles our granddaughter who is 7, she tickles me and grandpa under the arm to see who is the most ticklish. We have never gave this a thought we have the kids 3/4 days a week after school.
He’s just said he’ll never do it again. It’s scary.

Foreverautumnagain · 30/12/2025 10:18

I had an uncle who did this. He never even acknowledged my brothers but came with expensive gifts for me. I hated it and told my Dad who asked him to stop. We never saw him again but heard he'd been arrested years later. None of us missed him at all!

EatYourDamnPie · 30/12/2025 10:22

truffleruffle · 30/12/2025 10:08

Just read this to my husband, he tickles our granddaughter who is 7, she tickles me and grandpa under the arm to see who is the most ticklish. We have never gave this a thought we have the kids 3/4 days a week after school.
He’s just said he’ll never do it again. It’s scary.

Wha exactly is it scary about? What was the point in you reading this to your husband?

truffleruffle · 30/12/2025 10:26

Is it not obvious as I explained, he innocently tickles his granddaughter and grandsons. Can I just add we are usually all in the living room and we have never thought this could be seen as being anything other than fun. As he is sitting here I read it out to him. Why do you ask?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/12/2025 10:36

Any normal person would know that you don’t just put your hands on a 12 yo girl. Especially when that’s never been part of the relationship before and they’re not close. But even if they were. Same for 9 yo, but it’s just not as starkly obvious.

The fact that you think he’d be offended and not just say “oh sorry my bad” cements it for me.

It’s always the ones who will get offended who are the problem.

I would just call it out and say “no FIL we don’t do that in this house”. Or DH could have a quiet word, whichever you think would be effective.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/12/2025 10:38

truffleruffle · 30/12/2025 10:08

Just read this to my husband, he tickles our granddaughter who is 7, she tickles me and grandpa under the arm to see who is the most ticklish. We have never gave this a thought we have the kids 3/4 days a week after school.
He’s just said he’ll never do it again. It’s scary.

Whilst I think it would be sensible to stop this now, or at least in the next couple of years, I think it’s obviously not the same.

You are both being tickled back. Your husband knows the gdc well. She is also much younger.

Within reason it can be quite a fun thing to do with little children if they make it clear they genuinely enjoy it, as they get into juniors age at school, it becomes less appropriate.