To not like Grandad tickling grandkids??

[CrandyCrush]

Okay… I’m fully expecting to get flamed here. I’ve always got weird vibes about DH’s dad. Due to proximity, we don’t see much of him, and he has always made quite minimal effort with DC. However, DC are now 12 and 9 and he has started doing this thing where he comes over and tickles their legs (knee area). I don’t know why, but it’s making me uncomfortable, although the kids seem okay. I just find it weird for some reason. I obviously haven’t said anything to anyone irl because I have nothing other than a weird feeling.

Is it me? AIBU?

Don't worry about offending him. If he takes offence then he's just showing you were right in your instincts, whether he's just a bit weird or actually dangerous. A truly good man would respond maturely to you standing up for your children in this way and would reflect if the tickling was genuinely well-intentioned, clumsy affection. If he takes offence he's putting his own feelings before yours or your children's and that means you were 100% right to raise the issue with him. Essentially, whether he's innocent or not, you're right to raise it.

Edited to add: I personally agree that it's likely sinister and your instincts are spot on - it's fine-deaf and creepy at best and terrifyingly sinister at worst. I just wanted to reassure you that it doesn't really matter if you're right or wrong - just say it and let his reaction tell you.

It is indeed. Sod this man's feelings. If he's any kind of decent person, he'll understand, but I feel that's unlikely.

This happened to my SiL. 'Tickling' the GC, finding the one least likely to say anything, then abusing her. There's much more, but the point is, yes it happens in plain sight.

I'm sure. Nothing quite like an offended grandpa to coerce you into letting him continue tickling young girls.

Yes, big red flag right there.

What a creep. You were definitely not the first female (or even girl) that man accosted, and there is something sadistic there. He was emotionally blackmailing a child and therefore burdening you.

My father’s boss (a police inspector, lol) touched me inappropriately around that age, too. In full view of his colleagues, though, about 20 years ago. My theory is that they seek out young children because young children lack the speech to describe it. True creepers will creep as long as they’re not given a REALLY hard, resounding slap (figuratively).

I don’t know what is going on with OP’s FIL, though -- perhaps he has just realised he is getting on a bit and does not really know how to connect? Maybe this sort of thing was seen as horsing around / harmless when he was young, no idea.

Same, with an grandad. I would hide if he was coming round. It actually hurt but I think I also knew instinctively something wasn’t right.

Get your husband to have a stern. Word in front of everyone if he ignores you.

I have. There have been studies on it. It’s common knowledge.

Yeah, rapists like assaulting people as well.

I don’t feel sorry for him at all. This is the first stage of sexual assault.

Oh yikes. I assumed the GC were very little. This is not okay.

My own father is a wonderful man who loves little kids and will happily let mine cuddle up to him to watch TV or read etc. He doesn’t tickle them though. Now that I’m thinking about it, he doesn’t touch them hardly at all and lets them come to him.

Exactly.

I never liked my uncle, far too touchy to my cousin. My now grown up female cousin is NC. Funny that.

You aren’t comfortable. You can decide. The End.

You don’t have to explain yourself. These are your children, you are their protector. Protect them. Something is not right. Intervene and stop this happening. Do not let them be alone with him. Gut feelings are there for a reason, listen to them and protect your children. You don’t have to be rude or nasty. Just say no, stop doing that please.

This is such a creepy thing to say, 'aaaawe maybe he likes tickling young girls knees, why would we stop the poor old chap' is very 1960s for just let the oaedo carry on

Tickling children by squeezing the knee area was very common when I was a child, so may seem normal to your FIL. Just for reference. I'm not saying you aren't wrong.

12 is too old for that! As others say, trust your gut.

I’d stop now if I were you. Talking cobblers that is.

I think tickling can be a way for pervy men to get a grope in plain sight. The knee can easily be oops did I get the thighs. And even if it doesn't progress he could well be getting his kicks from touching them. It is vile to think that way but that is the way pervs think and there's a lot more around than you think. I'd much rather protect children by being extra cautious than protect the feelings of some old man.

OP tell him to stop/ask your DP to tell him.

Exactly. What abuser is going to start their abuse of children/teens by saying in front of family "come to my bedroom wink wink". No of course they're not, they get closer to their target with grooming, this can be by being extra kind and nice to the family as a whole, giving sweets/toys, days out, crossing boundaries by things like ticking or other games.

People are very naive and this is how abusers get away with it!

Don't worry about appearing rude, trust yourself. Your body is telling you something, don't ignore your gut.

I was open minded until you said their ages.
Tickling babies and little kids that you are close to- maybe. Suddenly starting to tickle borderline pubescent children that you haven't had a close relationship with? Fucking creepy.

Honestly, I think you need to deal with this before the situation arises again. Make sure you have had all the conversations with your children about appropriate boundaries and touch and make sure they understand what is appropriate and that they are allowed to say no.
But also if this has happened more than once then I think a conversation with him before he sees the children again (if he does) would be best. If you don't want to outright say HIM touching them makes you uncomfortable then blame it on you wanting to protect them by them knowing no one is allowed to touch them like that or something.

Same

This. Don't wait around to see if he does it again and have an awkward confrontation. Deal with it immediately.